Christmas in Oceania

Christmas in Oceania Ad #1

Hi! This is O’Brien coming to you with a very special gift available just in time for the holidays. We’d really want you to think of Christmas early this year, so that Big Brother can pass down to you his favorite gift. The gift of song. A toy that you can play over and over again on your approved stereo system. You will find all of your holiday favorites in this time limited edition of the finest Christmas music you have ever heard today. Currently only available in vinyl. That’s right, your favorite benevolent leader sings all the classics such as:

Big Brother sings: “I’ll be in your home for Christmas/Just like I am each and every day”.

Big Brother sings: “O little country of Oceania/How daily I see thee lie/Above thy Big Brother dreams/our enemies silently fly by”.

Big Brother sings: “Rude Rolf the current enemy/Is a very lying leader/And I will keep you from seeing him/By protecting you from the bombs he throws”.

Big Brother sings: “Chest and Nuts roasting in hell’s fire/Big Brother clipping off their toes”.

Big Brother sings: “If you go hide out in the mountains/Or in the hills or anywhere/If you go hide out in the mountains/To Oceania, enemies are you sworn”.

Wow, it is like he is with your right in your very own homes! All the classics are here in this wonderful CD collection, Christmas in Oceania. All your favorite artists: Big Brother, Big Brother, Big Brother, Big Brother, Big Brother, Big Brother and many more. All in this unique four cassette collection that you can’t find in any store, because it will be piped in all season long right into your very homes. The only way you can get it in time for Christmas is to engage in approved activities during home hours. 

Currently only available in 8-track tape, Hanukkah in Oceania will be yours free of charge. Thanks to a generous donation from Oceania’s closest and longest ally Rude Rolf. And that includes the kinara, a wonderful centerpiece symbolizing the seven principles of Kwanzaa. Kwanzaa in Oceania is the gift that keeps on giving year round. Act quickly while this wonderful offer lasts. All you have to do is to call up our offices and request the $10.99 be taken out of your pay check to download this MP3 collection of Atheism in Oceania, Big Brother singing your favorite atheistic standards. All the proceeds from the marvelous collection will go to the war efforts against our longest and most feared enemy, Rude Rolf. This is a no-brainer to add to your holiday collection. It will be the easiest gift you can purchase this holiday season. It is as easy as adding 2+2. It equals five. What do you think 2+2 equals?

While supplies last. Only in vinyl. 

Christmas in Oceania Mailer

Dear Valued Citizen of Oceania,

We know it has been a difficult year. Our war efforts with Rude Rolf have exhausted our resources and hurt morale, as we struggle through the long and difficult campaign. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I wish Rude Rolf and all of his horde would just leave us alone and let us to our peaceful ways. Fortunately, we all have Big Brother to lean on during our darkest times. He hears our concerns and is focusing on making sure we will have a happy and joyous holiday season. That is why he has decided to give us his favorite gift. The gift of song. It is the finest present any of us can receive and when you hear this record, you will remember that feeling of unwrapping your favorite toy on Christmas morning as a child. Do yo all remember that feeling? If I describe to you the scene, throw the aroma of a freshly cut tree and homemade cookies baking in the oven, will it seem like you are already there? Like you can practically taste those cookies. Speaking of taste, here is just a taste of the songs you will hear on this holiday 8-track collection.

“All is Want for Christmas is you- Big Brother!” Yes, all any of us want for Hanukkah is you Big Brother!

“Peace on Earth”. Exactly! This is what Big Brother, Rude Rolf and all of our allies want, not just for this holiday season, but for all eternity. We want to know that when we gather round the Kwanzaa kinara, that we can do so safe in the knowledge that we can celebrate the good times with our loved ones, family members and of course, Big Brother, duh!

And of course, my all time favorite, “Silent Night”. It always always brings tears to my eyes, and the way that Big Brother sings it, oh oh, it has a certain sadness and hopefulness all united together. It is so very special. Well, you all know what I mean, you know Big Brother as well as I do. Sometimes I think you all get to spend more time with him than I do. Not that I am jealous, but well, ok, I’ll say it, I am jealous. All of my holiday songs would be how jealous I am that you get the chance to see so much of him and I just have to listen to his wise words during meetings. You get all of the fun stuff. But who am I kidding, it is all fun stuff! 

And so is this CD collection. Act now while supplies last. It is only $14.99. You can’t purchase anything at that price. Not even your life, not even your life, not even your life. Remember all of the proceeds will go to the war effort against our terrible enemy, Rude Rolf. We absolutely need your support to overcome this vile threat against our freedoms. With all of us together, under the ever watchful gaze of Big Brother, victory is guaranteed. In the meantime, let this collection Atheism in Oceania be the gift that delights your holiday season. This is an absolute no-brainer to purchase. It is as easy as the simplest of math. Do you think you know the answer? Not to worry, if you don’t, we’ll tell you. 

Act now while supplies last. Only available through microchip implant. We will make sure you receive all your gifts this holiday season. Thank you!