Healing Cuts

I read her chart several times. Nine years old is too young to have cancerous tumors growing in your brain. I guess there’s no age that it’s good, but bad things shouldn’t happen to children. I waited until three in the morning, the perfect time. Her parents were passed out uncomfortably in their chairs. My one coworker was probably dozing in and out at the desk waiting for the shift to end. Then there was me trying to mentally prepare myself for the pain to come.

I had no problem making the trade, but I didn’t want to make any noise when it happened. I gently placed my hand on her forehead; I didn’t want her to wake. Her skin lit up like my hand was a flashlight on her head. My body broke out in a sweat, it was taking longer than normal, but finally the light went out. I braced for the pain, but none came. Something didn’t seem right so I quietly exited the room.

As soon as I closed the door it happened. My right forearm fileted open from my wrist up to the elbow all the way to the muscle. I fell to my knees trying not to scream out. I didn’t want anyone to know; I couldn’t let anyone know. But she saw and was already at my side with a towel in hand.

She wrapped my arm tight while I tried to reign in any outburst that was trying to escape my lips.  I finally let out a long slow breath once the climax had passed. She pulled back the towel to assess how bad I was bleeding, but it wasn’t much. Never is.

“It looks like you were cut open with something hot enough to cauterize the skin,” she said looking puzzled.

“Yeah,” I said getting to my feet. “Probably a good thing or I’d have a mess to clean up on the floor.”

She wouldn’t let go of my hand, “You need to go down to the ER and get them to sew this up.”

I shook my head, “I got bandages in my bag.  I’ll be alright.”

I tried to pull out of her grip, but she wasn’t having it. “Bandages aren’t going to cut it. This needs something better than tape or glue.”

I took in a deep breath trying to come up with a good way to say it. “Lexi we’ve worked together for a while now. I haven’t asked you for anything before. Do you think there’s any way you can keep this between us or pretend you never saw any of it?”

She looked up to my eyes, “Is it because you’re afraid they’ll drug test you?”

I laughed quietly trying to make my way towards my bag. “I can assure you that has never, and will never be a problem for me.  I just don’t want anyone else knowing I got injured. Questions start when people find out, and I don’t like a lot of questions.”

She finally let go of me enough that I was able to grab my bag, and set down at the desk. I keep a sewing kit with curved needles and rubbing alcohol just in case these wounds are too big for bandages. I laid the towel under my arm in case it started to bleed during, and looked around to make sure no one was walking the halls.

“How do you plan to numb it,” Lexi asked.

I shook my head pouring alcohol over the wound, “I don’t.”

I reached for a needle but she took my kit, “I’ll do it or you’ll be here forever trying one handed and get caught.”

She slid on a pair of gloves looking me in the eyes, “But if I’m keeping your secret I want some answers.”

I started feeling antsy. I don’t like questions, especially about me. “I already have a theory,” she said lacing thread into a needle. I’ve been keeping track of the miracles that seem to happen around here. In the last three years four kids have had miraculous turnarounds. Two kids had leukemia that suddenly didn’t before they started treatment. One kid was shot in the chest and the bullet tore through his heart but was able to walk out of the hospital the next day. And let us not forget the four year old that got backed over by a lawn mower. Her legs were mutilated beyond repair. They were going to amputate both the next day but somehow when the sun rose not even a scratch could be found.”

She started running the needle through my skin, “Strange things happen all over the place.”

She nodded, “They do, but correct me if I’m wrong.  Weren’t you an ER nurse during those last two?”

I could feel my skin getting warm, “I think so, but they weren’t my patients.”

Somehow she was managing to stitch and keep eye contact which made me even more nervous. “No because if they were it would’ve been much easier for someone to piece all of this together.”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence that I felt I needed to break. “Piece what together? That I’m nearby when amazing things happen?”

She eyeballed me for a moment like she was trying to read my mind. “What are you?”

“What,” I said faking a smile. “I’m a male nurse. I’m not a very good one, but I do alright.”

“That little girl was diagnosed with inoperable brain tumors,” she said shaking her head. “She probably won’t see high school, but I’m guessing the next scan they do will show they’ve suddenly vanished.”

“Boy wouldn’t that be something,” I said forcing another smile.

She stopped and looked at me hard, “How are you going to explain it now that this one was your patient. Your name is on her charts now.”

I nodded, “If anyone asks I’ll tell them I prayed with the family. There’s a lot of power in prayer, trust me.”

“Ha,” she said pointing the needle at my face. “So you admit it then. You healed her and this is your penance. Are you an angel?”

My guts started to hurt, but the cat was out. “Do you think an angel would get wounded from healing a little girl?”

She thought about it for a minute and shook her head, “So you’re like a superhero or something?”

She went back to stitching, “I’m Tyler the RN.”

“You can heal people,” she said under her breath.

I looked around, but didn’t see anyone. “You can’t prove it.”

She looked insulted. “I’m not going to tell anyone. But I am stitching you up so the least you could do is tell me the story.”

I didn’t want to, but maybe I should. It might be good not to carry it all around alone. Apparently she’d been investigating me for some time anyway. It may be better for her to know the truth instead of whatever her imagination comes up with.

