When Baby Sings

It was on the pulse of Sunday morning and the birds were humming their sweet songs. The sky was still gray as I  little six year old Dream arose from the smell of my grandmother's Sunday dinner which she started to prepare on Saturday night. "Good morning grandma!" I greeted in my sleepy voice, still rubbing my eyes. "Good morning baby!" Grandma greeted, she bends down to give me a hug and a kiss. "Go on sit down-" she instructed "I've made your favorite for the pulse of this Sunday morn. Pancakes-" "Sausage, grites, and eggs!" I cut my grandmother off with a big smile on my face. "You've got it baby! With some cheese in your grits just the way you like it!" She said, smiling, handing me my plate. She knew today was Sunday and I was as nervous as nervous can be. Grandma always reassured me that no matter how big the church was she would be right there on the front row cheering me on. We went to Miracles Deliverance Temple Baptist Church at the time and they would be so packed they needed two services. On this particular Sunday it was the children's Sunday and my big Sunday to sing my solo. Grandma picked my song and we practiced for a month straight. "Alright Dream stop daydreaming and come on let's freshen up!" Grandma said turning off all her pots and pans instructing me into the bathroom to freshen up. When grandma turns everything off she means business. 

On the car ride to church grandma sang the song with me over and over again. Singing was her perfection especially since she was the choir director at church and had recorded singles of her own. "Grandma?" I called. "Yes baby?" She answered, "Why did you keep me after momma left?" A question that I had always often asked since her disappearance a few years ago. "Because! You're my Dream baby! My dream girl Barbie doll and I love you. I don't think I'll ever be able to see you living with another family when you have family here. I might be fifty years old but I'm fifty years young." She said looking in the rear view mirror. "Now! Enough with these sad talks. Look at you and your beautiful fluffy purple dress! With your ruffles and your socks oh Dream you really are a dream!" Grandma said beaming at me now that she had parked in front of the church. "Thank you Grandma. You're the best!" I said getting out to open her door. "Now listen to me… When "baby" sings she sings. Full, loud, and proud! Understand?" "Yes ma'am!" I said. As we were about to go in I stopped and called her. She turned around and gave me a great big hug and a kiss. Which always seemed to calm my nerves. 

As church went on the pastor was finally up preaching, the ushers were ushering, the saints were praising, the musicians was doing the music, the choir was singing, the MC was MCing and I well I was shaking. I knew every minute that past it was getting closer and closer to my solo. Grandma kept bending down whispering sweet encouraging words in my ear. Then finally in the middle of those words the pastor called me up. "Why today saints we have a solo by none other than our little princess Dream Holiday. Come on up here Dream baby!" He said motioning for me to come to the front. Grandma stood up and held my hand fixing her and my clothes; she escorted me to the front right to the pastor. As I stood on the stage I could hear my heart beating in my ears. It felt like I was going to faint. Then I found my grandma who was sitting right where she said she would be right on the front row. With her purple suite on and  fishnet tights and hat leaning towards the side. She mouthed to me "When baby sings everybody forgets the blues!" I smiled and winked at her as she winked at me. I closed my eyes like she taught me to and I opened my mouth and sung "To God be the glory! To God be the gloryyy! To God be the glory and everything he has done…" as I sang I only heard people's gasp and their "hallelujahs" than I felt a shift. Not like a shift in the atmosphere like the pastor always spoke of but a shift within myself that grandma did. She always told me when you feel that shift let go and let God and I did. By the time I was done everyone was standing up in tears thanking God for all he has done. I was crying and I didn't know why. Grandma was crying but she knew why and she knew from then on out "when "baby" sings nobody remembers the blues."

Without my grandma, I don't know where I would have been. Standing here in front of you telling you this story brings me to tears because I'm going to miss my grandmother. She raised me from when I was four all the way up until she passed. If there's anything I can say about Clarice Maybell Brown is what she taught me that I carry with me to this very day standing in front of you at twenty-one years old is never let fear be your guide. If anything let it be your drive, your motivation to push even harder because fear will hinder you if you let it. It can't hinder me Dream Paradise Holiday oh no. Fear can fear me since I am the one and only driver of my life. To my grandmother I love you. I will miss your laugh, your cooking, your touch, your warmth, your advice, and most importantly your voice. Without you I wouldn't be a winning gospel recording artist to this day. Your legacy will forever live through me and through you. Thank you. 

-Murkk Luv'