My Book saved My Life.

I was a very lonley and very scared person and my life had so much fear in it. I did not act and function like people I knew and I was considered very strange and Odd. I was scared of my own shadow and I allowed people to walk all over me in my own family and in my place of work. I was a target for Bullies and because of my timidity I just allowed the bullying to continue and get much worse. I lived with my grandparents and even though I wanted for nothing my grandmother was very dominant and my grandfather was very bigoted. I lived a very claustrophobic life and I was always on edge. I was never relaxed or at ease with myself and I was a very nervous person. I was confused and petrified of my sexuality and I knew that my grandparents were not accepting of gay people at all in their eyes it was an abomination to the world. Anything Homosexual or different brought up at the dinner table was very sternly hushed up and very much mocked. I did not know where my life was going or even why I existed at all I felt invisible and I was very much alone. It should have been a time in my life when I was having fun as I was only twenty two and my sexuality should have been explored but instead I was hiding away from the world and I was in so much inner pain and hurt. I just ate and bathed and slept and worked but my needs as a human being like bonding and love and security did not exist. My family did not look upon me as a human being but much more of a robot with no human needs and my place of work just looked down on me and I was sick to the back teeth of my life. I was in my bedroom one day just lying on my bed contemplating my life and all it's Blackness when my great grandmother's wardrobe door flung open completely on it's own and it had never done this before. I got up from my bed and I walked over to the wardrobe and looked inside something I had never done before. At the very bottom of the wardrobe was an old typewriter which must have been my great grandmother's when she was alive. I pulled it out of the wardrobe and dusted it off and it was still working fine. I placed the typewriter on my desk and put some of my paper inside and started to type and it was all working fine. Out of the Blue an Idea came into my head to write a story based on my own life and how I had gone completely off the tracks of my life and lost all control of my life and lived in fear of myself. I wrote a few lines about a very scared young man going through challenges in his life and my own life was being brought alive through my very own fingers. It was a book that was so easy to write because I based the character on myself. It was like a huge breath of Fresh Air in my life and for the first time in my young life I was feeling good about myself because I found something that gave me so much Inner Joy in the privacy of my little bedroom. I wrote about fear repression , depression , and sexuality and it all poured out of me and I was able to express myself through my imagination. I brought more characters to my story and I even gave my own character a boyfriend but it came with huge challenges and lots of tears. I was liberated and I was feeling good and my life now meant something and this was all through my imagination and my creative Juices. I could care less what my grandparents said at the dinner table and I did not care so much about the bullying in work because I had made a friend and that Friend was my character and it lived for me personally. My grandmother would ask me ' what are you doing up in that bedroom all the time?'. But I just made the excuse that I was reading a book little did she know that I was actually writing a book. I could not wait to finish my food and get upstairs and write and get my creative juices flowing. I loved my character and I loved thinking about him all the time. I put him in some tragic situations but as I always have he got through them and survived. I actually finished my book and I was very sad that my friend and character was no longer he had come to an end as everything does and I missed him very much even though he was only a figment of my imagination. I went to my local library and I looked up some publishers who might be interested in such a story and I wrote letters to them telling them about my book. I had many rejections about such a story and it was my first time writing a book. I took a chance on my grandparents not opening my mail but it was a chance I had to take as they knew nothing about my book. Then out of the blue a letter came in the post asking me to send a publishing company my manuscript which I did and two weeks later I had another letter telling me they were going to publish my book which made me want to pop inside myself. I had written a novella which only I knew about and it was my own little world. My book came in the post and my grandmother asked me ' what I had been ordering and she hoped it was not a waste of money '. I ran upstairs and opened it and my book was alive in my hands. I was now a published writer and it gave me so much inner Joy and personal achievement. I continued to write in secret because it gave me such a buzz in my mind and body and I even got my own little flat because my writing gave me the incentive to be alone to do my work. I found something in my life that gave me so much inner pride in a world where there was so much negativity and discouragement. My grandparents were shocked that I wanted to move out of their home but writing gave me the confidence to be alone with my imagination for company. Nothing happened in my life physically that changed but so much happened in my mind and having the gift of creativity was sent by god or was it my great grandmother. One thing was for sure as much as I hated my life with a passion Ironically it was my own life that would one day make me a writing great.