Gorgeous

What makes a person gorgeous?, their beauty?, their intellect?, or both?, what if a person has neither of it?, can they ever hope to become gorgeous?, or they have to live in misery?

These questions plagued Natalia's mind, every waking hour, every night, no matter how much she tried she couldn't rid her mind of it, would Aaron have divorced her if she was gorgeous just like Melisa?

She didn't have an answer to that question and that's what bothered her more, when Aaron told her he was in love with someone else, she was hearbroken and shattered but a part of her was also curious, a certain curiosity filled her, she wanted to know who was this other woman and was she better than her?

If she had any doubts, they all vanished away once she saw Melisa, although it made her feel awful to admit but there was no denying it that Melisa was much better looking than her and she assumed she was even more intelligent than her because she was in a better paying job.

It had been a year since their divorce, being alone in the house made her feel the stark emptiness more everyday, she felt she had been cast aside like a disposable object but knew all too well she couldn't complain because she wasn't as gorgeous as Melisa.

Melisa had gripped her mind like a parasite and she refused to leave, she was in everything, reminding her of her inferiority, she found it hard to look at the magazines or the advertisements on TV, because the beauty of the models were a constant reminder of Melisa.

If she didn't find a way to cope with her thoughts, she knew she would go mad with stress soon, it had already claimed her self-esteem and sleep, only her sanity was the thing that was left yet. She searched for a diary online and ordered it, it didn't have to be fancy but just good enough to put her thoughts in it, more than her thoughts, she knew it would be filled with her hatred of Melisa.

"Melisa, thats the woman that is on my mind constantly, I can't get rid of her, I try not to think about her but she is stuck in my mind, it's like she is taunting me everytime I think of her, a constant reminder that I am not gorgeous."

Writing that made her feel a sense of calm that she hadn't felt since a long time, maybe this little ritual she had thought of to cope with her feelings was working out.

"I want to be as gorgeous as Melisa, I feel really bad that I am not as gorgeous as her, why can't I be as gorgeous?, is it a crime to not be gorgeous?, I feel what Aaron did was wrong but the only one to blame for whatever happend is that Melisa!"

Seeing that word blame made her realise how much she hated Melisa, she had destroyed her peaceful life, if only Aaron hadn't met her they would still be living together happily.

"I wish I could kill Melisa, that's a strong feeling to have but wanting to kill someone is different from actually killing them, at one point of time we all have a desire to kill those we hate, is that so bad?, even if it is bad it is the only way we can cope with our feelings."

Her feelings were stronger than she had thought earlier, writing them made her realise the intensity of it, she was afraid she was falling into a dark endless pit and maybe documenting her feelings wasn't a good idea after all, but that was her only way to cope so she continued to write.

That night her mind was filled with all the memories she wished to forget, her life had taken a turn for the worse since Aaron had started seeing Melisa, he was smitten by her, and no matter how hard she tried to gain his attention again, nothing worked. She brought all sorts of expensive things, they tore a hole in her pocket but she was too emotional to see the financial cost of it.

Expensive makeup, fashionable dresses and designer jewellery were her hope to become as gorgeous as Melisa, even if she wasn't gorgeous, there was nothing stopping her from achieving it, but she would realise later that she might become gorgeous but she could never be as gorgeous as Melisa, thats what Aaron told her when he saw her makeover.

"I wish I could stab her and cut her up into pieces, she wouldn't be beautiful then, then Aaron would come back to me surely, the only hindrance in the path is Melisa, as long as she is there Aaron can never see how good I am."

She read it again and again, it had been the truth she had buried deep within herself, that the only thing keeping her from Aaron was Melisa.

"I think of all the ways I can get rid of her, all the ways I can kill her but something in me falters whenever I think about murder, if I don't do it in a planned way, I might end up in jail and will never see Aaron again."

She thought hard about it and decided that she missed Aaron a lot and wanted that sense of completeness that she felt with him, she couldn't imagine anyone else in his place. She brought a meat knife, she made up her mind to stab Melisa to death.

To her surprise when she rang the bell, it was Aaron who opened the door, she learned that Melisa wasn't home, she felt a sense of

despair, she had turned up to their house like a fool and didn't know what to say, she knew she couldn't stay further and turned to leave but Aaron asked her to come inside.

She had hoped he would say he missed her and wanted to get back with her but all he said was that she should move on like he had moved on with his life and stop bothering Melisa.

Those words stung her, she felt a deep pain that she couldn't explain in words, she wanted to cry but felt too ashamed to show him her tears, without saying a word she got up to leave but the intense anger she felt would not subside. Maybe she should have blamed Aaron in the first place for all this, if it hadn't been Melisa it would be someone else, the least he could do was to apologize for hurting her but she started to realise he wasn't a person who considered others feelings.

She hastily took the knife from her purse and stabbed Aaron in the stomach before he could react, he screamed and fell on the floor, she kept stabbing him, her anger not letting her stop, when she was finally done, she looked down at him, his eyes were wide open in shock and his shirt was soaked in blood but the blood won't stop coming. He hadn't expected her to kill him, and the shock of it had gotten to him. She smiled, that little ritual she had developed helped her cope a little too well.