The Night I met Bigfoot

Are you coming tonight?

           I stared at the message for a few moments. Then typed “no,” but my finger hovered over the send button. The buzzing noise I heard when things got too silent grew louder.

           Why was Jaqueline asking me to hang out? I hadn’t talked to her much in like two years. Sure, we were kind of friends before that, but never super close friends. The kind of friends you’d play with at recess or grab ice cream with, but not the kind of friend you went camping with or called just to say "hey" to on the regular. I barely knew her anymore. To buy myself time, I typed back a question.

           Where?

           To which she responded with, Sushi + bonfire

           To which I thought, what? So sophisticated sounding. What makes a girl who barely talks to you randomly ask you out to sushi? The bonfire seemed real random in there with that too. Although, I couldn’t fathom someone asking me on a date, I felt a need to check if others would be there to ensure it wasn't.

           Who else is going?

           Michael, Carson, Rachel, and Charlie.

           Michael’s last name is Myers, and the fact that his parents went through with that name says a lot. The fact that Michael kind of looks like a crazed serial killer with a cross-eyed, straw-hair-scarecrow look makes it worse. The real kicker being that he almost killed his mother through his birth, and they think that adds a charming joke to his name. It really says all you ever need to know about those deranged family dynamics. Still, Michael has an eclectic music taste that I admire, and I wouldn’t mind getting some recommendations from him. Carson has a polished ken-doll look, and he finds it absolutely hysterical to yell “fore” loudly out his car window when driving by the golf course. Look, I don’t care about the feelings of golfers or anyone really, but that joke is so old and tired and that speaks volumes to who he is. Rachel is a question mark. Not in a cool, mysterious way. She doesn’t have much of a personality and absorbs the interests of whoever she talks to, so I simply know nothing real about her. Charlie is cool. She’s a cheerleader, softball champ, and amazing artist. She has an enviable comic book collection and is a super chill person.

           Good enough for you or what, Luca?

           Yeah, I guess it’d have been a bit of a dick move to refuse at this point, but I’m not entirely above that. The truth was I already had plans to order a pizza and go on a massive zombie killing spree from the comfort of my gaming chair. The real truth was that I enjoy my time alone immensely and the idea of socializing overwhelmed my system to the point of exhaustion and actual physical illness. My mom, counselor, and let’s be honest every adult in my life has been on me hard about making friends and leaving the house every now and then. I adamantly protest every time I hear that, that I’d love to and all, but no one likes me. I guess someone inviting me out means someone likes me. Though it made me suspicious as hell because I know Jaqueline does not like me.

           Jaqueline is a fearsome social climber. The kind ready to shove anyone off a rung and watch them plummet to their death as she climbs higher and higher. I’m about as helpful to a person’s social status as being friends with the town loony. I don’t know if I was bored, actually taking a stab at self-improvement, or what, but I told her I’d go. The zombies would live another day.

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           Michael was the night’s chauffeur because he had a large, rusty van that could fit everyone. It also had that sketchy keep-your-kids-away-from-it look. Bad omen? Maybe. He picked me up after Rachel and Carson.

           Carson reached out the window to slap me a high five before I got in the car, and he said, “Luca! Been forever since I seen you, bruh. What up?”

           I never knew how to respond to what up, so I shrugged and said, “Yeah, good to see you.”

           Michael had some awesome song playing and I craned my neck to read the radio display screen for a name while settling in next to Rachel. I wanted to sit in my own row but figured that’d look weird. Rachel wore this fancy red dress that made me fear I was being tricked into attending some kind of dance or wedding, but Michael looked normal in sweatpants and a t-shirt like I wore, so I relaxed a bit.

           “I’m glad you came,” she whispered in this weird voice like she wanted to sound sexy or something. I wanted to pull open the van door and roll out to safety.

           “Want a beer?” Carson asked.

           “Nah, I don’t drink,” I said.

           Rachel laughed and said, “That’s weird.”

           Michael supported me by adding, “Cool, we can make fun of these drunk idiots later.”

           “Right,” I said to avoid any awkward silence.

We pulled up to Jaqueline’s house next. She walked out wearing what looked like a bikini top and a short jean skirt.

“Gross, she does not have the body for that top,” Rachel laughed in my ear like we were two best buds. 

“I think she looks hot,” I said to annoy Rachel, which worked. I didn’t care one way or another. However, I did regret standing up for Jaqueline when she insisted on sitting next to me and pushing me closer to Rachel. There was a whole free row in the back calling to me. Saying, come on back here Luca. All this nice, comfy space is all for you.

“You came,” Jaqueline said.

“I did.”

