Dining in Family - Funny short story

Josh had just waxed his new Harley; the rays of sunshine highlighted the perfection of his mechanical engineering miracle. He had finally managed to complete the money to buy it and would finally meet his girl's family today. What better way to impress her and her family than to show them his most treasured acquisition.

He finished rubbing the imperceptible dust motes delicately. As he caressed the leather seat, he remembered the secret the seller had shared with him: "always save a little Vaseline for the upholstery, that will keep it as new and prevent damage in case of rain".

Pleased with his work, he scrutinized its reflection in the metal, the man who returned his gaze left much to say. A t-shirt full of holes and oil stains, his long, ragged hair hanging from his head, he sniffed under his armpits and a grimace of displeasure was drawn on his face.

After a good bath, he made a ponytail and put on his best shirt, faded jeans and a leather jacket. Obviously, something else was missing, his sunglasses.

The 1200 cc of cylinder capacity roared under his legs as he pushed the ignition lever. He adjusted the mirrors and his reflection returned a wink. He looked at his watch and speeded up.

-------

Erika had just mashed the potatoes to make the puree. Anxious, she waited for the perfect moment to tell her mother about the unexpected guest. She was still shaking the cake mix and adding the last tablespoons of powdered chocolate.

Her sister Karla, hummed a song, her blond hair swaying rhythmically on her shoulders as she chopped the vegetables that would come with the marinated chicken before putting it in the oven.

"I invited John for tonight," she finally fired.

Daphne turned off the mixer, her ears had heard wrong.

"What did you say, honey?"

"I invited John for dinner," she snapped the news again with a nervous smile waiting for a nice answer.

Karla opened her eyes when she heard the news, she never thought her sister would dare.

"You know your father doesn't like surprises."

"What better time to do it?" she asked rhetorically, pouting and without waiting for an answer, she continued.

"Besides, uncle Hank and his wife Margrette will come."

Daphne pursed her lips, she knew that in front of Hank, Charles would never make a scene, to him his older brother was like a father.

Both girls were waiting for their mother's answer.

Daphne scratched her head and sighed deeply.

The doorbell rang and immediately Charles' voice echoed on the walls.

"Daphne, Hank is here!"

"I'll be there in a moment," Daphne shouted.

She gave her eldest daughter a disapproving look

"All right, but you'll be the one to tell him," she whispered. She had enough of dealing with the guests and making dinner, she wouldn't be the one to ruin the mood of the evening and she knew her husband's temper very well.

She removed the mix from the mixer, wiped her hands with a cloth and went to attend to the guests.

"Saved by the bell, sister! You got away with it!"

Erika breathed a sigh of relief. At least she already had her mother's approval or so she thought.

"At least we already know who will wash the dirty dishes," added her sister laughing mockingly.

"We'll see about that".

Her family had a tradition, at the end of dinner, after dessert, anyone who spoke would have to wash all the dishes and pots. She had to warn John in advance, the sink was crammed with cookware now and after dinner, surely the tower of dishes would reach the ceiling.

----

"Welcome brother!" shouted Charles effusively at the sight of Hank.

They both hugged each other fraternally.

"Have you gained a few extra pounds?" asked Charles.

Hank laughed loudly, his obese chin danced to the back and forth of laughter. The buttons hidden behind his huge brown tie could barely contain the tight shirt.

"I think the clothes shrunk when they were washed last time," he replied.

"Welcome Margrette," Charles greeted again.

She just smiled and returned the greeting. Margrette, unlike Hank, was introverted and luckily, spoke very little.

Daphne welcomed them as well.

To Charles' surprise, Hank and Margrette were accompanied by a thin, dubious-looking young man. He wore a pink t-shirt wrapped around his body stamped with the face of a Korean music band.

"I know you don't like surprises. He's Freddy, he's a nephew, son of a Margrette's sister, he's visiting for a while," Hank added.

"He's gay," he whispered in Charles' ear.

Margrette rolled her eyes, again embarrassed by her husband's behavior.

"Come in! Welcome," Daphne said to break the silence that had been made minutes earlier.

Charles and Hank sat in the living room and continued their conversation.

Daphne invited Margrette into the kitchen to chat.

Freddy sat on a wooden bench in front of a small bar that had the living room, crossed his legs bored of the sporting conversation held by both gentlemen.

The whole room was decorated with sporting emblems of the "Patriots" football team. In the bar, there was a soccer ball signed by the team.

Erika had finished her chores in the kitchen and had gone to bathe and be ready for Josh's arrival.

Karla brought a couple of beers for Hank and his father. She looked at the new guest who had arrived.

Freddy was urging his cell phone.

"They're Twice, right?" asked Karla, referring to the stamp on Freddy's shirt.

"Finally someone with taste," Freddy replied.

"They're the best," answered Karla.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"A diet soda, please," replied Freddy.

"Come with me, I'm sure you're bored hearing about the Patriots."

"I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

----

Charles and Hank were still talking when Erika entered the room.

"Hi, uncle Hank," said Erika.

"Little girl, how are you? Come and give a hug to your favorite uncle."

"You're my only uncle."

"I know."

Hank laughed and made the buttons on his shirt suffer again. He stood up and hugged his niece.

Erika took advantage of the moment of good humor scattered throughout the room to drop her bomb.

