Villain

Only after I killed him I realized that I needed him.

His name was no longer causing horror in people’s eyes, it was just another word and not a hush. Now we could walk in the sunlight without fear, people were dancing in the streets with joy and I wasn’t even able to walk without a hand touching my shoulder as if they couldn't believe I was there and wanted to make sure that I survived, that this is all over. Some were bending on their knees crying, praising me, holding and kissing my hands while I was standing there emotionless. It was either him or I, after all, this was my whole purpose of living since I was born. Why were they surprised? 

It is not that I wasn’t pleased. There wasn’t even a day passed without us burning piles of corpses since now and they weren’t even people who were killed by him, no. They were who fell into hopelessness, who took their own lives before he did. I was twenty- four, the oldest of my kind, and if I couldn’t stop him till then, they thought, I probably will not ever. Another cycle was about to pass and I felt ashamed for being still alive.

But I wasn’t like the others, wasn’t I? I was the only one who survived. Now they were carving my statues as if I was some kind of a god. I thought they would disgrace me for surviving but no, now I was more precious than ever. 

It easily got used to sleeping, you see. I have never dreamt before, nor other people and now it became a need I never knew existed. They were leaving food, so so much food to my door, and I haven’t been full in a day of my life. I have been always on my own, eating alone, training alone. People themselves even had no energy or will to socialize let alone me, a Re’na mingling with the crowd. But I took all these gestures as a sign to finally be with them, so I did. 

Shortly after children were born and the whole desert suddenly felt alive. They were coming up with these games, singing and running around, and we were just listening their laughter like a sweet melody.

Then things got more plain. There was no danger anymore and as they got to know me I started to become more human. I was no longer this colossal and all-mighty hero and my powers were gotten dull through the years so they were not that wrong. 

Kids grown. Kids born. They have also grown.

I defeated death so why they were not happy?

Neither was I. I was feeling desperate and weak. Even though those feelings were not unfamiliar to me, now I had no purpose. No one had. We were in heaven.

Now we could live for months without eating. Sleeping. People who could have killed for a single drop of water were now bathing in milk and honey. Music was not a joy to the soul, no one wanted to draw the green fields and clear sky and the sun we so much missed. We were seeing it every day anyway so what’s the point.

Then, he came to life. Emerald green eyes just like mine. They had known no color to match my eyes with when I was born but now we had all shades of green surrounding us so the color of his eyes were not that interesting anymore. It was only surprising to have two of my kind at the same cycle which was unprecedented, but so we were living in unprecedented times. As it is written in the ancient books, Re’na dies as they kill Re’shi and, another pair of Re'na and Re’shi borns in the next cycle. But now they had two Re’na in the flesh.

Well, they got over it soon after.

They haven’t named him for a while, they didn't know what to call him. So I gave up mine. It has been centuries since I was Re’na anyway, I could just settle being the ‘green eyed’ one. Hence they started to called me Qing.

It wasn’t only his eyes that we had in common with Re’na. He carried all the mighty powers I have lost in his tiny body and this made me see more clearly how miserable we got. How desperate we need to miss the sun to appreciate it. How thin the lines were between a Re’na and Re’shi .

I was taking care of him more than his family did. His parents had other children and his powers were not something they could understand so I became his teacher. I was teaching him everything I have learned and he was listening with veneration, eyes big and eager to learn. There were no Re’shi for almost four centuries, but he never complaint why I was keeping him separate from his peers. 

He never asked why I couldn’t look directly into his eyes, why I hurt him every time he fails at a task but at the same time tucking him into sleep at night, gently stroking his hair with compassion.

But you will understand soon, Re’na. When my blade is against your throat and thirst of blood is in my eyes. You will think I have gone insane, but the ones who I leave behind will have a purpose to survive. You will have a purpose to live. And you have to be strong enough to stand against me when I kill your friends, family, when I try to take anything and everything you have ever loved.

So I look at you, and you look so serene in your sleep, blanket way up to your nose. You must be so exhausted from yesterday, running for hours under the hot sun. Today will be no different, but I’m making you a breakfast of champions, little guy. I didn't understand it back then, neither will you. Now I look at you with affection, probably how my Re’shi looked at me when I wasn’t aware. With pride for the great man you are becoming, with love in my whole heart. How I wish to laugh with you, carry you on top of my shoulders like other fathers and sons, and wipe your tears when you fall and cheer you when you succeed but I can’t. Cause then you would hesitate when the time comes. Six, maybe seven years later, when we go back to the mountain top once I and my Re’shi stood, when I hug you for the first and the last time before we fall from the cliff, maybe then you might understand in that split second, there are things I didn’t teach you so that you won’t live like me, roaming without purpose, and things that I forced you to do were so that I won’t either. Then another green-one will be born, festivals will be held, and people’s, Qing’s and Re’na’s lives will finally have a meaning. 

But now, you sleep.

Or are you faking it?

I see you chuckle a bit, trying to suppress your laughter. You mischievous little thing. 'You are awake, get up’ I say, trying to not give up my apathetic tone. ‘Sun is almost up.’ You toss the blanket right away, stretch and yawn. Then I see you as you walk towards the table your arms are drooping, and taking slow tiny steps pretending to come involuntarily, hair is all messy like you were a toddler and I cannot help but say ‘C’mon little guy’, to your astonishment. You suddenly stand straight, come pull up the chair. 'Let's eat, Re'shi' I say, smiling, 'we got a whole day ahead of us.'