A Battle Within

Push it, a voice said.

He wanted to, desperately, but he could not.

Push it, the voice repeated.

He walked away from the button, he could not let himself be tempted.

PUSH IT! The voice now roared through his head and he leapt for the button out of pure reflex, but stopped himself in the air making him tumble awkwardly to the ground.

He ran to the corner of the room and sat down sobbing.

Please get me out of here, he thought, not daring to say it out loud.

You will never get out here, the voice told him and he crammed himself further into the corner hiding his head between his knees.

He knew the voice was right, he would never leave this place.

Not that he was trapped. All he needed to do was push the button and he would be free to go, but he would never do it, he would never give in.

You know you are weak, the voice said and it was right, he had been weak for a long time now. Ever since the day he had abandoned her,something inside him had weighed him down, guilt? Regret? Anger? He could not say which one it was, maybe all of them, but since that day he had not been the same.

That is not how it happened was it? the voice reminded him and again it was right, she had been the one who left him, not the other way around, he remembered now, how could he have forgot? Their last kiss, the last touch of her hand before she told him goodbye, a tear fell down his cheek.

He could not think about that now, this was his chance to redeem himself to prove himself strong.

Push the button! The voice yelled at him again and he screamed.

***

“What is the status?” Dr. Green asked him as he walked into the observation room.

“The subject is still behaving as anticipated, this new strain looks promising,” he answered.

Dr. Green smirked “The board will be most pleased to hear this. Hopefully we can get it approved within the month.”

“Should I proceed to phase 3?” He asked Dr. Green, the doctor peeked into the testing room.

“Just make sure not to overstimulate him, then we will have to restart clinical trials, we cannot afford that.”

“So… should I?” He had still not gotten an answer.

“I trust in your judgment.” The doctor said before he left the room. 

He sighed as the door closed, his two predecessors in this position, had been responsible for the earlier trials, they had both been sacked when the subject had committed suicide and it happened during phase 3. 

He had no doubt, he would be next if this was to repeat. Dr. Green only needed him as a scapegoat, to take the fall for his own failures.

The drug had all been Green’s vision and so had the trials, but he would never admit it if you asked him, not until it eventually got approved, then he would revel in glory and he himself would be forgotten as an expendable lab assistant.

He might get a raise though, to keep him from complaining if nothing else, and the promise of that was the only thing that had kept him going. 

He needed the money desperately, medical school had not been cheap and this had been his first opportunity for years, he could not turn it down.

Why no one had applied for the position was not hard to deduct, his medical career would have a gross stain all over it, if this failed. No one would ever hire a laboratory assistant, whose test subject had committed suicide, while in his care, if he was not successful, he would have to find another way of living.

One of the earlier employees had tried to sue Dr. Green, but it had been to no avail, the case had been strong, but it had suddenly been dropped with no warning as if some guardian angel had looked over the doctor. 

Most likely that guardian angel was green with the face of a president and stuffed firmly in the judge’s pocket.

No, that was not an option either, he would have to find another career path, he had always wanted to become an actor, maybe he could try out for a play when this was all done. 

He shook his head, he had to focus.

He turned on the speaker relay.

“Reid?” A pair of horror-stricken eyes flickered around the room in bewilderment.

“It is only me, James, I am just here to tell you that you are doing well.” The mans breath slowed and tiny smile drew it self along those pale lips.

“We only need to go through one more test, then we are done and you can leave,” he paused to let that sink in “Do you think you can handle that?” He then asked.

Reid nodded with a surprising determination, maybe he could actually be the one to make it all the way through.

“That’s great to hear, you will get a small break and then we will commence the trial.” Reid sat down on the singular chair in the room, they had removed all unnecessary items after the first suicide, but the second test subject had gotten creative and somehow managed to break the lamp in the roof and cut herself with the glass, so they had had to remove that as well. Now only the chair and the button remained and still he somehow feared, he would find some way to do it.

He readied the last dosage of the trial drug and an equivalent amount of the new strain and started the timer, soon he would know whether he had a job tomorrow or not.

***

At first it was only small glimpses, her smile, her eyes, her voice, he knew it wasn’t real. But as she started appearing before him walking around the room, he started to doubt whether she was real or not.

