Alligator Breakfast

For four days straight, Calli had not stopped by the bathtub to feed her alligator, who she called Fox. She thought he was too fat and decided to put him on a diet for her wedding two weeks away. How dumb.

Grien looked at himself in the mirror. I should get some six packs, he thought. He had not agreed to marry Calli because he loved her, but because he had a major crush on her STEPMOTHER! Calli’s stepmom was a hottie, having all the awesome features a guy wants. The only thing they don’t know is she has a HUGE mole on her butt. That’s confidential, so don’t ask me how I know that. I have my ways. 

Grien wanted to impress Calli’s mom in every which way, so he’s been trying to get six packs. He’s tried on every brand of makeup and watched every video on how to draw artificial abs, when he could’ve been working out to get real ones. How stupid.

Back in Calli’s room, she had been trying to tie Fox’s stomach together, making him throw up in the process. “Almost there!” she screamed while Fox scratched her hands uncomfortably. “Stop that!” she yelled. It was her that was hurting the poor gator. How naive.

Grien was now in the bathroom using a dark shade of concealer on his stomach, then shading it in Calli’s makeup sponge. Calli’s makeup sponge. How foolish can a person get?

For a second, Calli just stood there. My dress is too long, she thought, I must look good for my dude Grien. So she cut off the bottom of the dress, turning a perfect piece of clothing into an uneven top. Really?

The day of the wedding arrived. Calli put on her wedding dress, which now gave people access to the back of her undies. Nobody will notice, she thought. And went on. She refused to let anyone do her makeup and hair, so she came out looking like a poop with her messed up bun and the concealer from her makeup sponge. 

Grien combed his hair back with gel a little too much. The gel dripped down his jacket and wetted it. He had finally drawn a decent six pack, but it had come off due to the gel. Nothing I can do now, he thought. 

The couple drove in their broken down minivan and into their friend’s backyard. They had not had enough money to rent a romantic beach, so they decided to hold their wedding by their friend’s bird feeder. 

The friend had a river by the house, where Fox was put in. Poor Fox had been starving for almost three weeks just to have a slim figure, that he wanted to eat a human so bad.

The wedding was about to begin. 20 minutes before the wedding, Calli found Grien kissing her stepmother! Her own mother! Grien and her mom were so into their own world that they fell into the river, where only the sound of bones being gnawed on were heard. Soon, only the bubbles from Fox’s breathing were seen. The two had died. 

Calli celebrated happily. She danced, she sang, she jumped and screamed. Yes! The two are finally gone! She jumped so high everyone noticed her undies. She had forgotten about that, but at this point, she didn’t care. The bridesmaids stood frozen in their places, not knowing what to do. 

The groom dudes locked their eyes on her underwear, drooling puddles. Calli threw the flowers in the air. The bridesmaids tried to catch it, not knowing who Calli was getting married to. It landed on her dad’s head, where it toppled off and into the river along with one of the bridesmaids. Boom. They were gone too. Fox was having a feast so far. He craved for more. It had tasted so good.

Next, Calli walked by the bird feeder. She grabbed a random bird and set it free, holding a leg lift while doing so. Everyone watched in awe as the bird flew beautifully into the air. At least it didn’t end up as breakfast. Calli spit in the air and the drops landed on the bird. It lost balance and fell. Right into the river. AGAIN! Now every person that was still alive was thinking the same thing. Was this planned? 

Calli didn’t seem to notice, she was a little carried away. She pranced over to the home-baked cake and took a big bite. Then, she flung backwards, landing on her dad’s face. She turned around and smiled like an angel, “oops!” and laughed. 

Calli ran away like a kid. She felt like one too. Careful, Calli! She lost her footing and tumbled into the poisoned human-eating water. So long. It was fun while it lasted. 

The wedding was over. People cleaned up and went home. Nobody got married, and no celebration was celebrated. “Wait!” called pie-faced dad. “Who wants the rings?” The people turned around. For a moment everyone looked at each other. Silence. “Me!” shouted everyone at the same time.

They ran towards the ring pillow, tripping over each other while doing so. Calli’s dad didn’t expect this, but as the people ran over, he got shoved into the river, never seen again. The people looked into the waters. The rings and lives were lost. 

“What’s goin’ on,” asked the owner of the land. He had not been invited to the party and had no idea why there were so little people left. Such friends of Grien and Calli’s. Everyone looked at the river, then back at him. Back at the river, then back at him. “The river,” started one of the guests, “has a gator,” added another, “in it.” Finished the last. 

Fox was now full of humans as his owner’s friend took him to the vet. Three months without food was so painful. The vet flipped him over with a machine. “Okay gator, time for an x-ray,” the doctor said. Fox got sent into a machine. He got zapped three times as soon as he got in. Do x-rays hurt that much? He thought as he felt the electrocution. For a moment, everything went black. Then, he saw everyone he had eaten. “Oh heaven!”