The Secret Heartbreak

“Mom! is the lasagna ready?”

 Saito asked in a shuttered confusing voice. He was very quick that evening making the arrangements. Self-cheering words fled from his mouth as birds in the open air. Moving upstairs to his room, he stood by the stairs at the corner from where he could have proper surveillance of the dining room so, he turned his eyes from one end to the other couple of times. Dim lights, the table was set as perfect as if it was just waiting for a newlywed queen to have her first and finest meal, the flowers on the table was as fresh as daisy, the curtains were neatly made, his mom was in the kitchen preparing some of her best dishes. Everything seems as perfect as it could be but Saito’s agitation was over him as he could not just let anything ruin the moment where he would be finally asking the girl he always loved.

He took big steps to his room skipping the stairs but suddenly stopped by the mirror on the corner of his room that just made a creaking noise may be due to a nail loosen down or maybe something else, something caught him at that moment, he quietly approached towards the mirror, stood the closest he could and deeply look at his reflection, took a deep breath and said to himself,

“You got it Sai, you can do it, nothing could go wrong now!”

It took a moment for him to come back to his senses where he realized that he was holding the mirror too tight. He looked at the big wall clock, it was still an hour for her to come.

From the beginning of his teenage, Saito couldn’t resist his love for Murph, who lives in the same town and was the daughter of his father’s best friend. Murph had been an eye-catcher from the very beginning, she was generous, beautiful, smart, but a bit of a befuddled kind of person. Moreover, she was unaware of what Saito feels about her, never did Saito never told her about it, he thought it would eventually cost him his friendship. Now Saito was 25 and he thought that if he could not do it now, he could never do it. So, he planned the dinner where he had further decided to propose to her to marry him. She was about to arrive at 8 so he put on his best suit, made his hair neatly, had a glimpse at the ring, and put that deep in his pocket.

“Murph Co., Murph, Murre, will you mur… gosh!!!! Murph Cooper, will you marry me?”

He practiced it about a hundred times. He came down from the stairs where his mom was waiting for him. When she saw her, her eyes drop a tear-filled with joy and proud which she quickly whips off and just corrected his bow and take his leave to his aunt's house bidding him with a heap of luck.

He makes himself seated on the couch that faced the television set and was the best place to have a look at the window and door at the same time.

At that moment when the moment was near and the next moment, either he could win all of the world’s happiness or all his dreams could shatter in front of him, the clock slowed down for him and he could feel a hollow void of fear in his belly. The ticking of the clock was scratching his soul from inside. It was already half an hour past and there were no signs of Murph yet. Deep down in his heart, he was fighting a battle with himself but maybe that battle was not meant for him to win. Now it was about an hour late and he had already lost his hopes.

‘Pain demands to be felt, right?’

Yes, he was feeling it. The next moment, he could hear huge steps approaching towards the front door and there stood Murph. For a moment he thought that his dying self-had a glimpse of the sun but to his darkest nightmare, she wasn’t alone. Beside her, stood a blonde, fair masculine Tom, who was about ahead tall from her.

Tom was Murph’s family friend’s son. Murph’s father chose the boy for Murph to marry and both families were on the decision that day that they would love to be in-laws and Murph was very happy with all this. The moment she looked at the excellently made table, she became red with embarrassment as she had completely forgotten about the dinner to which Saito had invited her a few days back.

“I am sorry Sai, all this hurry made me forget about the dinner but see, (showing her engagement ring) we (Murph and Tom) are engaged, I thought of telling my best news to my best friend, thank you for always being there for me, Sai. Meet you at the wedding though, next Sunday at the uphill Church, sharp 9, don’t be late.”

And just like this, she bid him farewell that only he knew would be the last. During all this one-sided conversation, inside him, Saito had killed himself many times. You know about secret heartbreak, right? The sound of heartbreak is the loudest quiet and that day Saito felt it. He didn’t even care to close the door and with footsteps that were as heavy as, he moves towards the dining table and somehow made himself sit on the chair that took him both hands to hold.

He wanted to cry but tears were stuck in his eyes, he wants to shout but he couldn’t swallow the gulp of fact that he just faced, so he was numb, at the statue state looking at the door with eyes filled with seas of tears. His one hand was on the table while the other hand was deep down the right pocket of his coat where he was tightly holding the Ring, or maybe, his love? And that night nothing in the world holds the power to bring him back from that grief.

Soon she was married, they had kids, he never saw her again. Once he heard from someone that she was divorced, maybe true or maybe not, maybe it was a chance for him maybe it was just gossip, but now he didn’t care. He took his mom to their village away from the town, which now Saito hated more than anything.

Today Saito, 60, unmarried living with his mom is sitting on the same chair, he is holding up a photo in his hand. That photo was from Murph and Tom’s wedding that her mother got from their marriage. He stares at the framed wedding photo in his hand, then at the door for a moment, and then shook himself to get back to his senses, gave a grim smile that was hiding limitless pain. His one hand was holding the frame while the other one was deep into his pocket holding tight the same ring or maybe, his 60-year love?

-      Aayushman Gusain