The Moment I Knew

I sat at the typewriter looking solemn and gloomy, or so I thought I was looking this way even though I didn't have a mirror to verify this.

I was lost in thought, deep in thoughts of all the many ways the world was in the state it had become, when I heard a noise that drew me to the window.

I tried to see what I was so interested in it, but it was as though I was no longer able to see or think as the same noise was louder this time.

I scratched my head trying to draw a mental picture and nothing came to me. I was worried that I would never know what was so obvious and so clear, like it was in the same room and standing right before me.

I walked back towards the desk to continue on my typewriter and working on some amazing story that may make the front pages of our local newspaper, if I was that lucky.

I let my thoughts drift off for a second, just for a second and was wondering how I went from a big city news editor to this small room in a boarding house, only being a no name of this no name newspaper. I wanted to be somebody once more but that seemed further in the distance than it was back then.

I now looked at the blank pages and was terribly upset at the possibility of not knowing what to write or put to paper so that everyone would know what was happening. The gossip mill was churning a mile a minute tonight.

Seems the town of Landford Missouri was all out for the celebration to show their own respect for all those who had gone off to fight in all the many wars through the years. It had more walls and statues littering parts of the town from one end to the other.

It gave me the chills and made me feel eerie about how they paid more attention to the dead than they did to the living. It was a sense of pride and yet it was making me feel uncomfortable equally.

Now you may wonder how I arrived at this place and at this time where I was placed in charge of all the things that may or may not matter to the townsfolk. I am not certain how I made it here myself. To my best recollection I will proceed to share with you what is part of the amnesia clouding my brain.

I am lost at some moments and am clearer at others. I get a twinge in my arm like someone is pinching me, or a long-awaited heart attack has finally arrived to usher me to the great beyond.

Either way it's these things that cause me to pause and try to help me find the one thing I have lost for around twenty-six or thirty years now. I am sure I was never called by this name that has been given to me, nor was I ever meant to be here in this place as the townsfolk have led me to believe it was my destiny.

I lean into my typewriter and start to punch the keys quickly, typing out the letters to form the words. I want to be sure that if this is just a bad dream and I am only here in memory, then when I wake up, I will be back home, wherever that may be from before now.

I type out from memory, the long-lost memories that come to me in bits and pieces. The memories of someone who is waiting for me to return, for a love that is there but more a muffled sound calling out my name loud and clear.

The feeling that I was meant to be somewhere else and that dreams are never meant to be this vivid or this real as they are right now. I am about to get wrapped up in the sound of clicking and the typewriter springing to life, and then I must bring myself back down to earth.

I get so ahead of my typing, so ahead of my thoughts, so ahead of the moment when a knock is heard at the door. I stand up, hesitant to answer, when the door is flung open. Two large men are there, one on each side, grabbing at my arms and raising me to rush me out.

The one on my left holding a gun in his free hand, says, "Looks like you are the next one on the list of people to be executed." "How does that make you feel?"

The one on my right is got a sneer across his lips and says, "Yeah seems your time is up, and the end is finally here for you." "What you think of that?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" It makes no sense to me how I am feeling or thinking at that very moment. We all hurry to the place they were meant to drop me off at, and a large burly man stands before me now. I am scared that he will kick me again and bruise my ego once more.

The man says, "You are here and so are we." "You are here held without cause or reason." "You will be here until I feel that you have served your time and then maybe I will allow your release." "It is in your best interest to cooperate with me, or I will become very angry." "Then you will see real the consequences of your actions being punished." "Do you understand this?"

I shakily nod and the same two men, grab me up and then proceed to return me to my room. I am not sure why this happened as it has been happening for the last month or so. It is like there is a crossing of timelines and time and history.

I am back at the typewriter, where I wake up after dozing off. I am all but wondering why this keeps taking place. The moments of uncertainty and the moments of blacking out. I reach to pour myself a glass of alcohol, which is less plentiful than cigarettes.

Seems I am caught between the pages of history, where all the biggest moments are laid out for me like a red carpet, then I become a part of them as though I was there in person.

I want to believe that this is still only a dream. I remember I used to be a storyteller at the library. I met my wife there, while I was volunteering, and we became remarkably close.

As one who had been fascinated with history and all the many stories passed down through the years, I was able to share with others who had an interest and then begin to share that with the local children at Storytime. I smiled as my mind began to refocus on what the thing or things I had thought were lost.

I looked towards the open window, saw a figure run past it, holding something in their hands and then another knock on my door.

As I was approaching the door to answer it, I was pushed backwards and landed on the floor with two bullets in my chest. The room went dark and so did all those memories and all the many things I wanted to share before this would ever happen.