Toxic is as Toxic Does

Josie stares out at the snow covered Chicago landscape. Her step sister, Star, had flown in for a visit. Josie left instructions for her best friend, Julia, on what needed set up for the girls birthday party. Sophia, 11, and Zoe, 5, had birthdays close together; it made sense to host one party, especially with money being tight. The girls had settled on a cookie and cocoa party and even helped make decorations and food. Even Derrick, their 1 year old brother, helped. Josie and her husband, Rodney, arrive at the airport and Josie climbs out as soon as she sees Star’s brunette head bounce through the exit. Their embrace is tear filled. She is in awe of the beautiful woman Star has become. Her phone buzzes, she quickly types a response to the 3 texts.

Paula: Where are you? When will you be here? Why is it taking so long?

Josie: Airport, ASAP, long drive.

Paula: Bring her here not to your house.

“With that probably being the hundredth text from Paula, we should get going.” Rodney says on a laugh.

 They all catch up a little bit on the two hour ride back; soon enough, Star’s eyes drift closed. Josie leans her head back on the seat. The more thought Josie put into it, the more she saw just how poisonous her mother is. She stays married to a man that has done numerous horrendous things. Paula would say she was done, that she would divorce him; they would make up and turn their anger towards Josie. Even now, at twenty-nine years old, Josie found herself to be at the receiving end of that onslaught. It was so distressing, at one point, that Rodney had to take Josie to the hospital. They thought she was having a heart attack. It turns out, it was hypertension and the doctor told her to avoid Paula for a while.

 Her mother is a toxic narcissist. Josie had thought herself a terrible daughter, wife, mother, friend, person for so long. It could all be traced to a memory of her mother. She remembered being “sick” constantly as a child. It had been recently that Sophia and Zoe had started to show signs they were being treated the same. They both came home with attitudes, mood swings and not wanting to leave mommy. Josie recognized herself and started piecing it together. Paula had mentioned that Sophia was getting a bit chubby and Josie had a flashback of Paula oinking at her when she opened the fridge.

Rodney and Josie sat down with their children and had a conversation. Sophia told them Stuart and Paula would fight then tell the girls not to tell mommy or daddy. Zoe had told them that when Derrick was there they treated her badly and when it was just Zoe and Sophia, they treated Sophia badly. After many tears and trying to convince these two little girls that nothing was their fault, Rodney and Josie made the choice to step away from Stuart and Paula. Not wanting to cause any emotional distress during the holidays for the kids, they decided to wait until after Christmas.

“We’re home.” Rodney says quietly. Josie shakes the thoughts away and sits up.

They all head inside; Julia has everything set up for the girls party. “Oh, Julia, you’re amazing!” Josie exclaims.

“No Problem! I figure I’ll pick the kids up, take the long way here giving you time to drop Star off.” Julia says.

“That would be wonderful. Thank you.” Josie says as she starts placing presents on the small table in the living room.

After a flawless people swap, party goers are enjoying the games and dancing. Josie’s anxiety is in full swing; she is determined to beat it back. Rodney and Josie are conversing with his parents when her phone buzzes and she quickly excuses herself and Rodney, heading for the door. Paula and Stuart are with Star as she heads up the walk. Josie quickly explains that the girls still have no idea Star is there. Rodney enters the apartment, leaving Star unseen.

“Remember we told you we went to get a big present this morning?” Rodney says, gesturing to the door as Star steps in. The girls faces light up in excitement, then tears as they embrace their aunt. Star visits once a year, but Josie’s kids only get to see her for a few hours to a day each time, even though she stays for a week. Josie wipes the tears streaking her own face as Paula grabs her arm, yanking her into the hallway.

“We aren’t staying. Stuart wants to have a drink with one of his friends for their birthday. We’ll pick Star up when we’re done.” Paula says.

“ This is your granddaughters birthday party.” Josie says in utter dismay.

