36 comments

Funny Science Fiction Fiction

Your Voyager mission to explore other worlds had to end at some point. But you knew that before your intrepid vessel accelerated out of the solar system and hurtled through interstellar space. No doubt Mission Command monitored Voyager 1’s interminable progress and you all cheered as it approached the Oort Cloud. Perhaps you prayed for a glimpse of intelligent life as it sped towards our asteroid and groaned when its signal died, and said, ‘Voyager 1 down.’

*  *  *

If your spacecraft had survived the crash with our dirty snowball, then you’d have witnessed us extinguishing its smouldering remains. No doubt our lumbering forms would’ve startled you as we peered into your onboard camera. But that’s nothing compared to our shock when we examined the wreckage. Your technology was intriguing, to say the least; the ancient solar panels and curious thruster system were hilarious. How had Voyager 1 traversed the heliosheath unscathed and endured its endless quest? Surely, you achieved its longevity through wishful thinking more than planning and judgement.

*  *  *

Our working day had started as usual and we’d trooped toward our planetoid’s quarry. The mining company’s owners had set new extraction targets, offered handsome incentives, and we’d worked ahead of ourselves. The new detonation systems we’d employed had fractured fresh strata to reveal seams of precious stones amongst the dust and ice. It was a bonus that made our dangerous work bearable and fuelled our desire to put in long hours and exploit any accidental discovery. We’d gather the glistening gems on the quiet, stash them amongst our personal effects, and evade the strict border checks.

*  *  *

The morning your fragile craft’s flight-path converged with our asteroid’s orbit, we were drilling holes in the quarry’s steep escarpment and filling them with explosives. There was a flash overhead that startled us, and we witnessed a trail of flames hurtling through the thin atmosphere. It didn’t take a second alarm call for us to take cover as the fireball’s trajectory veered downward and it headed towards us. We were lucky the crash didn’t ignite the rock wall full of incendiaries. Otherwise, we’d have died and your time capsule would’ve been lost forever. 

*  *  *

We emerged from our shelters to discover the source of the disturbance was a primitive spacecraft of some description. Chunks of your smoking vessel’s battered outer casing covered the lower reaches of our quarry. It didn’t take a genius to work out your spacecraft was on a reconnaissance mission. However, we lacked the experience to recognise its origins or show any interest in it other than gauging its reclamation value.  

*  *  *

When we started salvaging your spacecraft’s debris, our initial reaction was to extract components to reclaim rare metals; gold cables and copper wires always fetch a handsome price anywhere. We dismantled the vessel’s carcass, stripped off the outer panels, and worked our way through its various compartments. Inside, we found four sealed containers made from a composite of silicon and iron. You call it aluminum. Or is it aluminium? We weren’t sure after studying your craft’s records. Maybe there’s some debate.

   Anyhow, the tarnished containers were an odd design, but worth keeping for scrap money. We had no time to be delicate with them, as resuming the company’s operation was our priority, so we employed heavy-duty tools to probe inside. We prised open the mysterious caskets and what we discovered was a curious. There were four golden discs within, inscribed with unfamiliar symbols and incomprehensible hieroglyphs, and each bore a neat groove that started at the outer edge and spiralled towards the centre. 

   This was one of those unexpected bonuses that beg to be exploited. We’d have to find an expert to assess the discs, of course. However, there must be collectors who’d pay a fortune for rare items such as these. Maybe an archive centre would be interested in storing them for research? We didn’t care as long as they went to the highest bidder and we achieved the best price. Certainly, they were a special find and worth smuggling past the border patrol.

*  *  *

However, the border patrol never inspected our personal baggage because our supervisor reported the incident and the company sent their security team to investigate. They performed a comprehensive shakedown of all mining personnel on our asteroid and removed the ill-gotten discs forthwith. We never received an explanation for their urgency, a reprimand for our underhand intentions, or any recompense for our endeavours.

*  *  *

We always had a reasonable working arrangement with our managers; it was necessary to make a few extra credits, and they enjoyed a percentage for their discretion. They were a shrewd and knowledgeable team who’d seen much of life and existence, and had a galactic perspective achieved by hopping from asteroid to asteroid as the mining work dictated and the company decreed. 

   They’d all spent their lives chasing asteroids in a whirling vortex beyond your known solar system; a travelling sink hole of billowing gas and spinning rocks that attracts passing objects and scoops them up. You might describe the travelling vortex as a universal scrap yard; a galactic recycling centre, even. Trust me, the managers have encountered plenty of attempts by advanced worlds to contact other life forms. They’d seen it all before and some of those missions had ended badly for the planets concerned. According to the management, your species is fortunate we salvaged Voyager 1 because there are lifeforms beyond the protective Oort Cloud who’d feast on earthlings and consider you a tasty snack.

