Social Dis-aster

I had always had a plan for myself, turn 25 and everything would just magically fall into place. I’d have the dream job, physique, car, apartment and of course the dream guy to share everything with. Unfortunately, at 28 I can say that my reality is much different from when I first imagined it years ago. Although I might’ve just gotten an assistant job at XIV atelier, I am far from the dream life that I created so long ago, so much so that the person I am today wouldn’t even recognize the person I wished to be.

 This summer however was going be different. I was determined to take my fate into my own hands and make all of my eventuallys turn into actualities. I even made a list.

First thing on the list, was to get a job that will help me make connections. With a lot of hard work, I have achieved it.  It may not seem like it now, but getting the Starbucks order every day is just prepping me for the day I am able to take over. So, the next thing on the list is… getting a boyfriend. I know it’s a lot to ask this day and age when the meet-cute is less common than the Tinder swipe but I’m hopeful that he’s out there somewhere. Well, a little cynical, but mostly hopeful.

So, I took the plunge and signed up for a dating app. I did it begrudgingly, but I did it. Even if it was just to get another thing checked off my list. I told myself that I was only looking but my heart wasn’t completely in it.

 Last Monday, I was going about my morning routine and getting ready for work. I drove to the train station and standing on the platform I get a notification about an email. I opened the email from Rebecca my “lovely “ new boss who had also CC’d a bunch of other people. The email said “All employees of XIV have been laid off until further notice. Please apply for unemployment.” I dropped my phone on the train platform just as the train pulled up. The train like the station was eerily empty in comparison to the typical commuting crowd. I was so distraught I didn’t question the emptiness. I picked up my phone and through my cracked screen I saw a notification that said: “ Aspen_Aperture has sent you a message.” The message read like a cosmic joke “Hey beautiful! Hope your day is as great as you are.” I put my phone in my pocket and raced back to my car before the tears in my eyes began to fall.

“What the hell does this mean?” I called Mom on the way back home. I was crying so much I was embarrassed to go into my apartment and face my roommates. I had just moved out of my parents’ house and moved in at the beginning of the year. I just got my job and even though it wasn’t my dream job it was the closest I’ve ever been to the career I want. I didn’t know how to face them, luckily when I entered the apartment after I hung up with Mom no one else was home. I walked the apartment knowing that my adult life would be over sooner than it started.  

Just then my phone screen lit up again. I looked at it as if it were mocking me. Another notification was on the screen. Aspen_ Aperture says, “ I’d really like to talk sometime.” I was not in the mood to even respond. Instead, I opened his profile. He was actually cute, which was very surprising.  Despite the fact that he had terrible timing, I couldn’t exactly rule him out. I was kind of flattered that he was so persistent. It was different, in the best way possible. With goal 2 on my list in mind, I decided to respond hoping he would be the distraction I needed from my new unemployment status. I texted back. “Sure. When? ;)”

Almost immediately my phone lit up again. “ How about tonight?” He was forward which left me skeptical but, the day couldn’t get worse at that point. I sent him my number and we set up a phone date for that night at 8.

My roommates came home early that day, too. Sutton was furloughed from her job at the Carolina Theatre and seemed to be handling it better than I did, or at least she made it seem that way. Jane was stressed out trying to learn the new protocol to teach her students online. Katrina was the least stressed of us all due to the fact that her freelance gigs would most likely still continue during the pandemic, then again she usually doesn’t tend to stress about much. We ate pizza provided by Jane and had the most honest conversation we had ever had before. We laughed and cried and told each other of our fears. Sadly, that would be one of the last nights we were all together.

At 8, I grabbed my phone and was ready to hear the voice of my secret admirer. I waited for 15 minutes and with every minute that passed by I convinced myself that I had been the biggest idiot to fall for this guy’s practical joke. I put my phone down angrily by 8:30 and it rang instantaneously. I looked at the phone which said the unknown number and put it right back down. I went and took my shower for the night and got ready for bed. I picked up my phone again at 10 and there was one single voicemail. I played it back.