“They won’t even notice.” Paula says with an eye roll. “Have Star ready, send her out when I text.” With that she turns and leaves. Josie watches, sorrow in her heart. She quietly lets herself back inside and aimlessly picks up the bits of trash left behind by party goers.

“Mommy, where’s GiGi and grandpa?” The girls look at her expectantly.

“They…had to go.” Josie doesn’t want to give them the truth, not right now. Her heart takes a solid shot as their faces drop.

 “I’m sure it was something important.” Sophia tells Zoe before mouthing it’s okay to Josie. “Let’s go play!”

 “This isn’t okay. These are their grandchildren. Why do they disappoint these kids every time?” The anger radiating off of Rodney was palpable.

“Josie, I’m really tired. Do you mind if I lay down for a few? I wasn’t able to before we came over.” Star asks from the doorway.

“I’m so sorry, you must be exhausted. You can sleep in here, no one will bother you.” Rodney quietly exits the room as Star lays down. Josie drapes the blanket over her. “Love you, kid.”

“Love you too. Hey, Jo?”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you let them treat you like that? Paula and my dad I mean?”

“I don’t really know. I’m just used to it. We decided to make some changes but we didn’t want to ruin the party or the holidays for the kids.”

“I can understand that. You deserve better though.” Star says, closing her eyes.

“I know, I just get scared I’ll lose everyone.” Josie says, knowing Star is already asleep. She tiptoes out of the room. She heads to the kitchen and Rodney puts his arms around her.

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I just hate them hurting you and the kids.” he whispers into her hair before kissing it softly.

“I know. It’s time for a change. We need to do presents.” She smiles and calls for the kids. Josie’s phone buzzes once more. “I have to go wake Star up.” Tears spring to Josie’s eyes as she heads for the bedroom. It had only been half an hour. Josie gently shakes Star awake and explains the situation. Star listens intently, her face distorting in disgust.

 “I’m an adult. I don’t understand why I can’t stay for a bit longer and just have you guys take me over there after the party.”

“I don’t know. I already tried telling her I couldn’t wake you and she said she would come in and do it. I figured it would be better if I did it.” Josie smiles. “You can always come over later or tomorrow? I told you, you can stay here whenever you would like.”

“I suppose.” Star sighs and stands up, fixing her clothes. They hug each other tightly before heading out of the room and explaining things to the girls. The expressions on their faces doesn’t have a just description. After some more tears and now knocks on the front door, Star departs the party. A while later, the festivities starts to end on a more solemn note than it had begun. Goodie bags are handed out as the guests exit. Rodney, Josie and Julia clean up while the girls help Derrick clean the chocolate off. The trio then puts the three kids to bed before retiring to the couch for an adult beverage and some conversation.

They didn’t hear anything from Star that night. Josie only received an apology from Star the next day. Finally, Josie messages Paula and asks if she can possibly have Star that night. After some bickering and Josie feeling like maybe she was asking too much, Paula finally said yes. Josie spends the next few hours cooking dinner and making sure that the house was clean. Star walks into the apartment and looks like the weight of the world just left her shoulders as she slumps down onto the couch. She spends a few hours with each of the kids, trying to get to know every little thing about them before it’s time for them to go to bed. Star, Rodney, and Josie stay up all night talking. They talk about everything. They bring up old memories, discuss jobs and hobbies. By eight the next morning Paula texts Josie saying she will be by at noon to pick Star up.

“We didn’t even get twenty-four hours!” Josie shouts, tossing her phone onto the couch.

“It’s like she’s using me against you.” Star says as she somberly packs her things. “I want to stay at least one more night. That was the plan, I thought.”

“I thought so too.” Josie texts Paula back, begging for more time. She reads her message five or six times before sending it, hoping she wasn’t sounding rude.

Paula: Fine. I’ll just tell dad that you are more important so Star is going to stay there.

Josie: That isn’t what I’m saying. I’m asking for one more night. Then you guys would get time with her tomorrow and the next 4 days. Then we can have a little more time when we take her back to the airport.

