New Day's Resolutions

1. Spiritual Wellness 

Molly sat cross-legged with a bright-colored magazine in her lap. The waiting room walls were covered with weathered-looking tarot cards and sparkly-gold beads. The air smelled like sweets. Molly was reading a page that said, “Create your own solutions with your New Year’s Resolutions! Structure this year’s 2023 vision board around the eight dimensions of wellness.” The waiting room door creaked open, and a tall woman with dark hair and a small flower tattooed on her collarbone stepped into view. 

“Molly?”

Molly smiled without showing teeth and followed the woman into a small room with a purple carpet. 

“I’ve never been to a psychic before,” Molly said.

“I know. I’ve been sensing your apprehension.”

Molly sat down and tried to arrange her face in an unreadable manner. She didn’t believe in psychics and definitely wasn’t apprehensive. Just curious. Last week she came across the New Year’s resolution article that she had been reading again in the waiting room. Molly had never been one for resolutions, but she was always one for chaos. The article inspired Molly’s upcoming stunt. It was January 1st, and Molly was going to fit all ( or almost all ) of her New Year’s resolutions into one day. But in typical Molly fashion, the resolutions would be extreme. Her aspirations would be centered around the eight dimensions of wellness: emotional/mental, environmental, financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, social, and spiritual. Molly decided to take drastic measures to significantly and unconventionally improve these areas of her life in less than 24 hours. To kick off the day, Molly planned on conquering her spiritual wellness sector. She cared about this area the least and wanted to have fun with it. Hence her decision that Ashley’s Psychic Vision and Tarot Readings would be a great place to visit at a crisp 9 AM that New Year’s Day. 

Ashley didn’t look like a psychic. To be fair, nobody looked like a psychic because nobody is a psychic because psychics don’t exist. Ashley appeared to be in her mid-twenties and looked like someone who might work at a coffee shop called Groovy Grinds or Boho Beans or another name of that nature. A chalkboard on the wall listed the different reading options:

Palm Reading- $30

Tarot Card Reading- $50

Love, Marriage, Past, Present, Future Consultation- $45

Dream Interpretation- $35.

Typically Molly would be more concerned about the high prices of these fraudulent options, but she planned on making all of the money and more back later that day. 

“What are you interested in today?” Ashley asked in a soothing voice.

“I’d like a tarot card reading, please.”

Ashley was already shuffling cards before Molly could finish her sentence. 

“God bless you and watch over us all,” Ashley said in a practiced manner before dolling cards out onto the table. Molly resisted the urge to roll her eyes. 

“So, who’s Ingrid?” Ashley asked.

“I don’t know anyone named Ingrid.”

“Not yet, you mean,” Ashley replied and began the reading. 

2. Social wellness

Molly left the Psychic’s office in an excellent mood. Ashley’s predictions were ridiculous to the point of entertainment. Exactly what Molly had been looking for. Now that the spiritual wellness sector had been attended to, seven more resolutions would come. Many would be drastic and illegal. What fun, Molly thought. Her first step was to send out the invitation to the party she would be having and her apartment. Technically she shared her apartment with Hannah, but she would deal with that later. Molly sent the same message to around 30 people she had known from various circumstances over the years. The text read:

“Hey there _____!

Long time no see. I know I’ve been keeping a low profile for the past few years, but I figured I finally reach out. I miss you! I’m having a get-together at my house tonight with some old friends I haven’t seen in a while. In the spirit of New Year’s Resolutions and for old times' sake, I hope to see you there.

Party starts at 9.

3205 Sycamore road.

P.S.- We’re playing poker; bring cash.”

3. Environmental Wellness

Molly walked into her apartment at 11:06 AM, empty trash bags in hand. She figured she had a few hours before Hannah came home for lunch. That was all she needed. The methodology of her plan was speed before stealth. Even with no evidence, Hannah would know that this was Molly’s doing, so she didn’t see the need to cover her tracks. And if Molly was being honest, she found being wreckless much more fun anyways. Molly opened the door to Hannah’s room and started grabbing items at random, shoving them into trash bags as quickly as possible. Dense novels, posters of celebrities, and more sparkly dresses than Molly cared to count were thrown into the bag. Only thirty minutes had passed, and Molly was making excellent progress. Hannah’s walls had been stripped bare, and her pillows, bedding, and many of her clothes were in the trash. Molly knelt over to tie her third trash bag. When she looked up, Hannah was staring down at Molly with confusion and rage. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Hannah demanded.