The voicemail sang out across the room “ Hey this is Nick calling for Lauren, otherwise known as Aspen_ Aperture on Disguise Date. I’m sorry, I couldn’t call at 8 like we said.  My flight got cancelled from London and I’m trying to make it back to the States before everything shuts down here. Please call me. I really want to talk to you, we seemed to have a good vibe going online. Call me back at any time. Okay bye.  Can’t wait to hear from you.”

I picked up my phone and without a second thought hit redial. Turns out he wasn’t the prick I imagined him to be. We stayed on the phone for hours, which was made possible by the fact that I had nowhere to be the following morning. This was one of the only positive of everything being at a standstill, there was nothing but an abundance of time.  We talked until the sun came up that night.

He was cute and I was smitten. His voice was sexy and calming which was exactly what I needed right then.  He was very polite and attentive, which is quite amazing to tell from one phone conversation. He told me he was a photographer and he was in London for a magazine shoot that just got cancelled right as he got there. Nothing like a pandemic to screw everyone over. He lives close by in Charlotte which is kind of surprising since I’ve never run into him before. He told me that he’s concerned about his grandparents getting sick in their nursing home and wished he could be home to help his parents bring them back home. Nick has the most perfect laugh and even when flipping through his pictures on the app I could tell that we had something more than just two people on a dating app. I was compelled to know more about him. I was bold and at the end of our conversation, I asked him on a second date. “ This time over video chat,” I said completely flirting. He agreed and we scheduled it for the next night.

           When I woke up the next day I couldn’t help but think that it all had been a dream. I was happy when I checked my phone for verification, it was all right there just where I had left it. Proof, that he, in fact, was real. I spent the entire day ripping through my closet trying to find the perfect top to wear for our virtual date. The top was the only thing that mattered so it had to be perfect.

As the hours went by quicker, my heartbeat quickened with it. I was so nervous, even though I couldn’t fathom why. I had been on a few dates before and those were in person so this one should’ve been easy, but I never had a connection with a guy like this before. I know it’s crazy to think that after one phone call, but with Nick, I felt safe. Like I’d met him already had known him for years, which left me feeling conflicted about how I should act when I finally see him.

           I cooked dinner and went outside to the roof of the apartment building to be alone for my date. I waited anxiously for him to call. My computer started ringing and my hearts sank to my stomach. “This is it,” I said to myself. I took a deep breath and answered the call.

“Hi,” I said trying to hide my giant smile. Nick was even cuter than his pictures even with the grain of the video chat screen I could see that he was gorgeous. He reciprocated my “hi’ and that’s the last thing I remember clearly. The rest of the night was a blur of giddiness and happiness, much more than I had ever thought was possible for having a date with my computer.

Things moved pretty quickly after our first date. We still hadn’t met in person but the days that we were apart seemed to just get longer and longer. We video chatted every night since our first virtual date and it made it seem like he was there with me.  My sense of longing to be with him only grew stronger every day we were apart. He had finally made it back from London but had to quarantine for two weeks.

  By the time he had finished the quarantine, we were supposed to meet. The day before we had agreed to meet ‘socially distanced’, he got a call from his parents that his grandmother had gotten sick and was in the hospital. He called me that night and apologized profusely. I was devastated but understood that the grief he was feeling was much more upsetting than I could even imagine.  Nick went silent for a couple days. I assumed the worst about his grandma and even though I didn’t yet have actual confirmation of my gut feeling, I knew that he was taking time to process.

I gave him a week before I texted to check-in. I missed him too much. Before his grandma passed we hadn’t gone one day without talking at least 5 times and texting almost every other moment. Nick was different now.  He was detached and I couldn’t help but think that I would somehow get lost in the shuffle of all this emotion he was feeling. I didn’t know how to comfort him when I didn’t really know him. It almost had been like he was a daydream and he was so far away yet so close. I wished that we didn’t have to be apart.

Unfortunately,  soon after things seemed to break off with Nick.  Sutton and Katrina decided that they should move back home to try and save money. Considering we didn’t know how long we would be unemployed it was the most responsible option. It took a lot out of me giving up my freedom and independence. Here, I was one day with the job that would lead me to the career I had always dreamed of and an apartment that was a sign of future  I desperately wanted to come, and I had to give it all up. I decided that the best move would be to go back home. By that time, I had heard from Nick only a few times and the touch and go status of our relationship was not going to work for me long term. Unfortunately, like everything else, this was just another thing that wasn’t going my way.

