Rain, Come and Gone

Rain, Come and Gone

The first rain of Spring has come and gone. A reminder that you weren’t here with me to see it. We always watch the first rain of every season together, but not this time. You are long past watching the rain and marvelling over the seasons with me. Once upon a time, watching the rain was all you ever wanted to do as long as we were together. Even when the skies were clear, and the sun shone down on us, you radiated warmth and safety. You were my blue sky, my clouds at every hour and the stars that lit up my world. The first rain of Spring has come and gone, just like you, my love.

I watched the rain trickle down the windows and listened to it patter against the roof whilst laying in my bed. Cloud tears, you used to call them as we drove down highways in your blue Subaru and ran in the rain without umbrellas. Once the shower stopped, I sat outside and smelled the scent of rain. There’s a name for it, isn’t there? Petrichor, that’s it. You loved that word, didn’t you? If you had your way, there’d be a “special name” for everything. I would’ve let you had you not left. You might wonder why I sat in the soaked grass, but I assure you, it was for a good reason. You see, my love, the rain will always remind me of you. The smell of rain evokes me of the sleepless nights and the midnight cuddles as we watched the rainfall. Memories of a better time, in a better place.

When it rained, and it was one of those sleepless nights, you’d sing whilst the rain came down, murmuring lyrics or humming softly till I fell asleep. Now as I lay awake, alone in bed, I wonder why you had to leave. Illness could’ve struck anyone, but it was brought upon you. Towards the end, saying I love you was sadder than happier. I loved you too much to let you go or to lose you, but it was never up to me. When it rained in the car, we’d watch the raindrops race and I’d turn off the radio to hear the rain but mainly to listen to your voice. If the rain could sound any different, it’d be to your vocals, so I’d think of you even more. The wind could whisper your name in my ear, the sun could shine, reminding me of our happiness and the rain would show the moments where it’s peaceful to fill the space in my heart. These little things rest in my soul, like you do, my love.

When it rained on the streets and we didn’t have umbrellas, I remember we’d walk together, laughing as the rain tickled our skin and soaked our clothes. ‘A free shower’, you used to joke, ‘everyone loves things that are free, but the rain is priceless.’ After the first rain of the season, I visited your mother. She was so happy to see me since you and your father had passed on. We recalled the bittersweet memories of you and talked about how wonderful you were. Your amber eyes, your jokes, your kindness, and your smile. We cried about your short-lived life, your once tan skin that turned pale and your beautiful chestnut hair that became thinner and thinner with each day. But remember, my love, we loved and will always love everything about you. You were far from perfect, but aren’t we all? You were mine, a blessing to my life and the most amazing person in so many people’s lives. Especially mine. No amount of rain could ever compare to that, for it was a kind of love that makes the rain fall for us, not for anyone else. It was the kind of love that made us better people, made us happy and taught us how to be brave for the people we love most. Thank you for teaching me all that, my love.

I saw some children playing on the street when I came home. A girl and two boys were jumping in the puddles with grins on their faces. I hope our smiles were just as big and joyous as theirs were. They caught me looking, smiled and then waved me over. One of the boys asked if I wanted to join them. I thought of you walking in the puddles after rainfall, so I did. I imagined you were there too as the children clutched my hand and jumped with me. Their parents came out to collect them not long after, thanking me for spending time with them, but I told them it was my pleasure. The youth of today seem to appreciate the rain just as much as you did, my love. Nothing could make me happier than to see people who admire the rain just as much as you did.

The first rain of the season has come and gone. I smelled the scent of the rain, visited your mother, played with some children and thought of you. The love of my life who cherished the rain. As I sit in the living room, with a cup of tea and write this, I want to shout to the world how much I love you, despite you not being able to hear me. But, I have the memories of you, the things you left me and the rain to remind me of your love. This beautiful rain that you adored so much, reminds me you will never truly leave. My love for you will always remain, and I will be reminded of you when the rain falls. Though you have left, every heartbeat of mine beats for you and the memories we made together. As seasons change, storm clouds brew or the moon changing its phases, we will be together; one heart, one spirit, one love. A new season has arrived, the previous one, come and gone. Just like many other things in life, like the rain, and you.