NanDroid

Submitted into Contest #60 in response to: Write a funny post-apocalyptic story.... view prompt

1 comment

Funny

“So what’s she good for…I mean apart from the obvious”

Chris chuckled then grinned wide.

“A lot.” Mike answered curtly. It wasn’t just that he was seriously absorbed in punching in formula and code into the old rusty computer board; he just didn’t think Chris was worth the effort.

“You can’t fool me. You resurrected or made, or whatever the hell you call this process, you brought this thing back to life for one reason. Admit it! You’re getting thirsty for something more than just spring water in this god-forsaken desert.”

Chris chuckled again, a little louder and a little more out of control.

Mike granted him a side glance.

“Of all the people to get stuck with in this desert pocket…why this guy?”

Mike only thought it. He knew how easily Chris could be offended and though he wasn’t the sharpest. It would be much better to keep him as a friend…for now.

Mike and Chris were the last survivors after the last shell blasted. They didn’t choose to be together but they had to thug it out together if they were going to survive.

Before Mike could make a response, the old computer made a beeping sound that got both the men’s attentions.

“Now what?” Chris asked standing to his feet to peer over Mike’s shoulder and onto the computer screen. Not like he could understand any of the jargon there but he was still curious.

Mike was the computer savvy one; Chris was just the other one. They learned a lot about each other over the past six months. Mike wanted desperately to get out of the desert sands. It was dangerous and finding rations was getting harder and harder- but then he found something that gave him hope. Chris felt the same way about the desert sands- It was the last place he wanted to be in, so thank God Mike was there to get them out.

“She’s ready.” Mike said. “Now, I want you to be the first to meet…Nan.”

Mike tapped a last button on the rickety keyboard. He’d been working on the droid for months now but it was already in pretty good shape so he had high hopes. He was inspired to add a few modifications and was anxious to have them tested.

“Nan? What the hell kind of name is that? Why not Peggy, or Sue or…”

For Chris 6 months was a long time to be stuck with someone-of the same sex. Clearly this guy Mike was some kind of genius, maybe-there wasn’t anyone else around to compare him too but he sure was a dull one. The only interesting thing he had done for them was scavenge this old droid- a female droid. Things were looking up.

Her eyes opened and she sat up. “Hi my name is Nan.”

Chris jumped back.

“Holy crap! What the…?”

“Hi Nan. Glad you’re awake. Do you know where we are?”

Nan looked around.

“We are in a house.” Nan said.

“wow her voice sounds so natural.” Chris marveled.

“Thank you, your voice sounds natural too.” Nan looked at Chris and gave a half smile.

“You must be my master Mike.” Nan said looking now at Mike.

“Wait, master? I could be your master too. How would you like to serve me?”  Chris said with a very suggestive tone.

As far as Chris was concerned, this was the best thing that ‘Master Mike’ could have come up with. So he wasn’t all numbers, coordinates and an endless computer junk collector. This was about to get interesting.

Mike smiled in a sly way of his own.

Chris was a classic piece of work as far as Mike could estimate. Living in a shell shocked desert for six months, you’d think any rational human would be thinking about getting the hell to some kind of civilization. This guy seemed to have a very narrow track of mind.

“Well, Nan is like a kid right now, she needs a lot of learning before she can really be…well useful.” Mike said.

Just then there was a loud Booming sound in the distance.

“Darn it those sentinels are on the move earlier these days.” Chris said peeking out the make shift window that used an old leather coat as a drape.

“We need to get into the bunker before they pass this way.” Mike said.

“Yeah but the rations we collected are still in the buggy and we need to hide them in the other dugout.” Chris said on the verge of panic.

Right! Mike wandered if he would ever get used to Chris. This guy was always on the verge of panic. He didn’t even offer to help with locating those rations. It was hard to get him to commit to anything much. One track mind.

“Right. You go down in the bunker with Nan and I’ll lock down the buggy. I’ll meet you there in 20 minutes.” Mike said heading for the door.

“Wait you want me to…with her…for …for twenty minutes?” Chris asked.  There was some confusion on his face, but not for long.

“Oh, I got it…I got it. Yeah, I can do that.” Chris tried to hide his glee.

Mike pretended not to notice. There was more to Nan than met the eye, but why spoil it for Chris, Mike thought.

“See you both in 20.” Mike dashed out the door.

Chris looked at Nan. She was two inches shorter than he was with a tanned brown complexion with dark hair that had blond streaks running through it. She had a noticeable figure that was clearly outlined in the halter top, ripped jeans and army boots she wore.

