The Cooker Hood

‘You know that thing.’

‘What thing?’

‘That big thing. The silver one.’

‘No.’

‘In the kitchen.’

‘No.’

‘It sits over the cooker.’

‘Oh, that silver thing. The cooker hood. Yes.’

‘Well, do you think it removes the smell of cooking?’

‘What else is it there for?’

‘Apparently to remove smells, grease and smoke…’

‘What are you getting at?’

‘I’m just wondering how efficiently it would remove the smell of…’

‘You’ve done something haven’t you.’

‘No I haven’t. Not yet anyway. I’m just thinking.’

‘I know what your thinking means. It means you’re up to something.’

‘No I’m not.’

‘You are.’

‘I’m NOT.’

‘Sis, when you are like this, it means you have either done something, or you are planning to.’

‘I’m just making sure I’m prepared for all eventualities.’

‘Like what?’

‘Anything and everything, sis.’

‘You remember when that boy used to come round all the time and tease us.’

‘Of course I do.’

‘And you really, and I mean REALLY, hated him.’

‘Yes. You hated him too. He was horrible.’

‘I know I did. Then what happened.’

‘I don’t remember.’

‘Yes you do. You kept asking me about the fire pit in the garden.’

‘Yeess.’

‘About whether it would burn everything completely.’

‘I was being practical. It was a sensible question.’

‘Only to you.’

‘I asked the same thing of that man in the DIY shop. He thought it was a sensible question. He didn’t report me or anything.’

‘That’s hardly the point. You didn’t tell him what you wanted to burn.’

‘He didn’t ask.’

‘Good job too.’

‘Anyway, about the cooker hood.’

‘Go on.’

‘Do you think…. I’ve just remembered something.’

‘What?’

‘The boy. They never found him, did they. Not even a trace.’

‘No they didn’t.’

‘Good job too.’

‘You said you’d just remembered something. Was it about the boy?’

‘Yes and no.’

‘What was it then.’

‘It was about ma and pa. Before the boy came.’

‘That was a long time ago, sis.’

‘I know it was. Do you remember them?’

‘Of course I do. But they disappeared and we were left to fend for ourselves. You are three years older than me, so it was easier for you.’

‘Easier? I had to look after YOU as well as myself and I was only 13. I had to keep you safe.’

‘And you did. You swore you would always protect me. Keep me safe.’

‘Did you love them?’

‘Who?’

‘Ma and pa of course.’

‘Sometimes. But not when they….’

‘Shush now. They can’t hurt you anymore. Neither can the boy.’

‘What about the man? The man who came looking for the boy.’

‘The man with the dog?’

‘Yes. The man with the dog.’

‘The dog was fine. The dog was nice. Too nice for him. It has another home now. I made sure of that after…’

‘After what?’

‘You know. After the incident.’

‘Can we not talk about that.’

‘Ok. It wasn’t your fault. It was entirely down to me. He just slipped…’

‘We never talk about these things though, do we? Ma and pa, the boy, the man with the dog.’

‘There were others.’

‘What do you mean by others?’

‘It doesn’t matter. I had to protect you. Always have.’

‘How many others?’

‘Not many.’

‘How many?'

‘Five or six. Maybe seven. I forget.’

‘How can you forget something like that?’

‘It’s been years.’

‘Not that many.’

‘I’m 18 now, I think.’

‘That’s five years. Ma and pa. The boy. The man with the dog. That’s two a year, roughly.’

‘Yes. But not the dog. Never the dog.’

‘Do you think anyone suspects?’

‘Suspects what?’

‘You know.’

‘Why would they? People disappear all the time.’

‘But the boy. The man with the dog was looking for the boy. Someone else will come one day. Looking I mean.’

‘He didn’t find him though, did he? Neither will they. There’s nothing to find.’

‘No, but…’

‘Stop worrying then.’

‘Did you hear that?’

‘What?’

‘That noise. Like leaves crunching. And rustling.’

‘Probably just the wind.’

‘I’m scared.’

‘You’re always scared. I’m not.’

‘You have things.’

‘What things?’

‘The gun. And the knife. And the other things.’

‘You mean like the pills. And the jars.’

‘Yes.’

‘Ah, you know about those.’

‘Of course I do. I’m not stupid. I’m not a child anymore.’

‘Then you know not to be scared.’

'I heard that noise again.’

‘What noise?’

‘The scratching and rustling.’

‘Probably just a fox. Or a squirrel.’

‘Must be a bloody big squirrel.’

‘A badger then. Or a wolf.’

‘There are no wolves in this part of the world anymore.’

‘Yes there are. I saw a video on YouTube. How they’ve been rewilding. Releasing animals back into the wild. Like wolves. And beavers. That kind of thing.’

‘When did you see the video?’

‘When I went into the library. When I went to the supermarket. Last week.’

‘We should have the internet.’

‘NO!’

‘Why not?’

‘They can trace you if you have the internet. Or a mobile phone. They can follow the signal. They can find you.’

‘Maybe I want to be found.’

‘What! Since when do you want to be found?’

‘Since the boy and the man with the dog came looking for him. I don’t feel safe anymore.’

‘You’ll always be fine here with me.’

‘That noise…’

‘I heard it too now. We need to hide. Quick. Into the shed.’

‘I hate the shed.’

‘We have no option. Just stay very still and keep quiet.’

‘Hello! Is anyone there? Is anyone at home?’ 

‘Shh. Stay perfectly still.’

‘I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just looking for someone. Wondered if he’d been here. A few months back. Just a lad really. Don’t mean no harm. Just a bit boisterous, that’s all.’

‘Stay where you are and don’t move an inch. I’ve got a gun. And it’s loaded.’

‘Bloody hell. Who are you? You’re just a kid. I’m not going to hurt you. As I said, I just came looking for…Argh!’

‘What are you going to do with him, sis?’

‘You know, earlier I asked you about the cooker hood.’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you think it totally removes the smell of cooking?’