An Internal Storm

      The wind blew gently through my hair, the cold biting my face as I sat in my rocking chair on my front porch. I was holding a book in front of my face, although I was not reading it at all- I just didn’t want my mother to look through the window and worry. The storm was getting stronger each day, with the news reports bringing up evacuating the residents of nearly the whole state of Minnesota- to where, I don’t know. This storm seems to be reaching every edge of the world. Sunrise and sunset did not exist anymore- only darkness and the ominous whisper of the wind through the trees, warning us that things would only get worse. Sometimes, when I lay awake at night, I swear I can hear a mocking laugh coming from the sky itself.

           Scientists were stumped. Meteorologists were stumped. Conspiracy theorists were going wild with theories of alien invasions and the government placing population control. I checked on all of their reports daily. I needed to see what they knew.

           See, I also watched the storm. I also worried, but assured my mom things were fine. I also did not know what the cause of this darkness was.

           Deep inside me, though, I wondered. Maybe this is just a really bad storm. Maybe this is just a sign of the earth’s decay. I have toyed with those ideas. No matter how much I try to stifle it, though I know that this storm is something greater. Maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with what I did last summer.

           “Mom, come out for dinner!” I shout as the pizza man knocks on our door. We somehow managed to find the only pizza delivery system still running in the midst of a worldwide disaster, a true example of how far people will go to make a few bucks.

           My mom walks in through our back door, her face lined with her usual worried creases. I know from her expression alone that she was just in the garden. Our food must be continuing to rot, as all of our plants have been.

           She manages a smile as she takes the pizza and sets it on our small table, thanking the pizza man before she does. After he leaves, we begin our dinner in silence.

           My dad and sister are dead. They died together just four months ago, in a car crash. It was at the beginning of this whole mess, before the government put restrictions on only driving if absolutely necessary. The winds blew their car over the side of the road, straight into a tree. My mom hasn’t been the same since. We live and work in mostly silence, the weight of their deaths hanging over us. I think my mom feels it too- my guilt. She knows I played a part in causing this storm, and therefore their deaths. Though she never has said it aloud, I feel her resentment like a boulder weighing my shoulders down.

           I try, as I’ve tried so many times before, to push the memory down. I would do anything to undo the events of that horrible, horrible summer- but I can’t. The memories begin rushing in against my will.

           I had only been thirteen, just a little shy girl at the back of the class with no friends. I hated school. My only focus had been on getting through with good enough grades so I could leave. I hated attention and never planned on being a great big world changing person. I just wanted to live my life in peace and quiet. Kids never directly bullied me, but I could feel their hostile gazes, hear them whispering about the weird girl who never spoke more than a few words. At least, that was until I met Natalie.

           I met her by accident. I had been running late into class after a rough morning. My sister had already headed to her own classroom, and I was trying to move quickly in a way that would get the least attention possible. Before I reached my classroom, though, a blonde girl with her hair in two braids ran into me at full speed, spilling both of our books.

           “Oh! Gosh, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” She picked up both of our books. “Hey, I don’t know if I’ve met you yet. What’s your name? I’m Natalie.”

           It had taken me a moment to realize that she wasn’t making fun of me. When I did, I smiled shyly at her, and introduced myself. Little did I know, it would be the worst choice of my whole life.

           We hung out for the next two school years. We were inseparable. I supported her when her mom was diagnosed with cancer, and she supported me when my parents would fight. We shared everything with one another, and supported each other through the hard and the easy. I thought nothing could get better than this.

           It was July 21^st, a warm, bright day, when everything began.

           I was in my room with Natalie, hanging out as always. I had spent the day building up to it. I finally felt comfortable enough to tell her my deepest secret. The truth was, ever since I was six years old, I have had the same unexplainable thing happen- I can control the weather with my emotions. It happened by accident the first time. I started a blizzard in the midst of April after my mom wouldn’t let me go to my friend’s birthday party. It was small and contained, and nobody suspected anything. I was so afraid though. Every year since then has been a game of not getting discovered.

           Natalie, though- I thought I could trust her.

           She believed me immediately- that should have been the first red flag. She wanted me to tell others.

           “You’ll be famous!” She said, grasping my hands out of excitement. “You’ll be a superhero! Can you show me how it works?”

           “No! You’re insane! This isn’t a game. If anyone finds out, they’ll- they’ll lock me up. Experiment on me. I’m a freak, you have to understand! My family will be afraid- my- my sister, she’s so little! She will be scared! She won’t come near me. And the only people who will approach me will be scientists and government officials who will want to use me as a lab rat and- “

           “Calm down! You’re not the only ‘freak.’” I stared at her. “What, you think I would believe you have special powers if I hadn’t experienced the same thing for myself?”

           “What- what can you do?”

           “Anything!” She smiles calmly, like we are talking about the last movie we saw. “I absorb other people’s abilities.”

           “Does- does that mean there’s others out there? Like us?”

           She shrugged. “I mean, at least my mom. I don’t know of anyone else.”

           I stared, open mouthed in shock. “Why have I never heard of this?”

           “Well, you are right about one thing. The world is hostile to those different from them. We would be in danger if anyone else found out. That doesn’t mean you have to hide forever though.” She laughs at my confusion. “Why do you look so scared? We have a plan. We want to find those like us. We aren’t going to hide forever, I mean, we are valuable! We were chosen for a reason!”

