She

I heard muffled noises from above, I had my eyes closed with my arms and legs steady. I had no idea how long was I holding my breath but I knew I loved the pressure of the water on my body. It felt like I was just suspended, no land under my feet, just me floating. 

But of course, like any other moment in our lives, it has to end. I emerged from the water breathing in the fresh air and pushing my hair back. I swam back to the shore and I felt the warm sand on my feet. It was soft and it made me want to collapse on it. Sadly, I had planned a productive day today, I had no time to slack off. 

I rubbed my damp hair with my towel, my phone chimed in the process. A new episode of the podcast that she loves was just posted. A small smile played on my lips, thinking how much she would enjoy this. 

I walked around the street, checking each stall by the pier. Canvasing the souvenirs I might buy. I came across this sweet lady, she had a small briefcase open and propped up on a silver stool. Different colors of beaded and braided jewelry were brandished. One particular bracelet caught my eye, a thin pink thread was braided with a white one. Together they formed a dainty accessory. 

I remembered how much she loves simple things like this, she was always adamant about the smallest details that could mean so much bigger than what meets the eye. I bought it with a smile. 

I sat on one of the hammocks by the beach, I had my Ebook on my lap. I was reading this novel about this girl thrust into a world of the unknown. Lost and confused. But slowly she got hang of it. Reminded me of her, the experiences and struggles she went through in the past, and how she overcame them. She’d love this. 

I walked around the tables, looking for appetizing food to fill myself up in the buffet. The sun has started to set, orange purple hue filled the sky. I admired my beach view once I reached my table. Again, I was reminded of her, normally she would have stayed inside the hotel room, blanketed by the familiar and comforting four walls. But I know she would push herself out the door and go downstairs at the buffet and mingle. 

I stayed my attention back on the scenery before me. How much she would love to feel the cool breeze, with the sun going down she would have grabbed the camera and take a photo that she would keep forever. 

She loved the simple things in life, the smallest details, she appreciated everything raw and real. She never asked for more once these were given she was always contented and happy to just sit by the beach and read a book she was dying to read. If only she noticed these little things before if only she knew how great of a person she is that she did not need to compare herself for she was different in her own way. She did not need to be someone else, she didn’t need to pretend in front of other people. She never needed the facade she created. The mask she puts on. 

I felt the soft sand under my feet, my flip flops hanging loosely between my fingers as the wind blew my hair out of my face, the sun had already said its goodbye, and the moon had greeted the sky. 

Small stars dotted the dark black canvas with a few fluffy gray-looking clouds. The sea had calmed down and mirrored the vast sky, a few ripples here and there slapping ever so lightly against the shore. I flopped down on a spot not too far from the edge, I hugged my knees against my chest and leaned my head back then closed my eyes. 

I worried about her before I went on this trip, I worried that she would feel lost, that she wouldn’t get better like she promised she would. That she wouldn’t learn and still lean on everyone but herself.

But surprisingly, I knew she did well. Slowly she found her path, navigating through the woods without any compass, without any blankets nor a flashlight. She learned to survive on her own, she learned to weave through thick leaves, through the thick fog by following her heart and mind. Using what her surroundings could offer. 

I had struggled back home, losing myself in the process, I was easily swept up by the waves helplessly fighting against the current. I put on a wall that what others have known, a wall that was put down immediately then someone else would be behind. A costume I chose to show.

 After taking the time to go to this foreign land, to walk around without a guide, just me and my phone. I slowly picked up pieces of me here and there. Slowly the cobbled pathway became clearer and precise, I knew where I had to go.

I know when I get home, I would be able to stand on my ground, keeping my foot planted firm. I would be stronger, fiercer, and definitely ready at whatever life throws at me. Because that’s who I am, that’s who she is. A woman. 

I fluttered my eyelids slowly and gazed up the sky as the stars winked at me one by one. 

“I found it” I whispered to myself

“I found what I was looking for and now I thank you for helping me to do so” 

The wind kissed my cheek in response, the water had reached my toes, the moon shone brighter than before, and the stars. Oh, the stars multiplied when the clouds moved. Suddenly the sky was brighter than before. Telling me the clouded storm on my head had ended, and been replaced by a bright and clear sky. 

She’s ready, she’s fine, she is me.