Paula: We have plans. She was supposed to spend today with dad, tomorrow with your brother, the next day with your sister, a night with her friend and then I get her the last day because it’s my day off.

Josie: We get 16 hours between 5 of us but you each get a day to yourself? That doesn’t seem fair.

Paula: You want each of you to have a day with her then? What does that leave us? We are taking her back.

Josie: I’m not asking for a day each. I’m simply asking that we either split the time or share the time. Why can’t we all hang out together? Or can she come back tonight when everyone is ready for bed?

Paula: You are so selfish. Dad hasn’t gotten any time with her at all.

Josie: He would get time with her every time she’s here if he didn’t drink himself into oblivion. If he didn’t spend most of the time she’s here with his friends instead of with her. My kids barely know their aunt because they never get time with her. I don’t understand what I did this time to cause you to be so angry with me. This is the type of stuff we wanted to talk to you about.

Paula: Excuse me? He is allowed to have friends. He’s allowed to have a drink after work. It’s not my fault you won’t let the kids stay here while she’s here. You’re being selfish and childish. What exactly have I done? Helped you guys when you needed it? Lied to my husband when you needed help? Bent over backwards to appease you and your husband? I’m sorry that my cleaning does not meet your perfect standards. I’m sorry that you don’t like that my husband has a drink after work. I’m so sorry that I’m not perfect, Josephine. I’ll be there at noon and she better be ready.

Josie: She’ll be ready. We won’t let the kids stay there because he drinks so much and refuses to not drink around our kids. I’ve thanked you for your help. I’ve never asked you to lie to him. That is not my responsibility or my burden. No one is perfect. He has more than a drink but we have already had that discussion. Also, in light of recent things I’ve been told, Rodney and I think it’s best that we just distance for a while. We can still do Christmas but the kids don’t need to be spending the night during the week. Sophia has been late to school when she spends the night.

Paula: Fine. Whatever. You’re so ridiculous. Now you’re going to keep the kids from me? She’s late because things come up. Don’t worry about Christmas.

At noon, Paula texts Star. It’s another three days before Josie hears from either of them. Paula pulls her usual apology spiel laced with sarcasm and saying that she isn’t sure why she should be sorry. The day Star is supposed to leave, she begs them to bring her by so that she can say goodbye. Star tells Josie about a fight she and Paula had and apologizes.

“I just couldn’t sit there and listen to them bad mouth you and Rodney anymore. It was too much.” Josie nods, hugging her again as she heads for the door.

“Don’t be sorry. Call me when you get home okay? Love you, kid.”

“I will. I love you too.”

Josie’s phone buzzes and her stomach lurches into her throat in panic.

Paula: I don’t know who you think you are but I’m done with you. Don’t ask us for anything ever again. Sending screen shots of conversations to people that weren’t part of the discussion is so rude. Now you have other people mad at me. Good job.

Josie: I showed your messages to Star because she asked. It was ABOUT her.

Paula: There you go again, being childish. Anything you or the kids left at the house will be in the trash. I’m taking all their Christmas presents back as well. You and Rodney need to take a look at how you treat people.

Josie: I don’t understand how I’m in the wrong here. For asking for more time with my sister? For showing her messages that were about her? For making a decision based on my children’s welfare? What was it I did to make you hate me?

Paula never responds to that last message and Josie is thankful for that. She texts Rodney and lets him know what’s going on and that they will need to speak with the girls later that night. A few weeks later, Josie receives a message from Paula.

Paula: I still have all the kids stuff that you guys left here, and their presents. I can bring them by if you want?

Josie stares at the message in disbelief. Paula was acting as if nothing ever happened. This is the last time she and her children will be hurt by these toxic people. It was allowed to go on for too long as it is. The last few weeks have been wonderful, the girls attitudes have improved and they have all accomplished so much as a family. Josie was not going to allow anyone to make them feel miserable again. Toxic is toxic, blood or not.