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Romance Coming of Age Funny

Square dancing is a sacred art, according to Aunt Liany. I can never tell if she’s serious or not, and it’s always hard to know with her. That’s half the fun of going to stay with her. The other half? She always makes me a dirty Shirley, even though I’m not twenty-one yet. 

“A Dirty Shirley is the perfect drink for transitioning into adulthood. Something sweet and fun with a taste of childhood before the realities of being a grown-up make you want to chug a bottle of vodka.” Aunt Liany declared as she poured one out for me during the summer before my freshman year of college. 

Two years later, I visit again for spring break. It truly feels like a break from the world in Bridgewater Bend. It’s only an hour and a half from where I grew up in a bustling suburb, but here there’s the Hallmark movie small-town feel that I yearn for. My college town has a similar feel, which is what made me pick it in the first place. I’m happy there but I made a huge mistake the day I left for spring break. 

“Ugh, I’m just so embarrassed,” I groan, slouching on the couch while sipping from a swirly straw in a glass shaped like a strawberry. 

“The only thing to be embarrassed about is if I have to tell my square dancing friends that we are late because of some college boy,” Liany says while she holds my drink up to my mouth, “Chug the rest. I don’t know if Donna is going to be behind the bar or not.”

“Hey hey hey, I don’t think so. These square-dancing folks love me. I think Jerry would love to pull up a stool next to me and listen to me complain.”

“That's only because Jerry won't remember the beginning of the story by the time you get to the end.”  

“Then maybe he can give me a new piece of advice every time I tell the story.”

“Do you really want boy advice from a 78-year-old man instead of your favorite Auntie?” she deadpanned 

“Perhaps I just value different points of view,” I tease. 

“C’mon, let’s get going,” Liany says with a grin while shaking her head at me. 

We arrive at Chuck and Lucky’s, the hot spot in Bridgewater Bend and the surrounding small towns to square dance or to get acceptably drunk on a Wednesday. Thankfully, we spot Donna at the bar when we walk in.

“Our girl here is a little upset because of a man.”  Liany declares.

“Who did something to our Jackie? I have my revolver in my glove compartment out back.” 

“Settle down, Donna.”

“I’m the one who was the asshat in this situation,”  I say.

“I’m sure you were in the right.”

“She laughed in his face and ran away right after he kissed her,” Liany drawls dramatically. 

“So? You know I broke a lot of hearts back in my day. I was engaged in the summers of ‘64, ‘65, and ‘69, each time to a different man.” 

“Were any of them Bobby?” I ask in reference to Donna’s most recent ex-husband.

“No, Bobby was after Rick, Phill, and Dan.”

“Alright, we can have gossip about Donna’s lover's pre and post her 60s wild child era another time. C’mon, let's do the rounds. 

I turn around and see the absolute last person I expect. Standing right in the middle of the 70-and-over crowd is none other than Charlie Ozen. The mature thing to do would be to walk up to Charlie and say, “Wow, so crazy running into you here,” and apologize for last Thursday. Do I do that? Of course not. I’m nineteen 19, and my brain is not developed enough to do the mature thing. Check back in about six years. 

Instead, I go to the one place he won’tt find me: the women's bathroom. If only the whole world could be more like a women's bathroom.  There should be more places where you can't possibly see a man.

Later, I’m thrown into the square as the caller says in his invigorated tone, “Alright folks, you know the rules, you know the moves. Let’s get this party started. Circle left.” 

Once our hands are joined, I take a look around the spinning circle and try to locate Liany. I find her staring at me with wide eyes. She’s mouthing something at me that I can't quite decipher. 

“CIRCLE RIGHT.”

I scan the rest of the circle and lock eyes with Charlie and then quickly look away. I still cannot believe I ran into him here of all possibilities. He lives in a city that's hours away. We are in the middle of nowhere, New York. 

“ALLEMANDE LEFT.”

I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize my current partner was Jerry. 

“Hello, my dear! Wow, you seem so grown up. I remember when you were so small. Now, here you are dancing with us old folks!” He says this to me every time we’ve met in the last 19 years. 

“A pleasure to see you as always, Jerry.”

“Now, what is this? I heard about your boyfriend being here. Donna was telling me something about you and some boy at the bar.”

“ALLEMANDE RIGHT.”

“Oh, don’t mind her. She’s always stirring the pot.”

“DO-SI-DO PARTNEW SWITCH.” 

As I unlink arms with Jerry and move to my next partner, I realize I’m next to Liany and her partner, and she realizes the same thing.

“There you are! Why’d you run off like that?”

“LADIES IN MEN SASHAY.”

“You know exactly why. You saw Charlie, didn’t you?”

“I was trying to ask you if that was him from across the circle earlier.”

“Oh my god, how do I get out of here?” 

“You don’t. Just talk to him and explain that you got nervous and like him.”

“You know she’s right, Honey,” adds Donna. 

I turn and give her a confused look while Liany laughs. 

“MEN IN LADIES SASHAY.” 

As we move to the outer circle, Donna adds, “There's no way I wasn't getting a front-row seat to this action. The bar can tend to itself for a few minutes.” 

I go through the dance steps, thinking about Charlie. He’s such a good friend and quite easy on the eyes, too. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I’m a bit jealous he took someone else to formal last fall. So what the hell? I may not be the most outgoing person, and sometimes panic for no good reason. I notice he is only one spit away from me, and we will be partnered up together soon. 

“DO-SI-DO AND PROMENADE”

Charlie and I get into a promenade position. I say nothing. We dance for a few awkward seconds that feel way longer than they actually are. 

He breaks the silence. “Uh .. so what brings you here?”

I try not to cringe, “My Aunt, she lives here, well, not literally here, 10 minutes away down South County Road..” Now I really cringe. Why am I sharing directions like I'm Mapquest? 

“That’s cool. My grandpa lives around here too. It’s nice to see you. I’m sorry about you know… .” he lets his sentence falter. Well, I guess it's my time to shine and let the word vomit out. 

“No, please don’t be sorry. It’s okay. And it's not like I can pretend it never happened. I mean, it's okay that you did that. By that, I mean when you kissed me.” I look over to see his face, which looks more confused than ever. The music comes to an end. 

“NOW BOW TO YOUR PARTNER. GREAT JOB EVERYONE.”

            I decide to do something different. Daring. I pull Charlie in and kiss him. 

Our whole square starts to cheer, no doubt led by Liany and Donna. Soon, the whole room cheers for us. 

“Ladies, what's the commotion about?” Jerry sets his eyes on Charlie and I with our arms around each other. “Did my grandson just propose?” he asks, confused. 

Charlie laughs and kisses me again.

June 14, 2024 11:44

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