The Dee-Oh-See-Tee-Oh-Are

As a kid, I know everything. I know when my parents are going to give me ice cream, I know when they are going to give me medicine. I know about dogs, dinosaurs, television, and I know all about soccer. I even know when my parents are talking about taking me to the doctor, when they think they are being sneaky. (They aren’t) , I also hear everything, my mom says it makes me “problematic”, I know that problematic means they need to keep an eye on me. So if they are talking about something they don’t want me to hear, they talk in a funny code. Using words I’ve never heard. Like today, my mom and dad went into the kitchen and were saying things like, “ We need to take Ezra to the Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are.” I don’t know what the Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are is but I don’t want to go there.

Like I said, I know everything so I have to know what this means. I don’t know if I can trust my parents because they might take me to that Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are. So I do the only logical thing, and spy.

Now, I am a great spy, I can tip-toe so fast like a spider, and I have these really cool spy goggles that I got for Christmas. I just have to put on my spy clothes. Do spies wear Spider-Man shoes? Probably, it’s in the name.

OK, now I’m all dressed. Time to spy.

I am sneaking downstairs now. I can hear my mom and dad talking in that funny code again. I have to write down what they are saying. My mom is saying “Ezra needs his ess-ach-oh-tee-s’s.” And my dad is saying “Yes, maybe after we can get him i-see-ee-see-are-ee-ay-em.” I run back upstairs quietly to compare my notes. Naturally, I have been documenting these codes like any good spy, and have gathered some intel.

Code words:

• 1. Pee-oh-pee-ess-i-see-el-ee = Popsicle
• 2. Pee-ay-are-kay = park
• 3. i-see-ee-see-are-ee-ay-em = ice cream

A-ha! I found it. Okay, so after they take me to the Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are to get ess-ach-oh-tee-s’s I’ll get ice cream. I love ice cream. Maybe it isn’t so bad. It’s probably a playground. Or- No, I can’t fall for it that easily. Maybe it’s a trap! Yes, a trap. It’s always a trap. That’s what James Bond says. I must know more about this Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are business.

”Ezra! Get your shoes on we are going somewhere!” My mom shouts for me. I don’t have much time, I have to hide! I snatch up my goggles and notebook and hide in my closet. The best hiding spot. I’m not some amateur who hides under his bed. Pshh. 

“Ezra? Where are you? We have to go.” I hear my mom enter my room. I forgot to set up my booby traps! I’ll have to be extra quiet. 

“Ezra, not this again!” I hear her get closer to the closet. She knows my secrets! I have to do something!

“You’ll never take me!” I jump up and run past her, closing my bedroom door behind me. 

“Ezra!” I hear her yell but I’m already speeding down the stairs like a cheetah. The house is a jungle but I am a master. I spin around the fallen log couch, leaping like a lion over the massive rock tables. I soar like an eagle through the front door. 

“Freedom!” I’m finally free! They will never ta-

“Got you!” A massive lion wrapped its giant paws around my wings. Trapping me in its grasp.

”No! Stop! I don’t want to!!” I wriggle out of the grasp and see my father standing there. Half man half lion. The swishing tail and crossed arms mean something. He looks angry and now I’m scared. My wings fold in and my eagle beak disappears.

”What are you doing, Ezra?!” He shakes his head and my wings disappear and now I am but a lowly spy, who has blown his cover. 

“I’m sorry, dad. I don’t want to go to the Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are to get ess-ach-oh-tee-s’s!” I run to hug my lion dad, begging for forgiveness. 

“ Ezra! It’s fine, it’s okay you just started cawing and running away. I was worried. Do you know what that is?” My brave father asks me. I think about it. No, I still do not know what that is.

”No. Is it some sort of torture device, is it code to take me out?I’m sorry! Ill clean my room I promise! I’ll do all of my homework! Please, I don’t want to go!” I cling to my dad’s leg, hoping that whatever evil thing is planned for me, he will protect me.

”Ezra, it’s not some evil thing. It’s the doctor!” The word leaves his mouth in slow motion. No. It can’t be! Not the Doctor! hat evil man in his white coat and cold hands. Poking and prodding, trying to squeeze the life out of me. And those horrible needles, stabbing me, leaving me to die. I cannot let them take me.

”NO! I won’t go! You can’t make me!” I never thought it would be this bad, that the Dee-oh-see-tee-oh-are would be this terrible. I must protect myself. 

***

”Ezra, come on.” I watch my son hobble out of his room dressed in probably all of his clothes.

”Ready to go!” I follow him to the car, waiting for his father to say something. But he doesn’t, just buckles him in and gets in the car. Coward. We start the drive to the doctor and Ezra is oddly quiet.

”Ezra? Are you okay back there?” 

“I’m not Ezra, I’m a brave eagle, ready to soar.” He makes whooshing noises and sticks his arms out like a bird. 

“Okay Mr. Eagle.” The drive doesn't take long and soon we are sitting in a stark white waiting room with air that smells of sanitizer.

”Mom?” Ezra tugs on my sleeve.

”Yes?”

” Will you be my brave cheetah, to protect me from the evil man?” His eyes water and his mouth turns to a quiver.

”Yes, honey. Yes, I will be your protector cheetah.” I don’t question my son’s antics and watch him ask his father to be his protector lion. I don’t know what goes on in his head. We have to be his protectors from the doctor. It is not the weirdest I’ve seen him.

”Mr. … Eagle?” A nurse in blue scrubs scan the room and Ezra jumps up from his seat.

”I am an eagle, soaring thorough the skies!” He flies to the nurse, following her to a room. 

“What goes on in that boy's mind?” My husband asks as he continues to act like an eagle being protected by jungle cats.

”I have no idea.”

***

My feline protectors watch carefully as the evil jungle man attacks me with some sort of large spear. But I am okay, my protectors fend off the attack with a thick bandage. And soon my wing is patched up with a Spider-Man bandaid. It will be my battle scar. A brave hero who will never be stopped. 

On the way back from the jungle adventure, we stop at a temple of sweet treats for a large bowl of ice cream. Only the best for the jungle warriors. We brave the brain freeze, fend off the stomach aches and soon we are so full the jungle wavers in front of me.

“Lion warrior? Cheetah warrior?”

”Yes, Mr. Eagle?”

”Will you always protect me?”

”Yes. Yes, we will.”