Hurting Love

He was the perfect definition of handsome: tall, dark with broad shoulders. His face was like that of a newborn baby. His brown eyes seductive; an absolute turn-on. His teeth had been rinsed in pure milk. His smile drew you in and his calm demeanour, though deceptive, added an aura of maturity to his stead. He walked with slow, calculated, confident steps. There was care in his step you would have thought he was afraid of hurting the ground. He moved with so much grace, it was impossible not to stare. When he spoke, wisdom oozed from deep within him. His charisma had his listeners glued to him; they dared not miss a single word he spoke. He chose his words the way David chose stones for his sling. They stuck with you like a shadow long after he had spoken. Harry was the knight in shining armour.

As Rita would soon come to learn, he was her immediate supervisor on this one-time project. Being several cadres ahead, a relationship with him was forbidden as long as they were working on the same project. However, that did not stop her fantasies. If she could not have him in the physical, then why not in her world of fantasy? She dreamt about dates in the wild, playing on the sandy beaches, conquering the hills and mountains, endless dinner dates and long drives in the desert. She envisioned his passionate kisses, warm cuddles, tight hugs and wild lovemaking. She pictured being lost in his embrace and finding relief for her sorrows in the calmness of his spirit.

She had noticed his occasional glances, which further fuelled her desire but she did not allow it to get in the way. Her heart, which had already endured one too many a heartbreak was tucked in the deepest part of her soul. She had already survived five years without dating and was willing to hold on as long as it was necessary to ensure her heart was not broken ever again. She knew that her greatest weakness was the curse of loving too much. When she loved someone, she went in with all she had and who she was. She did not withhold anything. This is a risk she was not willing to take. Not now; not so soon. She knew this path always led to a shattered heart and deep emotional scars. She had walked along it too often and picked fragments of her heart frequently.

Their conversations were purely professional. She gave him daily updates on the progress of the project roles she was assigned. When her assignment was complete, she handed over the final report and informed him of her departure. As she returned to the office, he requested her to give him her contacts in order to do a follow up on any issues that could arise.

A week later, he called her – to find out how she was doing. He also wanted to know how she was coping with her return to the office. This call opened up constant chats and text messages. They talked about all kinds of things, their conversations being mostly in the evenings when they were both resting after a long day’s work.

Rita was still quite defensive; her guard was high up. She did not let the conversations become too personal despite Harry’s constant attempts at this. She was not ready. At least not yet!

She told him about her father; the greatest love that she had lost. This was the first time she was talking about it, since his death. She had begun trusting him but she was still scared. Afraid that he would hurt her just like the rest; apprehensive that she would lose him just like she had lost her greatest love. Unfortunately, she was like a woman who is heavily pregnant and was trying to deny that she was expectant. It was pretty obvious she was falling in love. Harry knew when to say the right words, which places to touch, what to do at the right time, her favourite colours, her hobbies and interests and he cared a great deal about her. A gentleman par excellence.

She let him in and laid herself bare before him. When she talked to him about her fears and anxieties, he quietened them all. Rita glowed as bright as an intelligent light bulb illuminating the darkest corners of a deep dwelling. They spent most evenings and weekends together. Time grew wings in their presence. Their desire for each other was like an unquenchable thirst. The first time they made love she experienced toe-curling orgasms. It was like nothing she had experienced before. They were lost in the depths of each other; in a secret wonderful place.

Their first misunderstanding was nothing unusual. It was a sheer difference in opinion, which they handled pretty well.

He is emotionally intelligent, she thought.

They resolved their differences amicably from time to time.

“Oh, my God!” Rita exclaimed one evening.

“What is it?”

“You are not going to believe it!”

“Carine Corp has offered me a contract! And the pay is good!”

“Really? Did you apply for it?”

“Not really …”

“Are you sure it’s not a scam?”

“It is Benard who made the application for me. Look at how much they are going to pay me!”

Harry looked at the figure that stared back at him from the computer screen. It was four times his current salary. He felt as if something was choking him.

“Harry, are you okay? Say something!”

He slowly walked towards the bedroom.

This was totally unexpected. She thought he would be elated.

The following evening, Harry came home at midnight. Rita had stayed up late waiting. She was worried sick when he did not answer his phone. Her numerous text messages had gone unanswered for six hours. She thought that he had been in an accident. She thought about calling his best friend but quickly shelved the thought. She did not want to be deemed as the overprotective girlfriend.

“I’ve been worried sick about you, Harry. Where have you been? What happened to your phone?” Rita inquired.

“Some of us work our way up the career ladder. We don’t sleep around.”

His words cut like a sword. She did not recognize this stranger. He knew Benard from the Human Resource Consultancy firm. Why would he imply she was having an affair with him? His words stayed with her.

He mumbled a quick apology and went to bed.

“Look, Rita, I am thinking we should have our formal introduction on second of August. That will enable us have a traditional wedding and a civil wedding in September,” he said two weeks later.

“Where is coming from? Don’t you think we should have talked about it?”

“I knew you are not serious about this …”

“Harry, I am not ready for anything serious, yet.”

“I knew it!”

“You talk as if you live in my head.”

“It is Bern..”

 “Bernard has nothing to do with this.”

Whack! Whack! He slapped her.

“You whore! Where is that phone!”

He picked her phone and called random numbers, hurling insults at any male voice that answered a call.

Rita was bruised in the face.  Her nose, which was broken was bleeding.

“What are you doing?” She asked between sobs.

“What do you think I am doing? Deleting your social media pages of course! Deactivating these accounts that give you a big head when these silly men praise you. Look at this one, Pretty girl! What a lie! Here, you duckling!” He threw the phone back at her.

Henceforth, Harry questioned every call or text that she received. He chose who could visit them and dictated how long the visit could last.

Rita was supposed to report to her new job in two weeks.

“You have a choice to make. Either you choose me or that silly job of yours,” Harry said.

Rita could not believe it. How could someone change so fast? Had he just put up a show to impress her and was now revealing his true self? How could someone who had loved her so much be the cause of her sleepless nights?

Now she was torn between choosing him and the job. Her love for him had not faded. She was still in love with the Harry that she had met. She kept hoping that this was just a phase that would gradually fade and her Harry would be back.

Her heart and mind waged war within her. She was not willing to let go of this man. She was not willing to let go of a love that had rekindled her desire for marriage. One that had restored hope to her broken heart. On the other hand, her mind was focused on this career. What if this was her breakthrough moment? What if this was the one chance she had for making global impact in her field? What if this was the recompense for the many years of service she had rendered without pay before someone could trust her enough with a job?

She walked out of the house they shared two weeks later. As she walked into her new office, she embraced her new found freedom, a rebirth of sorts! One she was not going to waste. A rare chance to right the mistake of loving the wrong person.