When she spoke to him, there was no doubt in his mind, this was her, she was here with him. “Long time no see,” she said with her usual warm smile.

“I have missed you so much,” he rose and walked forward to embrace her, but as he approached she faded away and only the button stood before him.

“Push the button my love,” her silk smooth voice commanded him.

He turned around to see her standing behind him.

“I can’t…” he answered desperately.

She walked closer and graced his arm with her warm skin.

“If you push it, we can be together again.” She bit her lip.

He wanted nothing more than that, he walked up to the button, so shiny and red, it was begging for him to hit it, to press that glossy surface down.

“I can’t,” was all he said, but on the inside he was tearing up.

He turned away from her and huddled over in the corner staring into the gray void that was the wall.

Push it! Her voice sounded different now, mesmerizing in a way he couldn’t explain, all the softness gone away, only a blank metallic tone remained.

He turned back to see a nightmare so vile, it left him speechless.

Its legs were made of black worms intermingling between each other in a clutter slime and sot.

Its arm were the same, only each of its five fingers were a worm double the size of the others.

Its was hard to say where the legs ended and the arms began, they were all muddled as if someone had thrown it all together randomly and the movement of the worms made its body a constantly changing entity.

The most terrifying part about the nightmare was its face, if you could call it that. 

It’s head was no more than a slurred shadow whirling around in green and black shades. 

It had no eyes, but it still peered deep into his soul, it had no mouth, but still it swallowed him up whole.

Push the button it said and this time he could not resist, he stepped up before the small pedestal to which the button was mounted and he pressed it hard and long, all the while staring into the abyss that was the monster face.

Nothing happened.

Time stood still for a second, but then he pressed it again.

Still nothing happened.

He started clicking it frantically, desperate for something to happen, but it was to no avail.

The monster had crept closer without him even noticing and now it towered up beside him peering down with it’s chilling eyeless gaze.

Break the glass, it commanded him.

He should not do that, it wasn’t a part of the trial, he knew that, but it was as if he was not in control anymore, so he picked up the chair and starting hammering it against the darkened window.

***

He could not believe his own eyes, none of them had pushed the button yet, the others had chosen suicide before doing so.

Now they would have to start over their research, Dr. Green would be furious.

He might not even fire him, no his fate would be far worse, he would have to stay overtime for months out synthesizing new strains.

Maybe he should not report it, Dr. Green would never know, he could bribe the security assistant to erase the tapes.

Reid was thrusting the chair against the window with such a force it bounced back at him knocking him to the ground each time.

It was time to sedate him, they could try again tomorrow no one would have to know what happened today.

He released a new drug into the room. In less than a minute Reid would fast asleep, not even an explosion in the room next to him could wake him up, the sleeping drug had passed it’s trials that was for sure.

The knocking went on for half a minute and then it stopped, right on time.

He was about to leave the room as he heard it, Thump, Reid was on his feet once more Thump, Thump, Thump. This time he pounded on the window with even more ferocity, something was wrong, the drug could knock out an elephant.

This time he called for Dr. Green on the emergency panel and not long after he swept in through the door.

“What happened?” The doctor asked as he approached the control panel.

“Reid… he pushed the button,” he said. The doctor caught his eye with a thoughtful gaze.

“I tried sedating him… but he won’t stop,” he pointed at Reid, who now wore wild eyes and a wide open mouth with foam around his lips.

The doctor turned some buttons and asked him “You sure you administered the drug correct…”

In that moment the glass shattered, a shard slashed his forearm and another his chin, but Dr. Green was knocked to the floor with cuts all over his body.

Shortly after Reid leapt into the observation room assaulting the doctor. 

His nails were like claws and his teeth fangs and he tore and bit the him in a feral rage, so savage it painted the room red.

Dr. Green struggled for a while, but was held down in an iron grip and soon the doctor laid still, if he was dead or had only accepted his fate he could not say.

All he could think was, run, and he did.

He slammed the door behind and ran through the office gaining a lot of worried looks from the office workers on the way.

Soon he heard the door being ripped open behind him and then the screams.

He did not look back.