“I’m honored. Surely, it was a big sacrifice.” She said sarcastically.

“It was.”

I could see her lips twitching as she fought back a smile. In that moment, I remembered why we had been sort of friends. Jaqueline had a cool side.

“I really like your shirt,” I said to further irk Rachel.

“What shirt?” Rachel muttered low enough that Jaqueline couldn’t hear.

“Uh, thanks?” Jaqueline sounded confused but then she sat up a little taller. That girl loves compliments. Don’t we all, though?

“Yo! Is that Bigfoot?” Carson yelled while pointing out the window.

I grinned. “That’s Mr. Kershaw’s yard.”

Before I could say anymore, Michael jumped in. “He’s got that Bigfoot cut out that he moves around his yard. It’s in a different place every day.”

“It’s not a cut out!” Carson yelled.

Michael slammed on the brakes and looked out the window. Then through fits of laughter said, “What if he got a Bigfoot costume? Ah-ha! That’d be so awesome. Imagine him just roaming around dressed…”

I laughed too. “Remember when he got that little baby Bigfoot and every couple of weeks got a slightly larger one, so it looked like the little guy was growing up?”

Michael could barely breath, “That guy’s my hero.” 

He's the coolest. Carson still looked uneasy though. Rachel sighed like we were immature kids or something, and Jaqueline searched out the window for what spooked Carson. Whatever he saw, seemed to be gone. Maybe Mr. Kershaw was dressing up now.

“I don’t see anything.” Michael said.

“Whatever,” Carson muttered.

“C’mon man, even if it is a Bigfoot, who cares? He won’t hurt you.” Michael assured him while he started driving again.

“These strong guys will save us,” Rachel teased while squeezing my arm for some reason. I pulled it away.

Michael laughed and said, “The key to surviving is being able to outrun the person you’re with. I think we can all outrun you, Rachel, so thanks for the save.”

“Asshole!” Rachel slapped the top of his head.

“Give me a baseball bat and I’d take him down,” Jaqueline joked.

“I’d pay to see that!” Michael said.

Carson stayed quiet all the way to the restaurant.

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Charlie met us at the restaurant since she needed to drop her brother off somewhere, anyway. So far, I felt good about my decision to come out. It wasn’t as fun as killing zombies, but it was a good enough time. This mental thing kept getting in my way though. I still couldn’t understand why they invited me. Why were these people taking a sudden interest in me? I looked around the group hoping for clues.

Carson looked all out of sorts from this Bigfoot sighting. Didn’t take much to shift his moods, I guess. Michael seemed chill enough to go along with whoever wanted me there, but again he also looked like he could be luring us all to a quiet spot to murder us too. Rachel stared at me in this creepy way that made me shudder. What was her deal?

“Someone take a pic with me and the fish!” Jaqueline said and ran over to a larger than human fish statue. The fish held out a serving dish with plastic sushi and chop sticks. Kind of a messed-up thing if you ask me. This fish is offering its own to us on a literal silver platter. No loyalty among fish.

Michael made an obvious show of looking away, Carson groaned, and Rachel made it sound like taking a photo with a fake human sized fish was criminally stupid. Charlie acted shy about it and claimed to hate photos even though she was gorgeous and had absolutely zero reason to.

“I’ll do it.” I volunteered. I mean, being here was already way out of my comfort zone. Why not go all in?

Charlie said she’d take the photo and Jaqueline and I posed with fish faces and hands flapping out like fins. The photo turned into a video. We acted out some whole fish conversation and laughed at our evil cannibalistic ways.

“Don’t you dare post that,” Rachel said. “I’ll be too embarrassed to be your friend.”

That’s not the threat you think it is, Rach.

“Relax. We’re having fun.” Jaqueline rolled her eyes. “Besides, I’ve officially decided to stop caring what others think. It gets you nowhere.”

“That’s the spirit.” Charlie said while putting an arm around Jaqueline’s shoulder. “Especially when it comes to certain, stupid people we won’t name.”

This video was the first thing of me to find its way to social media in years, and I wasn’t exactly ready for the consequences of that. It felt good in the moment though.

We sat at a large table and ordered food. The girls talked about breakups and relationships. Michael grabbed one of those coloring and activity pages for kids and a few crayons. Carson still seemed out of it.

“You okay?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“We could always bail on this. I got a sick new game waiting to be played.”

He stared at me with a squinted-eyed searching look, then grinned as if he had figured something out about me. I tried to think of what secret thing I could be giving away without realizing and curled into myself. People can’t be trusted. I’m not part of this group. I shouldn’t be here.

