A New Set-up

After two weeks of sitting at home waiting for the company’s work-at-home initiative to start, I got the email stating that work would start on Monday morning. I was finally going to have something to keep me busy and having a paycheck again would be very useful, and I was going to be able to hang out with my girls throughout the workday, so I was very excited for Monday to roll around. I thought that this “work-at-home” thing was going to be so amazing since I was going to have my girls with me at my desk. I enjoyed it for a while but the facade quickly faded. Instead of supervisors breathing down my neck, I had rat breath in my face in addition to sharp little rat feet that pricked and stabbed at my skin while I worked.. After about 30 minutes of constant pestering from them, I knew I would not be able to work with them out of their cage. So, I picked up my girls and placed them back into the cage, promising them that we would play together after I finished. 

No more than five minutes passed before I heard the cage door pop open and the girls rushing out of the cage basically leaping onto my body. As a worker, I was kind of frustrated but as their dad, I was very proud of them for figuring it out. However, the pride in my eyes soon faded after they repeatedly kept opening up the cage door, rushing over to distract. I did everything I could think of to keep this from happening. I placed a blanket over their cage, held the cage door closed with a book, I mean, I even flipped the cage over so that the door was at the top of the cage and they still managed to escape. I placed them in a cardboard box, a shoe box wrapped in fabric, and a plastic storage box but nothing seemed to contain them. I gave them a small pillow to climb, built them an awesome blanket fort for them to play in, I even let them run around the studio and the kitchenette but they somehow always came back to my desk;  all the while I was accomplishing no work whatsoever. They had to be doing this on purpose. I mean I raised them since they were little and kept them warm, safe, fed and happy for 2 years and now, on my first day working from home and they began popping open their cage and I’m supposed to believe it’s a coincidence... NO. 

I caught on to their little plan. See, during the day, this house used to belong to them while I was away at work, but now since I’m not leaving for work anymore, they are mad at me for taking their space and to punish me, they’ve started hazing me. Well, they forgot that I was a part of my school’s Greek life a few years back so I knew how to play this game and what I needed to do and I was not going to let them win and humiliate me. I had one last idea to try and this time, it was going to work! I placed them inside their cage so I could watch them open the door and learn their tricks and out a stop to them. But I swear they just sat there and looked back at me, mocking me. They began yawning and acting like they were going to sleep but I knew what they were planning. After two years of living with them, I learned how to read them. I knew they were planning another escape. So I hid behind my desk and waited to catch them in the act. 

About an hour passed before I decided to return to my work. I swear, though, as soon as I sat down in my chair, I heard the cage door just pop open. I turned around just in time to see them making their way over to my desk again. I knew they just had to be laughing behind my back after pulling that stunt. They had tricked me and humiliated me but I would not let this slide. I had to beat them at their own game. So I began a new plan; one that will let me finish my work and keep the girls occupied. I relocated their cage to the far end of my studio, facing a wall. I then picked up the girls and placed them inside, closing the door behind them. Then, before they had time to open the cage door, I grabbed my laptop, ran to the bathroom, turned off the lights and got into the stand-up shower. There was no way that they would be able to find me in here. They were smart, but crouching inside of the dark and damp shower floor with my laptop balanced on my knees, I knew I had outsmarted them. 

With my new office space set up, I started working. I only had 30 minutes left to finish so I was going to have to work quickly and quietly so as to not give away my position. I opened my laptop to start working when suddenly ABBA’s “S.O.S” burst into the bathroom. 

“So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me S. O. S. / The lo..” I hit pause. 

My face turned pale white. I knew I would regret my late night ABBA dance parties someday, but I didn’t expect it to be when I was trying to finish up my work while hiding in the bathroom from my pet rats but, nevertheless, there I was frozen in place, as I watched the shadow of some tiny feet, scuttling across the laminate wood flooring. I instinctively held my breath. Then, immediately let it out as a small sigh of relief as I recognized Kitten’s heavy, uncoordinated footsteps; she was just a little too dumb to use my mistake to track me down. Sure enough, as she got close to the door, I heard a thud against the door followed by scrambling footsteps that scurried away from the door. I was safe for now, but I couldn’t afford any more mistakes. Kitten, being the muscle of the operation, might not have noticed it but my fear was that if she did, she would report back to the one who can. Then the real mastermind would get involved.

If I wanted to have any chance of completing my work before the deadline, I was going to have to make myself believe I was safe, at least for 5 more minutes so I could finish up my work. “Here they can’t find me. Here I am safe. I just have to focus on work so that I get through this.” I repeated this mantra over and over again as I started to take deep breaths; feeling my body begin to calm down. I had fooled my body into believing it was safe. But, as I started the final review of my work, I heard a set of footsteps begin to approach the bathroom door. Then  a small set of whiskers connected to a slim and sharp silver nose, poked beneath the door. Any amount of hope I had, crumbled. I thought I had more time. I thought I could finish. I thought I could outsmart her and I was a fool for believing that. Silky had caught up to me and it was only a matter of minutes before I was surrounded out and my work space was compromised, yet again. 

As the realization began to set in and reality came crashing down around me, I could do nothing but sit there and cry. Not only for myself and others like me but for everything.  I cried for my company and boss for letting them down. I cried because I was not able to fulfill my responsibilities. I especially cried for Silky and Kitten. I knew this was not their fault, they didn’t know better. Their innocent little minds were not ready to handle all that the 2003 movie Old School had to offer. The movie, along with my wild college bedtime stories I told them as they go to sleep must have corrupted them. I had brought them into this life of Greek madness and now, they were only doing what they understood best. They are what I had taught them to be. They learned how to mess with working people because of my influence, and I’ve come to regret it. I was so close too. I just needed one more minute to work and I would have met my deadline, but I had been found. My spot had been compromised. With that said, Silky and Kitten were not the reason I was not going to meet my deadline. Realizing I had no one to blame but myself, I sat in the bathroom, closed my eyes and accepted my fate at 4:57pm. 

But something wasn’t right. A minute passed. Then two. Then three. But I didn’t hear a door open up or feel any little feet running up my body.I opened my eyes and through my tears, I could still see her little nose, struggling to get into the bathroom. Then, similar to before, there was a thud against the door and I knew Kitten had failed to crash through the door. I couldn’t believe it. Did I do it? Did I beat them? I thought this was impossible. It had to be. I stayed there inside the bathroom just to make sure this was real. Tears of joy and relief streamed down my face as I continued to watch them struggle to find a way inside. As the hours passed, their attempts finally came to a glorious end seeing that they could not get through the bathroom door. They had surrendered. I had won. Sure, I missed the deadline today but now, I at least figured out what to do in the future to avoid these interruptions. Starting tomorrow, and for the rest of my time working from home, I am going to be so productive and safe from distractions in my new little bathroom/ office set up. Finally, I had outsmarted them!