THE DUCKS

March 19th.

I lay wide-eyed, staring at the ceiling as my obnoxiously loud alarm keeps going and going. Didn't sleep a wink.

"Jay, we don't need to be woken up by your alarm at seven in the morning," I heard my younger sister Kelly groan down the hallway.

"Yeah, especially on a Saturday morning, you stupid bum!" exclaimed Miles, her twin.

I could hear the crankiness in both their voices, the wonderful sound of sleep-deprived teenagers.

"That's your own fault for staying up every night on your phones," I mumbled as I went about my morning routine. Breakfast, work out, brush teeth, shower and dress up real nice, as today is a special day.

Some day, huh?

Shirt and tie, the purple criss-cross one, because we all know that's the superior colour and pattern.

"I'm heading out, you rascals, so don't destroy the place while I'm out," I said as I knocked on both their doors.

"Yeahhhhhhh," they groaned in unison.

Just like any other day in our flat.

Just like any other...

We live in a small, very poorly designed flat. You walk into a dining-living room area, a small corridor with the bedrooms and bathroom branching off and at the end, the kitchen. Who in their right mind separates the kitchen and the dining-living room area!?

But it's the only place I can afford right now.

It's been this way ever since Mum and Dad passed away a year and a half ago. Terrible pile-up, all cause some asshole was texting and not paying attention to the road. I do my best to provide for Miles and Kelly, but I'm currently in between jobs. It's bloody difficult looking after not one, but TWO moody teenagers all by myself.

It goes over my head why Uncle Phil won't take us in.

Maybe because I'm a "responsible 25-year-old adult"... yeah right. I barely know what I'm doing.

He does send us money when we're struggling, like now for example because I'm unemployed.

As I head for the door, the table catches my eye. On closer inspection, there's a small note alongside a small Toblerone bar, my favourite.

Good luck in your interview Jay, we know you'll smash it! Love, Kelly was written in nice, flowing calligraphy. A hint of a smile appeared, which turned into a grin when I read and Miles, which appeared to have been etched onto the paper by a 5-year-old child.

"Miles really is hopeless," I mused to myself as I left the door with Toblernone in hand.

The day is a bit cloudy and not particularly warm, with a bit of wind. Just your average day in the middle of March. As the number of people around me increases in numbers and it's getting louder and louder, I know I'm getting close.

The only thing our town is known for is that it was a resting stop for a king on his trips from London to some other place further south of us, but I'm not entirely sure about the facts. It has a fairly bustling town centre for its relatively small size, with a high street full of shops and chain restaurants.

I finally stood outside The Old Mill, one of the best-known pubs in town.

And the best paying...

I quickly glanced at my reflection on the glass, straighten my tie that has run amuck from passing strangers, as well as my hair which has been battling it out with the winds.

"There we go," I whisper, "all ready."

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves and I step inside.

Half an hour later, I step out and take a deep breath of fresh air.

"Man is it stuffy in there," I laugh to myself, "congratulations on fucking up your fifth interview in the last two weeks."

I take out my phone and decide to call Kelly, as she's obviously the more mature out of the two younger ones.

"Hey, Jay! How was your interview?" she asked, all excited and shit.

"I think it went rather well," I said. You know, like a liar. "I'll be back at around 5:15, and if I'm not back by then you can call Uncle Phil and he'll sort you out before I get back."

"Sure thing Jay," she said happily.

She's probably painting again, that really puts her in a good mood.

"Okay goodbye little one, and say hi to Miles for me."

I hang up without waiting for a response and quickly make my way to the nearest Tesco and buy some bird feed.

I make my way to the park, which is a quaint little place. Personally, I think it's best when the sun is shining a bit brighter and we don't have to wrap up so much against the wind. I sit on one of the many benches by a small pond, where a raft of ducks have decided to call home. A duck trailed by five ducklings decides to break away from the rest and make its way to shore.

I open the bird's feed and decide to sprinkle some their way, just like I always do three times a week.

Now would be a good time to call Uncle Phil...

As the phone rings, I struggle to find the best way to say what I want to say, like solving an impossible puzzle.

He never answers his phone during working hours so I'll have plenty of time to get my message across, and he should get the voicemail just before 5:15.

"Hello, you have reached Phil. Sorry I can't take your call right now but I'll get back to you as soon as possible... BEEP!"

"Hey, Phil! It's Jay calling. There's... really no easy way of saying this but I'll also send you a text after this. So basically I've been..."

-

No one is ever around here at this time of day.

I really do like this bridge just on the outside of town, I think I picked the perfect place.

I told myself this winter that today would be the day, and here I am.

I stopped and looked down at the river below as I slowly climb up to the edge, my toes a few centimetres over the edge.

I'm not scared.

At least not anymore.

A moment of nothingness and then...

This has been on my mind ever since I've had to look after Miles and Kelly.

I never had the time to check myself out properly.

I mean, I'm supposed to be the responsible adult.

What a terrible joke that is.

I wasn't taking good care of my family, however hard I tried. At least I know that they will be fine living with Phil. Besides, it's not like they're little kids; they can practically take care of themselves.

Ah, the river is getting fairly close now.

I always wondered what my last day would be like, and my last thoughts.

Would I be sad? That's not exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Relieve? No, that's not it either.

I have no idea what I'm feeling right now.

I guess... nothing.

I tried so hard to picture what my last moments would be like, I almost forgot to actually experience them.

Kelly, I know you'll be a great artist someday. Keep doing what makes you happy.

A tear rolls down my cheek.

Miles, you're a mess, but a good kid. I know you'll be just fine.

My lips start to tremble.

Phil, take care of my family.

A smile crosses my face, my last.

Mum, Dad... I'll see you soon.

As for my very last thought?

I hope someone keeps feeding the ducks.