“Our little town has claimed over a hundred Bigfoot sightings. Do you think it’s all Mr. Kershaw?” Michael asked while coloring a dolphin yellow.

“I can believe people are that dumb,” I said and pulled out my phone to search. Among the numerous Bigfoot articles, I found an interesting news story. Someone in our surrounding towns was murdering people in an animalistic sort of way. The people were ripped apart like large claws had slashed through them. Police didn’t believe an animal was responsible though. I nudged Michael and held out the phone.

“Don’t show him that.”

“Show me what? What is that?” Carson leaned over the table to look.

“Look, Bigfoots aren’t violent. You saw Mr. Kershaw being a weirdo and this is something else,” I said with a confidence I didn’t entirely feel. Now I felt the bad feeling too.

“Oh my god! Drop this stupid Bigfoot talk,” Jaqueline whined. “We’re having fun tonight.”

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After dinner, we ended up at someone’s cabin by a lake. While sitting in front of a bonfire on the beach, I felt an irritation itching inside me. A desire to run away festered. Exhaustion sank my body into the sand. I didn’t want to be here.

Michael apparently gave up caring about his designated driver status after smoking two joints and became belligerently drunk. After annoying everyone, but particularly Carson, he grabbed a kayak, laid in it and floated out on the lake. I watched his tiny vessel bob up and down, then disappear into the dark. My eyes were playing tricks on me. It looked like massive dark arms reached out from the lake and pulled him in.

“That doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

Carson sighed. “I can’t care anymore.”

Charlie and Jaqueline danced with each other while sharing headphones. Their bodies swayed in sync with the climbing flames. Then in giddy voices they announced everyone should go skinny dipping. They whipped off their clothes and ran in. Carson sprinted after them. Evidently, this is all he needed to get over his Bigfoot anxiety. I rolled my eyes and leaned back to stare at the stars. I felt a warm, soft hand delicately touch my knee and then slide up my leg. I jumped and followed the hand to arm to Rachel’s face, which was alarming close to mine.

“What’re you doing?” I said and stumbled out of my lawn chair.

“What do you think I’m doing?” She giggled in that duh-this-is-obvious way. Then she got up and walked towards me. “Why don’t we go inside?”

“No. No, you’ve got the wrong idea. I don’t want─”

“What’s wrong with you?” Like a switch had been flipped, her whole demeanor changed. With a fiery intensity, her glare burned deep into me.

Maybe there’s some mature, right way to handle situations like this, but I don’t know what it is. All I know is this tipped me over the edge. I didn’t want to be there. I was thoroughly wiped out from anxiety. There was no way I was going to be here all night because Michael got too trashed to drive. Things felt way too awkward. I couldn't stand Rachel. I just walked away.

I heard people yelling behind me, but I’m not even sure who or what they said. Tunnel vision had taken over. All I wanted was my pizza and game. Sushi wasn't filling and my stomach growled. I wanted out and nothing was stopping me. As I walked down the driveway, I saw a figure in the trees. The figure was tall, muscular, hairy, and kind of ape like.

“Hey, Mr. Kershaw,” I said and kept walking. I walked for so long through mostly empty streets. I think I walked like five miles before I called an Uber. Guy thought I was real weird for standing in the absolute middle of nowhere waiting for him, but I paid so who cares.

When I walked into my room, it was like my body burst into light. I felt so free and peaceful. I think I even legit hugged my bed. I called in my pepperoni and mushroom pizza and sat down to play.

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Maybe it was weird I hadn’t heard from anyone in days. I know we weren’t real friends, but I thought I made a good enough impression to at least deserve someone seeing I made it home alright. I was nice and all, right?

I put it out of my mind mostly, until the two police officers showed up at my house. As it turns out, all my friends were brutally murdered at that cabin. Clawed apart like some giant animal had gotten to them, but the police didn’t believe that was it. Animals like that weren’t around here, and although I did mention Bigfoot, was he even capable? The video on social media put me as the last person to see them alive. The fact that Rachel left several friends incoherent voicemails about what a jerk I was somewhere around one in the morning didn’t look great for me. Nor did my crazy rambling on and on about Bigfoot and how they should investigate Mr. Kershaw. What’s more unbelievable? Bigfoot ripped apart several teens even though that isn’t his M.O. or nice, old Mr. Kershaw turned out to be a secret psycho killer. All I know for sure is, I didn’t do it. I wouldn’t know how. I think about the fact that either a real-life monster or an evil man dressed as one had stood right in front of me, and all I did was wave, say “hey,” and keep walking.

I got to say, this all seems like proof socializing is overrated. Better to the kill the zombies than be killed.