I returned home to Wilmington unhappy and disappointed, knowing all too well that I really didn’t have much to complain about.  That didn’t stop me from complaining anyway. Every day started with a scowl and a grunt. I was miserable.  I  had to start over and the killer of it all was that Nick seemed to be out of the picture. I was so numb to it all that it seemed to not even matter to me, even though it festered under my skin like a giant emotional zit.

I had a lapse of judgement one day and got really drunk on Mom’s  Pino Greccio. I texted Nick a goodbye text and without revising, editing or having someone with a sound mind look it over first. Panic ensued as I had just realized that I just word vomited at a guy I barely knew. Telling him everything I didn’t want him to know. I threw my phone in my nightstand drawer and left it there for hours. Eventually, curiosity got to me and I was drawn back to the phone. I opened the drawer and I had seen 20 missed calls and 7 voicemails all from Nick. He left one text that popped up as I picked up the phone.  “Hello, Lauren? Are you there? “  I answered “ Yes.” He responded,  “So it’s over, just like that ?” I closed my eyes trying to keep the tears from falling from my eyes while I took a few deep breaths.  The phone lit up again. “Please don’t do this, I want you. I know things have been getting in our way. This pandemic has been terrible for everyone, but I would still really love to meet you if you would give me the chance to. “  he texted again.  I let my hands graze over the phone screen reading his words over trying to guess the inflexion in his tone for each one. I took another long breath and responded. “ I want you too, but this seems destined not to work between us. I just wish it was easier. The timing is all wrong.” Nick replied,” I will do whatever it takes to meet you.”  I smiled thinking that this was all too good to be true, it had been a welcome distraction before but now it just seemed like a fantasy, one that could only exist virtually. I feared that we could only exist virtually, and we would fall apart in the new reality that was being created without our control.

I took what felt like a lifetime to text him back.  “I would love to meet, I’m just scared that we will never be able to do it. There is always something getting in our way.”  Nick responded “ The best we can do is try, come hell or high water I am going to meet you, Lauren. I’ve wanted nothing more than to meet you.” My heart fluttered as I typed “  Mine too. Okay, when?”  “ Next  Tuesday” he replied with no hesitation. “It’s a date,” I said. A smile graced my face that I couldn’t wipe off no matter how crappy and monotonous the days in the week leading up to our date became.

The night before we were supposed to meet there was a threat of a hurricane coming. I hoped that by some miracle it would just bypass us, and my date would go as planned. That Tuesday morning the fates had proved me wrong once again. Rapid winds sent tree limbs into people’s cars and houses. I stared out the window in disbelief and watched as the wreckage on my street. To make matters worse my car was blocked in by a huge tree that hit my neighbors’ garage and nearly hit my car. So much for my date. I called Nick defeated. I cancelled our date with no real plans to schedule it again. I had given in to the fact that Nick and I were not supposed to be together. It was that complicated and simple all at once.

I was getting ready to go to bed early and there was a knock at my front door. Mom had answered it thinking it might be the electrical company that she had called about the tree.  Mom suddenly called out my name. “ Lauren, Lauren, there is someone here to see you!” “My mom called out again “Lauren”. “Coming” I screamed. Something made me realize that she, in fact, wasn’t joking. I quickly combed through my hair with my fingers and changed back into my outfit from the day. I ran down the hallway to the front door and saw someone standing over to the side. He was familiar although we had never met before. He was drenched with a dilapidated bouquet of flowers in his hand. “Nick” I sighed. “Come hell or high-water right?”  He said with a smile glistening across his face.  I ran to him and gave him a hug. He was real and standing right in front of me.  I didn’t quite care that I didn’t know him, or if he had Cov-id or if my mom was standing there watching us. I kissed him unlike I kissed anyone before, and it was better than I could’ve imagined it.  It was well worth the wait.  I was finally in his grasp and him in mine and there was nothing that felt that perfect in my life. The pandemic although it may have royally screwed me over, I wouldn’t have had it any other way because it brought me to him.