“New Year’s Resolutions.” Molly calmly replied while finishing tying the trash bag. 

“What are you doing with my stuff?” the pitch of Hannah’s voice was rising.

“I’m throwing it away.”

“What the fuck?!”

“You heard me,” Molly said and began to walk towards the door. Hannah blocked her exit and attempted to grab the trash bag of her belongings from Molly’s grasp. Molly tightened her grip on the bag and kicked Hannah in the kneecap. Hannah screamed and fell to the ground.

“I would say I’m sorry it had to work out this way… if I respected you at all. But I don’t. So, to be honest, I’m quite happy with how this is working out.” Molly said.

“You.. are.. a …psychopath!!” Hannah screamed between pained breaths.

“Aw, don’t flatter me like that,” Molly laughed while pulling a roll of duck tape out of her pocket.

Molly kicked Hannah again and wrapped duck tape around her wrists, ankles, and mouth before dragging her into the closet. 

“It’s a shame to have just cleaned this out only to put more trash back in so soon. Don’t worry, though, Hannah. It won’t be for long.”

Hannah let out a muffled cry, and Molly shut the closet door. A hostage situation, Molly thought, finally some excitement. 

Molly put a chair in front of the closet door for good measure and continued to throw all of Hannah’s belongings into trash bags. When she finished, Molly looked around the room and sighed with contentment. “Finally, rid of that pest. New Year, New me,” At 1:04 PM, Molly walked out of her apartment, full trash bags in hand. 

4. Emotional/Mental Wellness

Molly strolled down the street, whistling a cheerful tune to herself, and pulled Hannah’s phone from her backpack. She’d taken it in the duck-taping struggle. Molly opened Hannah’s email app. For the fourth New Year’s Resolution, Molly decided to achieve emotional and mental wellness by creating a living nightmare for her arch-nemesis. Or one of her arch nemeses. Top 10 nemeses, for sure. Molly scanned Hannah’s emails for the name Rob Turner, Hannah’s boss. Molly found an email from Rob that said:

Hi Hannah,

Please review the following documents and let me know your thoughts. See you Monday.

Rob

Molly constructed the following email:

Hi Rob,

I started reading the documents you sent, but if I’m being honest, I didn’t finish them because I found them to be boring as hell. Also, while we are on the topic of my thoughts, your haircut is trash, and Laurence from HR is sleeping with your wife. You actually won’t see me on Monday because I quit.

XOXO

Hannah

Molly's lips curled into a smile, and she pressed send.

5. Financial Wellness

Molly wasn’t sure how many of the people she invited would actually make an appearance that night. Throughout the day, she received a few responses, and none of them were positive. Her favorite was, “WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?? YOU RUINED MY LIFE!”. Molly realized she would have to sweeten the deal if she wanted the night to go as planned. At 3:30 PM, Molly texted that there would also be a live performance from a famous artist. Molly was fairly certain that most people would not believe her, but she was banking on the fact that these snoops loved a piece of gossip, so they might end up coming just to see what she had in mind for the night. At 6:00 PM, Molly returned to her apartment to check on the hostage situation and prepare for the party. Hannah was still in the closet, thank god. Molly would deal with her tomorrow. In preparation for the party, Molly checked her stock of drinks. She found a few handles of vodka and gin in Hannah’s section of the pantry and fruit juice in the fridge that she could use as a mixer. Molly thought, good enough; they won’t be awake long enough to want more anyway. Molly set the drinks on the counter, walked into the living room, and sat on the couch. It was lime green and made Molly think of her childhood. The edges of the couch had holes with yellow stuffing poking through. Molly stood up and relocated to a bean bag. 

At 7:30 PM, there was a knock on the door. Molly looked through the peephole to see Xavier looking right at her, wearing an exasperated expression. His hands were in his pockets.

“What took you so long?” Molly asked, motioning for Xavier to enter.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t have enough of this shit just lying around to knock out thirty people!” Xavier said, waving around a brown bag. “What do you plan on doing with this anyways, or do I even want to know?”

“Even if you wanted to know, I wouldn’t tell you,” Molly replied with irritation. “Remember our deal? You bring me what I ask for, no questions asked. You owe me.”

Xavier rolled his eyes and thrust the bag at Molly. “This is the last time,” Xavier said. “We’re even now.” 