*  *  *

We heard later; the authorities had deciphered the messages on the golden discs and taken steps to warn your species about the danger of interfering in matters beyond their experience. They analysed the golden discs and deduced they were records about life on Earth. The sounds and images described creatures they recognised from observations taken from passing asteroids. They also discovered the truth about your stewardship of Earth and the precarious state of the planet. 

   The authorities took it upon themselves to choose an appropriate course of action for the sake of your planet. They’re returning your golden discs with a note of caution in all the languages sampled in its recordings. The communication offered some insight into the urgent questions facing your species and gave sound advice regarding your future and technological progress.

   It explained how we’d returned to analogue technology after a disastrous flirtation with digital knowhow and a calamitous reliance on artificial intelligence. The authorities outlined how our civilisation had crumbled and, after several destructive nuclear wars, reduced to settling arguments with bows and arrows. Surviving members of the world had abandoned accepted political orders and lived in autonomous groups without the influence of manipulative leaders. Our people now solve disputes through peaceful means and facilitate the equal distribution of resources to ensure a fair and peaceful world and an opportunity to recover from the previous generation’s failure to appreciate their privileged existence.

   The accompanying communication included a postscript regarding the golden discs. It recommended employing better quality control in the future – the audio quality was poor and inaudible in places because of unacceptable scratches on their surface.


The End


February 09, 2024 16:47

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36 comments

Marty B
01:07 Feb 10, 2024

I appreciated the external perspective of the Viking Mission, and the Earthlings tryng to kill themselves off. Though I think you used the wrong tag- this sentence is 'fantasy' not 'science fiction'!! lol ;) 'Our people now solve disputes through peaceful means and facilitate the equal distribution of resources to ensure a fair and peaceful world and an opportunity to recover from the previous generation’s failure to appreciate their privileged existence."

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Howard Halsall
09:31 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Marty, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. You have a valid point about the return note; it is somewhat fantastical in its naive optimism, however I can only surmise it was meant as sound advice sent in good faith. After all, there’s nothing like learning from historical experience with regard to prudent future action…. Take care HH :)

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Josephine Harris
14:23 Feb 12, 2024

Entirely believable. Loved this. Thanks Howard.

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Howard Halsall
17:23 Feb 12, 2024

Hello Josephine, Thank you for reading my story and leaving your positive feedback, it’s much appreciated. Take care HH :)

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21:50 Feb 10, 2024

Brilliant. A really fresh take on the prompt.

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Howard Halsall
10:00 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Katharine, Thank you for reading my story and leaving your positive feedback; it’s much appreciated. Take care HH :)

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Alexis Araneta
15:14 Feb 10, 2024

This was such a lovely read. As usual from you, this was oozing with creativity. Fantastic world building. I also like the tone you used throughout the story, Amazing job!

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Howard Halsall
09:57 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Stella, Thank you for taking the time to read my latest story and share your thoughts; they’re much appreciated. It was tricky to get the tone right with this piece; SciFi isn’t known for its levity and yet it felt like an opportunity to make a few serious points. My solution was to write in the 2nd person POV and 1st person plural. It’s a combination I don’t often utilise, but in this story it was a handy way to avoid a detailed description of the asteroid’s inhabitants and yet offer the reader enough pointers to fuel their imaginati...

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Tom Skye
23:23 Feb 09, 2024

Super creative Howard. I don't think I have read that perspective delivered in such a lighthearted way. Great humour throughout. On the other hand the message was very serious and timely. Thought-provoking stuff. Thanks for sharing

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Howard Halsall
09:19 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Tom, Thank you for reading my latest story and leaving your positive feedback; it’s much appreciated. I’m glad you liked it and particularly relieved you enjoyed the humour; it was tricky to get that working as SciFi isn’t known for it’s levity. HH :)

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Trudy Jas
23:12 Feb 09, 2024

Amen. Listen to those who have come before. Us oldies know, I tell you. Once again, well worth the wait.

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Howard Halsall
09:12 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Trudy, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. All we can hope for is that common sense prevails or we could be in for a mighty big shock. So, yes, “amen.” HH :)

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Mary Bendickson
21:54 Feb 09, 2024

Out of this world creativity. A solid plan for the future now that we have been warned. Thanks for liking my 'Sixties Teen '.

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Howard Halsall
09:07 Feb 11, 2024

Hello Mary, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. Indeed, we’ve all been warned, so let’s observe how it plays out… HH :)

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Darvico Ulmeli
14:09 Mar 13, 2024

Thanks for writing this story. I actually had something similar on my mind, but I chose to write another storyline. I like to read stories with this kind of theme (everything about space, other species, etc.), so I enjoyed it enormously. Thanks for that.

