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Romance Funny

This story contains sensitive content

***Disclaimer: Contains cussing... but some funny cussing.***

I can’t sleep, where’s my phone? Hmm, that’s weird, I could have sworn it was next to me. I continue to search for it, making more noise. There’s a flash.   

“It is four in the morning, go to sleep!”

“Sorry babe.”

“Babe?” She looks at me stunned. Sighing, turning off the flash. “Look, don’t be nervous, you’ll do great!”

“Yeah,” I say confidently.

The past few weeks I’ve been meeting with an acting class. They announced they were holding auditions for an upcoming play, “Keith, the Athletic, Minority Friend”. I wanted that fucking role and auditions were today!

I couldn't sleep. So I got dressed, kissed Sheila and headed into the office.

The date read, 7/23 at 2 PM sharp. I circled it on my calendar. I looked at the rest of the invite to ensure I didn’t miss anything.

The following dress code is required: a white t-shirt, black shorts, and tennis shoes. Failure to adhere to the required attire will result in immediate dismissal.   

“What do you think they’ll have us do?” Derek whispers over my shoulder. I jump out of my seat, spilling the freshly brewed coffee on my white shirt.

I sigh, flick him off, and make a mental note to head home before auditions. “I have no idea. Probably run a few lines, maybe test our athleticism. Thanks for doing this, did you practice?”

We’ve been friends since college. Having him practice lines with me was a no-brainer. Plus, I’ve learned a thing or two about his “tell signs”.

“I mean yeah. I studied last night.” That means no.

He changes the subject, “Why are you here this early?”

I look at him, “Why are you here this early?”  

He chuckles, “You woke Sheila up again, huh?”.

I look at him and roll my eyes. We both laugh and proceed to work.

I took a half-day. Sheila was still home, sleeping. She’s been tired lately, we both have. I sit on the edge of the bed and watch her. She’s so much nicer asleep. The last thing I remember was yawning.

I woke up to my alarm ringing, it was 12:45 PM. I better hurry. It looks like Sheila took the car, damn. Call a Lyft. It’ll be here in 10, make sure you have everything. It’s here! I bolt towards the door and out of the house.  

“Whew” as I plop down in the backseat.

“One of those days, huh?” She says understandingly.

“I’ll say.”

“Are you from here originally?”

“No. Alumni, I just moved back to town. It’s funny how some of these places haven’t changed.”

Very rarely do places make me sentimental, but it felt like the driver was purposely taking scenic routes. Everything we passed, carried some sense of nostalgia. We drove through campus and I saw my freshmen dorms, I can’t believe it’s already been over a decade. I saw the parking lot, remembering how it felt, playing musical chairs with my car. Attempting to find any available space after a long day. We passed the dining hall, where I had my first “biscuits and gravy”. A warm smile covered my face.

“You have a beautiful smile, you should wear it more often.” The driver says, looking at me through her rear-view mirror.

I nod, meditating on her words. We arrived at the fitness center. I exit the car.

“Live a little, it’s important to cherish these moments.” The driver says, handing me my bag.

She was right, again. “Thank you,” I said to her, she smiled as we went our separate ways. I headed inside. I was early, and unfamiliar with this place, must be a new building. I see some chairs to the right of me and grab a seat in the lobby, waiting for people to arrive.  

10 minutes later a group walked in, holding yoga mats.

“Excuse me, we’re here for hot yoga!”

“Of course, right this way.” The activity director points at the sign near the stairs.

The group leaves. I sit, attempting to place the activity director’s voice. It sounds familiar. 10 more minutes pass by, and another group heads toward the activity counter.

“Excuse me, we’re here for “Open Gym.””

“Of course, right this way.” The activity director points at the courts in front of her.

“Hey wait up guys!” A man yells in the rear.

“Keith!” the group yells as they continue toward the basketball courts.

I think to myself, “Son of a bitch.” 

Over the next 10 minutes, I hear the same questions and responses over and over again.  This drives me nuts, I look at the time and get up to check the activity board.

“Week of 7/21 Activities: Hot Yoga: 7/23 1:30 PM - 2:30 PM. Open Basketball Court: 7/23 1:30 PM - Close.”  

Confused, I headed toward the activity director’s desk.

“Excuse me, are there -”

“No.” She interrupts rudely.

I look round, take a breath, and look at her. “Do you have anything scheduled for 2 PM today?”

“She looks up, clears her throat, and says, “What you see is what we have.” With her message received, attitude and all, I headed back to my newly acquainted seat and sat down.

2:05 PM rolls around and there’s Derek, casually strolling in. He sees me and heads toward my direction.

“Yo!”

“What?”

“Can you read?”

“Are you asking in general? If so, you know -”

“It said 2 PM sharp.”

“Is anyone else here?”

“Yeah, some hot yoga people and some ballers.”

“When you say hot, how hot?...”

“C’mon!” I interrupt, frustrated.

“Relax man, let me use the restroom and we will figure this out.”

I checked my phone at 2:30 PM. I look up and see the activity board and Men’s Locker room sign in front of me. That’s strange, I don’t remember Derek walking toward the locker room. I turn around and see a blank wall. Where the hell did he go?

I start to look at my phone and immediately stuff it into my pocket. Frustrated, I hear footsteps. “Hey bro, where the hell did you…?”

A hand with a white glove interrupts me, touching my shoulder.

“Do not turn around, look ahead.”

I stay still. That voice sounds familiar.It felt as if time was standing as still as I was. I feel a chill, and I start shaking.

“Don’t be nervous.”

For some reason, their words calmed me. I take a deep breath and hear footsteps coming around. I prepare myself.

It’s Sheila, smiling. “Got you! Pretty cool huh?” She yells, silently clapping.

“You should’ve seen your face!” Derek yelled walking around the activity director’s desk. “You remember my sister, Sally.”

That’s right, Sally! My brain connected the dots, “Hey Seashell.” I yell, remembering her nickname.

“It’s good to see you again.” She says passive-aggressively.

Sheila looks at me confused as I shake my head to move things along.

“But why?”

“Your over-analyzing is overwhelming. So we wanted to get you back.”

“We all did!” Sally yells.

“How about we give them some space,” Derek says, escorting his sister outside.

I nod, thanking Derek, and return my attention to Sheila. “So you did all this? The acting classes and everything?”

Sheila pulls up a chair and sits facing me. “No. The director called and had to reschedule the audition, I didn’t tell you. I wanted to do something funny before doing something serious.”

She takes out an envelope and hands it to me. I opened it. Tears couldn’t fall fast enough. I look up and see her doing the same. She starts laughing. “Tell me you didn’t see that coming!”

I chuckle, "No, I didn't see that one coming." I stand, hugging her.

She got me.

July 25, 2024 17:02

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