Petals in the leaves

I honestly don’t remember how I got here. There was a time when I did, or at least I think there was and now it’s a kind of blur. I’m told that that's a normal phenomenon for people like me when they spend too much time here. People like me. They’re not wrong. There, I was utterly normal, plain. Here, I am unusual, rare. 

I’m alone right now, staring at the oak-like walls, sinking into the garnet coloured armchair that may be hundreds of years old. I sit here reflecting on the pit that sits in my stomach, which feels especially heavy today. 

I think I’ll finally be able to get rid of this feeling though. There’s this one memory I have from before. It’s cloudy every time I try to think deeply about it - as if someone coated the memory with a blue and white effervescent cotton candy. Even though the memory wasn’t uniquely a happy one, cotton candy still feels like the best way to describe it. It seems to have such importance but for the life of me, I don’t know what it is.

I can recall walking down an empty street in the dead of winter. It was storming and every snowflake was soft, showcasing their distinct personalities and designs. Some tumbled lightly from the sky without a care in the world, others shot down with a purpose, but each presented itself with such beauty and authenticity. What a strange way to describe snowflakes. Not actually though, well, not after you hear about some of the things I’ve seen over the last year. Or has it been two, maybe more? 

I hear the front door open and Aurora walks in, yanking me out of my trancelike state. She was the first person I met when I got here. I don’t think I would have survived if it weren’t for her. When she found me, I was so utterly lost and naive, and she took me in without any hesitation. Her smile filled me with serenity. Every feeling here felt amplified to the nth degree. When she told me where I was, I didn’t believe her. How could I? 

“I’ve brought home some of that tea I told you about.” She said concernedly. I understood why, this was powerful stuff, but we’d tried everything else. I honestly didn’t mind if I had to stay here forever, but I had to at least know how I got here or if there was something important I was missing. 

She filled the makeshift kettle with water and put it over the fire. She looked back at me with her speckled white and grey eyes. They were so bright. They reminded me of the snowflakes from that night, so peculiar, so extraordinary. I smile at her, my shoulders dropping as I let out a big long sigh from my nose. She smiled back and I closed my eyes and rested my head on the back of my chair.

I begin to think about that memory again. It had been the middle of winter and I was walking to my favorite spot by a river near to where I lived. There were a bunch of little private spots on the shore, hidden by a mix of trees and bushes. There was something about standing in front of a large body of water. It was comforting, a sense of being alone but also a part of something so much bigger. I had taken a deep breath and it had felt like I was coating my lungs with a cool sheet of ice- it grounded me. The freezing smell mixed with chimney smoke filled my nostrils. 

I never made it to the water this time though. Someone was in my usual spot so I had to walk down the shore to find a different one. 

That was my last part of the memory, the next thing I remember was being here. Where the river used to be was now an ocean surrounded by floating islands. The ocean was sparkling, literal glitter seemed to rest just above the water and the islands were literally floating. I thought I must still be sleeping. I had looked down and there was an otter staring up at me. “Miss”. He said, politely and inquisitively. His little otter eyebrows furrowed. “Are you okay?”

I had looked around to see if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing. Suffice to say, there was no one around. However, I did see trees as high as skyscrapers and I could hear them whispering songs to each other in the breeze. I watched as little humanesque beings floated around me whimsically, their wings barely flapping as they glided through the air, giggling.

The sound of the water starting to boil in the kettle brought me back to the present and I opened my eyes.

Aurora put some of the loose tea in the kettle and stirred it gently. After letting it steep, she poured it into a cup and handed it to me . “Here you go”, she said, encouragingly with a warm smile. It smelled like marigolds with a hint of lime and pepper.

The magical scent gave me the sensation that my insides were blooming like flowers in May. All of a sudden, I was no longer in Auroras cozy treehouse cottage, but instead, I was back by the bushes near the water, snow and wind pushing against my skin. 

The memory was clear now, not muddied up by any of the magic I’d been experiencing since I had arrived in the Dream Grove. The tip of my nose was cold, the winter air was crisp and everything seemed so much harsher. I was trudging through the snow and I could feel my anxiety building. Anxiety, something I honestly haven’t felt in so long. Then, there it was. As clear as day, the last bit of the memory I had lost. 

I stared in disbelief. The snow was snowing upwards. I started to walk towards it when I heard someone call my name.

“Sam!” 

I looked back, racking my brain to remember who this person was calling out my name. She seemed really excited to talk to me. I could feel like corners of my mouth rising towards my ears. I was smiling. I guess I was excited to see her too. 

“Do you see what I’m seeing? Is this snow…snowing upwards?” I asked, reaching my hand towards it. 

“What are you talking about?” Laney answered. Her name was Laney. I…love Laney? Loved Laney?

As I reached my hand out to touch the snowflakes, I felt the air ripped from my lungs and my body was pulled in every direction. I could hear Laney scream my name, reaching out for me as  I reached for her. 

I opened my eyes, and I was back in Aurora's sitting area, tears streaming down my cheeks. I was gripping the mug so tightly in my hands that my knuckles were turning white and there were nail marks in the palms of my hands. The steam from the tea was still wafting upwards, the smell causing a wave of emotional nostalgia that made my insides feel they were being crushed, winding me. There was a storm starting outside, which was rare for this part of the fey wild. I was causing this. My emotions. 

Aurora looked at me with concern and, maybe sadness? I had never really seen her show that emotion, so it was hard to tell. “Who’s Laney?” she asked.

“She’s someone…I loved once.” I answered. 

Aurora seemed hurt by this. I hated this feeling. I looked down into the remaining tea as it splashed gently from side to side. It was so rare to ever feel this way here. Aurora took the mug from my hands, emptied the remaining liquid and looked inside. She was reading it. “What do you see?” I asked her.

“The leaves spiral lightly from the top of the cup to the base. It means that there’s a journey ahead of you.” She looked at me to gauge my reaction, but I didn’t give her one. She continued to read, “The leaves at the bottom shape into a flower, the whites of the cup making up the petals. There are two petals that stand out, each have a line of tea leaves trailing off from them.”

“What does that mean?” I asked earnestly. 

“It means you have a choice to make. Depending on which petal you choose, you’ll be choosing one path over another, they do not overlap.” Her eyes stared into mine unwaveringly. The wind calmed outside as I took her hand in mine. 

“I think I know what I have to do”.