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Howard Halsall
18:53 Mar 13, 2024

Hey Darvico, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts; they’re much appreciated. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and had fun putting it together; maybe I should explore those themes further in future stories? Take care HH :)

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Darvico Ulmeli
03:17 Mar 14, 2024

You welcome. I don't mind to read more stories like this one. Keep them going.

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Howard Halsall
03:37 Mar 14, 2024

Thank you :)

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Nicole Eaton
00:36 Feb 15, 2024

I really enjoyed this journey, I like how the reader is invited to discover alongside 'the team', the consonants in your verbiage clinking like ice cubes in a glass. This story would sound amazing narrated.

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Howard Halsall
08:28 Feb 15, 2024

Hello Nicole, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. The sound of ice cubes clinking in a glass is most evocative and conjures all sorts of memories and half forgotten moments, so thank you for making that comparison. Also, I love the idea of writing pieces for a narrator and always read my work out loud; it often highlights odd phrases and jarring rhythms. I wonder who would make a suitable narrator for this tale. Do you have any suggestions? HH :)

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Nicole Eaton
16:48 Feb 15, 2024

Maybe Tom Hanks...or Tommy Lee Jones

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Howard Halsall
17:20 Feb 15, 2024

Hmmm….. Tommy Lee Jones might be a suitable choice, but close miked to capture his caustic growl…. :)

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Sarah Jo
00:06 Feb 15, 2024

I loved the lofty verbiage you used throughout! It really helped to create a world of highly intelligent life beings located outside of our solar system.

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Howard Halsall
00:21 Feb 15, 2024

Hello Sarah, Thank you for reading my story and leaving your thoughts; they’re much appreciated. HH :)

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HC Edwards
18:38 Feb 14, 2024

Liked the end. Had a kind of smirky outlook the entire time. Reminiscent of works like Hitchhiker’s

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Howard Halsall
19:03 Feb 14, 2024

Hello HC, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. Yeah, I kinda know what you mean about the ending; there’s a snarky under current, but I guess it’s in keeping with the narrator’s outlook and the “been-there-done-that” attitude. I guess it’s the dark humour that comes from witnessing an apocalypse…. Take care HH

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John Rutherford
09:43 Feb 14, 2024

Very imaginative.

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Howard Halsall
12:13 Feb 14, 2024

Hello John, Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Take care HH

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20:35 Feb 13, 2024

An interesting twist. An apocalyptic earth story but from the outside in. Loved Marty's point about it has to be Fantasy. LOL We know you wrote this with your tongue in your cheek. Right? There is a warning message in your story even though you are not telling human's how to behave. On a serious note, humans will undoubtedly come to a sticky end. The only thing they have finally agreed on is that something needs to be done. What ever they implement (too late) will fail. Because this is the truth I'm amazed you managed to pull off this topic...

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Howard Halsall
08:13 Feb 14, 2024

Hello Kaitlyn, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your positive thoughts. I’m pleased you enjoyed it and relieved to discover the idea is working. I wasn’t so sure the tone was right; because there’s a fine line between flippancy and melodrama. However, a lot of stand-up comedy’s success is achieved through satire, so I guess it’s an approach that’s tried and tested. Take care HH :)

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09:27 Feb 14, 2024

You have to see 'Don't Look Up" a Netflix movie. Gripping apocalyptic Sci Fi stuff with humans causing mayhem at ridiculous levels of stupidity and greed. It's a scream. Your story has a more subtle message.

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Howard Halsall
12:16 Feb 14, 2024

Thank you for the heads up, Kaitlyn. That sounds like an interesting show, I’ll have to check it out :)

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Easten Woolf
13:43 Feb 13, 2024

Love this Howard. So much potential for more detail that I kept pondering. What are these aliens like? How far away are they? What type of technology had they reverted to, specifically?? So much more to want! Thanks

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Howard Halsall
19:48 Feb 13, 2024

Hello Easten, Thank you for reading my story and sharing your thoughts. I’m glad you liked it and pleased it left you wanting more…. That’s a really satisfying result. Take care HH :)

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Mike Panasitti
20:00 Feb 12, 2024

Howard, great piece. Loved the form. Loved the narrator's voice. The cautionary message, though often-used in sci-fi, is always refreshing to hear again. It gives me hope that all is not gloom, doom, and despair in the literary arts. Take care.

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Howard Halsall
20:38 Feb 12, 2024

Hello Mike, Thank you for taking the time to read my story and share your thoughts. I agree, it’s tricky to offer a positive message in the SciFi genre; it often sounds naive, but only because a devastating nihilistic message has a more powerful impact. Ultimately, our strength is hope and the belief that our species will prevail, but it needs direction and a vision; things can improve for everyone, and we all deserve better. Take care HH :)

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