“Alright,” I said leaning back in my seat. “A few years ago, right after I graduated from nursing school, my grandmother who adopted me fell ill. Cancer had taken over pretty much every part of her body. The doctors said there wasn’t any reason to start any treatment. They prescribed pain medication to keep her comfortable in her last days. It just seemed to come out of nowhere. We were eating dinner to celebrate my graduation and she collapsed. That’s how we found out.”

I took a minute as the emotions came flooding back. I drew a long deep breath and continued. “A couple days later a bunch of her friends and family were rotating in and out to visit so I took a break, and went for a walk praying for help as I went. I ended up at a burger place and sat down for dinner. I had finished eating and was just sipping on my milkshake when I noticed a man standing at the edge of my table. He asked if he could sit and I didn’t care at that point. I figured he was going to ask for money or donations, but he just started talking about my problem. He told me everything that was wrong with my grandmother like he was reading her chart. Said he heard my prayers, and had come.”

Lexi looked back up, “He said he was an angel?”

It sounded dumb when she said it out loud. “I asked him that very question and without blinking said yes. I believed him too.  I could feel his power engulfing the area. He asked what I desired above all else. Right then I only wanted one thing, to save my grandmother and he knew it. He asked what I’d be willing to give to heal her. That was the keyword, heal. I was too emotional to catch it then. I told him I’d do just about anything, I’d trade places with her if I could.”

Lexi was at the middle trying to pull the skin tighter, “What’d he say?”

I smiled, “He laughed. He said there wasn’t any fun in it for him for us to switch places.”

“Angels wouldn’t laugh at that,” she said looking up.

“One would,” I said readjusting in my seat.

She thought about it for a few seconds, “Oh.”

I nodded, “Yup. He smiled real big when I figured it out. Even with the power I was feeling I didn’t really believe him, but I was emotional. So I asked him if he wanted my soul in return, but he shook his head. He said he would give me the ability to heal people, anyone I wanted, but there was catch. Every time I healed someone I would get a cut to my body. The bigger the heal, the bigger the cut. Seemed fair to me, but then he asked if I ever heard about the death of a thousand cuts. I nodded and asked, so I can heal up to a thousand people, and then I’ll lose the gift? His smile got even bigger. Always pay attention to those keywords.”

She finished the last and cut the thread. I poured more alcohol over the entire wound and she started prepping the bandage. “That deal seemed too good to be true.”

I lowered my head, “Aren’t they always. Never make a deal when you’re emotional. All I could think about was saving the woman that raised me when no one else would. He stretched his hand out across the table, and asked if we had a deal. I couldn’t shake his hand fast enough. As soon as our hands closed I could hear my palm sizzle. I jerked back, but it was too late.”

I flipped open my hand for her to look at. “What is that…a snake?”

“Keep in mind even with the mark of the serpent burned into my palm I still didn’t believe him. I sat there staring down at it, but he broke the silence. Don’t you have someone to heal he asked. As I rose to my feet his eyes went black, and I felt paralyzed. His words reverberated inside my body, Chose Wisely. The world seemed to be spinning until I fell to my butt. The waitress helped me to my feet asking if I stood too quickly. I looked around, but he wasn’t there anymore. I figured I must’ve fallen asleep and dreamed it until I looked at my hand.”

She finished taping the gauze, “What did you do run to the nearest church?”

“Didn’t even make the list,” I said packing away my supplies. “I ran straight home, and waited for everyone to leave. She was already asleep so I placed my hand on her forehead hoping it would work. Her entire body glowed like she was lying on a table full of lights. After a few seconds the light vanished, and I hit the ground with a searing pain on my back.”

“But it worked,” Lexi asked.

“Yeah it worked,” I sighed. “The next day she felt great and I tried hiding my new painful wound that I couldn’t reach to close up. The doctors ran new scans and couldn’t believe how everything had cleared up. We were on our way home when we were hit by a drunk driver. The impact knocked me out. When I woke I was in an ambulance and they told me she didn’t make it. If I had remained conscious I could’ve saved her.”

Lexi’s mouth dropped open, “That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”

“Those keywords,” I reminded her. “He said I could heal her, and I did. I guess another way of looking at it is I got a few good days with her and now I can help others.”

“What did you do afterwards,” she asked softly.

I shrugged, “At first I didn’t do anything. It felt like a bad dream, but eventually I tried again and it worked. But I didn’t use my head. I started off healing every little thing. I only got a paper cut and it helped people, but they would’ve been fine after a few days without me anyway. People started putting it together like you so I had to move.”

She pulled off her gloves, “How many have you healed?”

I shook my head, “Lost count and I can’t ask someone to count the scars on my body without them asking where they came from.”

“Can I see,” she asked.

I stood and raised my shirt to show her my back. I heard her draw breath as she ran her fingers over the scars. “This is a roadmap to pain. How can you take all of this?”

I lowered my shirt and sat back down. “One cut at a time.”

Her hands were shaking, “You’re running out of room for more cuts. What happens then you lose the power?”

I smiled, “I don’t think that’s the fairy tale ending I’m heading towards.”

Her eyes went wide, “I just had a terrifying thought.”

I leaned back, “I’m sure it’s no different than the ones I’ve had over the years.”

She grabbed my hand and looked at my brand, “How do you know you’re not marking these kids for him?”

I clenched my fist tight, “I don’t.”