“So, what kind of a droid were you?” Chris asked slowly looking Nan up and down.

“Droid? What do you mean? I’m a real girl aren’t I?” Suddenly Nan’s eyes welled up and filled with tears. Her mouth quivered and she began pulling at her own hair.

“What? No…no that’s not what I meant! Geez, you think that you’re…”

“Then what am I?” Nan asked now wringing her hands together and squeezing tears out of each eye.

“Well…I…” Chris stuttered.

“Aha…gotcha!” Nan said. Suddenly she was no longer whimpering, but instead was laughing out loud.

“Gotcha gotcha gotcha!” She shouted as she jumped up and down in front of him.

Chris was in shock. What just happened? He wasn’t sure but suddenly he started to wonder how long Mike was going to be.

“Sshh! We have to be quiet. There are ….”

“I know I know...” Nan suddenly started to whisper. “…Giant Cockroaches.”

Chris looked at Nan with eyes the size of saucers.

“Yes Giant Cockroaches. They were called the cocks. It seems the radiation blasts of 2034 and the nuclear meltdown in 2045 increased the growth hormone secretions of those darn Blabberous giants. Things got really bad when they started eating the hum….” Nan stopped in mid-sentence and looked at Chris.

Chris was glad she did- for a moment.

“Oh are you human? Never mind the last part.”

Mike stood looking at her with his mouth agape. He was beginning to wander again what was taking Mike so long.

“He should be back soon. I estimate approximately 17 minutes and 23 seconds.” Nan said.

‘No freakin way he was gone for only two minutes.’

Chris tried to stay calm and not make eye contact with Nan.

Nan made eye contact with him.

“So which way to the bunker?” She asked.

“I…it’s this way.” Mike said reluctantly.

“Should we go? Just the two of us I mean? I’ve heard men like to do things in bunkers.” Nan said looking at Chris intently.

Something in Chris perked up. Perhaps there was something here after all. He led Nan down the stairway to the bunker.

“Yeah, you have anything in mind?” He asked now giving Nan a very suggestive look.

Nan smiled.

“Actually, there was one thing that I found very interesting but never had a chance to try out.”

“Today’s your lucky day Peggy. Can I call you Peggy?” Chris said smiling a bit too much.

“Peggy? But Peggy’s are brunette’s aren’t they?”

Before Chris could answer Peggy’s head turned an amazing 360 degrees without disturbing the rest of her body. As her head turned, her hair changed from blond streaks to light brown. Nan hung her head down, surely for emphasis.

“What the…? What the hell is wrong with you?” Chris shouted.

Just then there were footsteps overhead.

“Mike is that you? Mike get down here would you?”

Mike came down.

“Night is just taking over. The rations and buggy are secured. How did you two get along?”

Mike asked a little out of breathe.

Chris pulled Mike over to a corner of the room so that their backs were facing Nan.

“What the hell did you resurrect this freak show for Mike?”

“What are you talking about? If you mean Nan, I told you she is the answer to all our problems.”

“Mike, my friend, she is not an answer. She is a freaking question?” Chris shouted. Then he coughed a few times to cover his nervousness. “ Like why did anyone build that thing? It’s a freak show?” Chris whispered.

“Chris, I think you’re over reacting and misjudging the situation a bit. Look let me show you. Nan!”

Both men turned around and Chris jumped back five feet.

Nan was standing right behind them.

“Aaaghh!” Chris clutched his heart. “See what I mean?”

“Yeah, she’s great isn’t she?” Mike smiled.

“I don’t get it. What did you bring her here for?”

“Nan, where are the sentinels? How many, what size and what direction are they headed in?”

“There are four sentinels. They are sized 10 meters by 6.5 meters. Three are headed in the south west direction and the forth in the north east. None are of threat to us right now.” Nan answered Mike in a slightly militant tone.

“Thanks Nan. You two can sleep down in the bunker tonight. I’ll take the night watch above.” Mike turned to go.

“No way! Oh no you don’t!” Chris pulled Mike back around.

“It’s my turn. I’m doing the watch. And tomorrow, it’s my turn to look for rations.” Chris looked from Mike to Nan and then from Nan to Mike.

He shook his head, grumbled something and disappeared up to the top floor.

September 25, 2020 18:02

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1 comment

Genipher Y
23:56 Oct 10, 2020

What an amusing way to motivate a guy! One nitpick, you used a question mark instead of exclamation point here: “Mike, my friend, she is not an answer. She is a freaking question?” Chris shouted. I enjoyed reading this story and would love to read a sequel/further "chapters".

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