"Dad, I wanted to mention that I invited Josh to dinner tonight."

Charles frowned

"Josh?" asked Hank looking at her and Charles.

"He's a friend."

"A friend?" Hank asked doubtfully.

Charles grunted low.

Daphne arrived on time and interrupted them.

"Dinner will soon be served, we'd better go to the dining room."

"Excellent," replied both gentlemen in unison.

The roar of Josh's motorbike's horsepower caught the attention of both.

"It's a Harley Davidson I hear," Hank asked.

Erika ran to the door and opened it to receive Josh.

"A friend?" Hank asked Charles again, raising an eyebrow.

"Mmm-hmm," was all Charles answered.

----

Josh got off his bike and retired his sunglasses to appreciate Erika's beautiful gray eyes.

"I'm glad you're here."

Both hugged and kissed on the cheek before the eyes of the whole family, which was already at the entrance of the house. Freddy even looked over the shoulders of Daphne and Margrette to appreciate not only the bike.

"Come, I want you to meet my family."

Erika squeezed Josh's hand and he squeezed it back. His sweaty hands couldn't hide how nervous he was.

"He is my father, Charles"

Charles gave Josh's hand a good grip and Josh held it.

"It's a Harley, isn't it," interrupted Hank.

"That's right, sir."

"Hank!" Hank added, giving him a strong handshake as well.

"For sure it reaches 90 miles per hour," he added.

"92.6," Josh replied.

He laughed again and his tie danced against the sorry buttons on the shirt.

"Charles, invite the boy in. You're on time for dinner", Hank patted Charles on the back to alleviate his serious expression.

"This is my mother, Daphne."

"Nice to meet you," Josh replied.

Everyone entered the house and went directly to the dining room.

----

The 8 plates and cutlery were perfectly placed on the table, next to 8 crystal glasses. One set at each end of the table and 3 sets placed on both sides of the table.

Charles sat at one end of the table and Hank sat at his right hand, along with Margrette. Erika sat on her father's left side, in front of Hank, and Josh sat next to her. Daphne sat at the other end of the table, and Karla was in charge of bringing the food and drink. Freddy graciously offered to help her.

"He's a sweetheart," Freddy told Karla, while they were in the kitchen.

As they sat at the table, Erika whispered in Josh's ear

"When they're done eating dessert, don't say a word. Not a peep. I'll explain to you later"

With an almost imperceptible movement, Josh nodded. He was still too nervous to say a word. He only answered what he was asked.

"Tell me, boy, what do you do for a living," Charles asked.

Josh took one of the glasses and took a sip of water. He knew that the moment of truth had come.

"I'm a graphic designer."

"Graphic designer?" asked Charles.

"Here comes the food," interrupted Karla, relieving the tension at the table. The rich smell of baked chicken flooded the dining room and Hank's mouth watered.

"Baked Chicken! My favorite"

Karla left the tray in the middle of the table. Freddy brought the jar of fruit juice and bread rolls. They returned to the kitchen and finished bringing the rest.

"Remember there's chocolate cake for dessert."

Hank laughed again and started serving himself food.

Josh let Erika serve him.

"How much does a graphic designer make," Charles asked, while the chicken was being served.

"Dear, do you want more fruit juice?" Daphne interrupted.

"It all depends on the job. Sometimes you make good profits and sometimes you don't," Josh replied.

And so they continued to eat and talk, mostly Charles and Hank. Daphne and Margrette made one or the other comment.

Freddy and Karla whispered about which button would come out of Hank's shirt, and Erika and Josh barely said words, although under the table, from time to time, Erika sneaked Josh's thigh.

Finally, it was time for dessert.

Strangely enough, everyone stopped talking and Erika gave Josh an eloquent look, which he understood immediately.

They finished the dessert and nobody said a word. Time began to pass and no one moved from their seat.

Josh did not know how long they should be like this, nor did he know what would happen if he spoke. However, he decided to do what he could to break the silence.

Karla and Freddy were dying to know who was going to wash the tower of dishes and pots they had left in the kitchen.

Suddenly Josh kissed Erika on the mouth in front of her parents.

Hank and Charles opened their eyes wide, but none of them uttered a word.

Josh was surprised that they had not said anything and decided to go further. He slid his hand under Erika's shirt and grabbed one of her boobs.

Erika blushed and closed her eyes. Not a fly could be heard throughout the dining room.

Freddy covered his mouth with both hands to prevent any sudden sound from escaping.

Seeing that his attempt was in vain, Josh looked at Karla and she looked at him intrigued. Josh again slid his hand under Karla's shirt and grabbed her breast. She was surprised and with her eyes wide open just like her mother. However, there was not the slightest protest. Charles and Hank were immutable.

Erika frowned.

Josh now went for everything. He got up from the chair and pulled down his pants and showed his member to all and took the breasts of both girls, and undoubtedly, he had an erection.

Freddy drew a promiscuous smile and scratched his throat. Margrette and Daphne covered their eyes with their hands.

Yet no one said a peep.

At that moment the sound of thunder alerted Josh. He looked through the window, large clouds covered the sky. He remembered that his Harley was out in the open. He dug into one of his pockets and found what he was looking for.

Suddenly he pulled out a tube of Vaseline and Charles shouted in it

"I DO THE DISHES! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"