“Yeah, whatever. I have more pressing matters at hand right now,” Molly said while pushing him out of the apartment. 

“I hope I never see you again,” said Xavier.

“For your sake, I hope the same,” said Molly, then she shut the door. 

At 7:45 PM, Molly made the punch, one with vodka, one with gin, and both with Rohypnol. Molly had never roofied anyone before, let alone thirty people. Everyone starts somewhere, she said to herself as she mixed the drugs into the punch. Molly set up a table for poker, checked one more time that Hannah was still secured in the closet, and waited for her guests to arrive. 

At 9:30 PM, there was a knock on the door. Molly opened the door to see Alex, Melissa, Sam, and Charley from college. Molly tried to conceal her surprise that these four would be the first to show up. The group hadn’t exactly ended on good terms. 

“Hey guys, come on in,” Molly said. She planned to act like nothing bad had ever happened between them, and if anyone tried to bring up the past, to change the subject. Foolproof.

“Wow, Molly, we haven’t seen you since two summers ago when-”

“Who wants a drink?” Molly cut off Charely and changed the subject. See? Easy, she thought. 

The college group had brought their own drinks, which Molly ended up encouraging them to drink first. She realized that the whole party would need to be there when she started handing out the punch to avoid new guests walking into an obvious crime scene. 

“Where’s Hannah,” Melissa asked, her hand on the doorknob to Hannah’s room.

“Oh, don’t go in there,” Molly said with impressive conviction, “It’s a total mess, and Hannah’s out of town anyways.”

At 10 PM, a continuous stream of people started to arrive. Molly had convinced Sam that a famous artist really would show up in a few hours. Sam spread the news quickly, which sparked the stream of newcomers. For the next hour or so, Molly balanced keeping everyone entertained with poker, turning overly curious guests away from discovering her hostage in the closet, and making sure no one drank the punch until it was time. It was hard work, but Molly was having a blast. Molly locked the front door and began to serve the punch when about twenty-five people were there. Molly watched the crowd begin to gradually slur their words and move more sluggishly. Within 30 minutes, all guests were incapacitated or almost in that state. Everyone was in a state where they could be robbed from. Molly took all the money from the poker table and then moved on to her guest’s purses, bags, and pockets. Most people had listened when Molly said to bring cash for poker. Any articles of clothing that looked expensive or sellable were also fair game. 

6. Physical Wellness

Moments after Molly had secured her guest’s valuables, she ran. Everything could fit into two small backpacks. Molly wore one bag on her front and one on her back as she sprinted down 8th street. She wasn’t one for exercise and figured her great escape would be enough workout to fulfill this year’s resolution. It was 11:30 PM, and it had started to rain. Molly quickened her pace, and the sidewalk became slick. She took a sharp right turn around the back of a breakfast place and collided with her full force into something she could not see. Molly flew onto her back, her fall cushioned by her bag of stolen belongings. Towering above Molly was a woman with purple glasses and braided hair. “Who are you running from?” the woman asked.

“Oh, um, I’m just late,” Molly replied while standing up. When she was on her feet, Molly was a few inches taller than the woman and was surprised that the woman had not fallen over as well. 

“I see,” the woman replied, clearly not buying Molly’s claim. “Regardless of the truth, it seems like you’ve got an interesting story to tell.” The woman reached into her pocket and pulled out a small purple business card. “Take my card” The card read:

INGRID TELLER

Publisher of strange stories.

Everyone has a point of view- I want the weirdest ones.

tellmesomethingidontknow@gmail.com

Molly thought back to what the psychic had said that morning when she said she didn’t know anyone named Ingrid. Not yet, you don’t. 

7. Occupational Wellness

This was a twist I did not see coming. I don’t believe in psychics, but the timing of this coincidence was so uncanny that I had to send my story in. I guess Ingrid liked it. Obviously, my name isn’t Molly, and the other names have been changed as well, but everything else is completely true. I know, it seems hard to believe. The only person who believed me instantly was Ingrid. I couldn’t even believe that I was meeting her when I first read her business card. Crazier things have happened, I suppose. Hannah ended up getting her job back. Something about her psychopath roommate stealing her phone and holding her hostage in her closet stuck a chord with Rob. And apparently, he already knew Laurence was sleeping with his wife.

8. Intellectual Wellness

As for intellectual wellness, I won’t be making any changes in that department. I mean, I haven’t been caught yet, right?