           “But, what do you mean? What are you going to do?”

           “Mila, people are cruel. I’ve seen the people talking behind your back. I’ve been slammed into lockers my whole life. And that’s just in high school. People have suspected my mom of being unusual. We have had to go on the run, lie low, live on unemployment benefits because my mom couldn’t be seen in public while they searched for her, everything. Aren’t you tired of it? We are the powerful ones, yet we live like scared rats!” Her voice rises at the end, her face flushing with emotions. “It’s time to get back. Sure, I can see I’m freaking you out. We don’t have to crush our enemies or anything now, but I swear Mila, next time those bullies mess with you, I’m going to flip!”

           “Yeah, Natalie, you are scaring me. I’m not like you, okay? I don’t want revenge, I’m okay with being alone. People are jerks, and what happened with your mom sucks, but I don’t want to see people get hurt!”

           Natalie, for the first time in our friendship, looked genuinely upset. Her eyes shone with emotion, her gaze burning.

           “Fine. Stay cooped up in your little sad pen. I, for one, am going to stand up for myself.”

           That was the last I heard from her for the rest of the summer.

           I didn’t see her again until the second week of school. My days were filled with the same activities as the years past. I hid from the whispers, I ignored the hostile gazes, and kept to myself. I missed her- I really did. I missed the way she made me feel important. Her words kept burning in my brain, building this fiery energy that I needed to release.

           I saw now, more clearly than before, the ‘pen’ I lived in. I thought back to the day I discovered my abilities. It changed my life before I even knew what was happening. Ever since then, I lived in fear.

           As the energy burned, the snappier I got. The snappier I got, the more bullies tried to upset me. It reached its climax one Wednesday in the cafeteria.

           I got there early, and went to my usual table alone. I saw my sister in the table in front. Sometimes, she would sit with me. She had friends though, and I made it clear to her that I would rather her escape the hostility than be near me. Up till now, she had.

           The bullies knew what exactly where to hit. They knew where it would hurt the most.

           In my own world, my bubble was burst when I heard my sister’s scream.

           They held her by the throat, a knife against it. Two boys in the grade above me smiled above her.

           “Mila, whatcha looking at? Does this upset you?”

           My sister stared at me, her eyes filling with tears. A choking sob came out, but nothing more. They held her throat too tight.          

           “Let. Her. Go.” My face burned with unbridled rage. I wanted to run to my sister, pull her out of their cruel grasp, but I knew fast movements could only hurt her more.

           “Or what?” They laughed. Other tables joined in.

           Where are the adults? I thought. I saw two teachers working in the office. They weren’t even facing our direction. Could they not see us? Doubt it. They just don’t care.

           The boys laughs, their voices echoing off the walls. My vision blurred from emotions.

           In the corner of my eye, I saw her- the first time in months. Natalie sat at a table in the far corner. Her blonde locks flowed down her shoulders. She locked eyes with me, her face firm. My breathing sped up as she nodded. Do it. I could read it on her face. Don’t let them win.

           My ability, as usual, pulsed through me. Usually it is just background noise, but when I am angry, it reaches a new intensity. Instead of being a river flowering through my veins, it is a tsunami.

           And this time? I let the tsunami win.

           I heard the wind growing stronger before I even realized that I let my control go.

           “Let her go!” I screamed with all my might. This time, the teachers looked my way. Everyone seemed shocked- they had probably never even heard me speak above a whisper.

           “Woah- look who’s cranky. Looks like we upset the freak!” More laughs.

           My blood rushed through my head. “I give you one more chance. Let her go, or you’ll regret it.”

           “Aw, look who’s being tough now!” The boy holding my sister stares, his gaze blazing through my skull. “Absolutely not. Not until you-“

           Before he finished his sentence, the tornado storm blared. Teachers rushed into the cafeteria holding bags of emergency supplies.

           “Evacuate! We need to evacuate!”

           Branches were being torn off trees. Houses were being torn down. Power poles snapped in half.

           I still wasn’t done.

           The teachers began opening the doors, hurriedly attempting to get students into vans- they didn’t make it before being picked up off the ground and knocked onto their backs. Signs and playground structures were flying through the air, so fast I could barely process it.

           “The school is about to collapse!” I don’t even know who shouted it, but they were barely heard over the roar of the wind.

           Their voice was the last thing I remember.

           It’s funny how something can be so satisfying in the moment, only to realize in the aftershocks the extent of the damage- damage you caused, and can never take back.

           Believe me, I’ve tried to undo the damage. I’ve tried to undo the storm, but it rages on- and maybe it always will.

           It’s such a perfect example of such cruel irony. If I never stepped in to save my sisters from the bullies’ torment, she never would have died. In some ways, life is always like that. Emotions catch us off guard- they can be beautiful, or they can turn us into animals. We only see the immediate effects of what we do.

           I suppose, though, that I was not alone in starting the storm. I’m sure Natalie played a part. She must have magnified my abilities. I have tried to find her, to see if she can help me, but I have never been able to find her.

           All I can do is take control of the now. I can watch over my mom. I can continue to look for Natalie.

           Someday, this will come to an end.