Coming Of Age

Coming of age is such a way to engross the mind. Think about life in general but swallow the pride. I can't help but face choices that can't divide. Living and dying, forgetting they coincide.

Enervated and in my dotage. I swam through the river because there was no bridge. I didn't want to drown because there are reasons to live. Upset those that hate but respect who forgive. 

In a desolate home with time and patience. Love comes to visit with karma as surveillance. In my bed, stretched out with my thoughts veracious. Angry, then calm, the mood doesn't adjust.

The walls drips pain of memories as it peels off. Me running as a child impetuous down the hall. Although we rented, the dream was bought. Life was good but passed faster than a cough.

Back then, I was free. The road was my runway. I flew, fell, laughed, and drove. The details are in a haze. I was married, which became more than just a phrase. Took a tab of acid that became more than just a phase.

My early teen life wasn't too bad. Accept the wrongs, although there was always a catch. In the shadows but more visible than a flag. Respect what was taught on my father's behalf. 

A bit overweight and mentally suffering. Always been depressed, even over the dumbest things. Had trust issues and ignored the world. Wasn't held down by a partner, which brought concern.

Love came and went like a breeze. Thoughts doubled in size to some degree. Hope was shipped, but pessimism was received. Money always vanished, which explains the greed. Tried it all the effort was shown to preserve. Never taken into consideration I that I couldn't push further.

On the couch now, as lazy as a sloth. Without pain, as if agony was pawned. Sunlight cracks through the window and blinds. Life is strange but extraordinary by design.

The early 20s approached without warning. Bills materialized, and my circle was shortening. Work intensifies, which behooves a priority. Didn't go out drudgery became compulsory.

Vicenarian, bills multiply and become intricate. The US dollar drops, and inflation proliferates. Barely make enough for rent as it is. Reality kicks my ego, and money suffocates it. My credit went down faster than a bear market. Lost everything I've worked for to be honest. Attempted to thrive by an idea. If you don't give up the dream can't corrupt.

Early 30s, I met someone. Finally! Grew some courage, but money was evaporating. Got my brain in a fog like Beijing. She loves from within and that's before the ring.

Her heart was pure like those who volunteer. Hair straighter than pole that glimmer when near. Always thought twice but spoke once to be clear. Loved even at your lowest which is completely sincere.

Time moved on and intentions were shown. A family was hinted but the convo was never thrown. I had a hunch whenever we were alone. Did my best whenever she went prone. God disapproved because the process was always pending. The steps were done then later suspended.

35 shit changes a bit. The shift was obvious I'm no longer a kid. Time went on as it did. Wanted a spiritual retreat it became a wish. Wasn't married yet although there were five years of commitment. Love her with my soul but didn't want that argument.

When finances are settled I'll see if she accepts. But at the moment I can't drop a boat load on that event. She understood the situation but I can promise. I'll give her everything but sadly not kids. According to the doctor I'm unfit. The age isn't the problem my sperm count is.

At 37 things came around and I'm all caught up. Life has accepted the effort and said enough. Bought a tab of acid and gave it a go. Did my research before entering the unknown. An experience for the books. A limitless substance like a city in flux. 

Done it several times throughout the years. Also been in hell which brought me to tears. 10 hours of madness that just doesn't disappear. Set and setting is everything unless you wanna be consumed by fear.

40 creeped pass the atmosphere was dull. A bit optimistic with a glass half full. Thoughts clogged up the mind like flushing a condom. Then vomit a random emotion like a denied refund. 

42 I've accepted the age, time to wed. We said I do and then we connect. Went well for most part going forward. Had our moments like a struggling composer. She stayed strong I respected that. Expected a bent knee a couple years back. Lived together since practically the first half. 2 years with distance then my place became our flat.

In my 50s the days drag a bit. Talk more move less regardless of what it inflicts. Saving a good portion the secret is to persist. The world has changed and my body refuses to notice.

Mid 60s and proceed with work. Let loose a bit because the labor began to hurt. Energy dies down the speed diminishes. Listen then speak like I'm no longer interested.

In my 70s I bought my childhood home. Loved the area plus I've been there for too long. My wife has passed away cancer is a bitch. Didn't hit rock bottom but emotionally I did. Hospitals clam to due all that they can. If that was the case they would have detected it before hand.

All caught up my life from the start. currently 84 and without a heart. I miss my wife the present at a halt. Acid taught me to accept life and peace will embark.

I am not who I was before. Personality shift like the coastal shores. No longer depressed and stressing. Money has been saved as if I'll be married. No kids sadly but we tried. Life always refuses the plans you keep in mind.

Things happen the world spins as normal. Not a fan of the events that left me in a hole. My younger self probably wouldn't have the guts to face it. Take any chance I could in order to quit. Yet here I am optimistic and pushing. Sit back wait or pour in a drink. Watch a movie or two. Retire with a herb. Being alone does make me perturb. 

The change from then and now made me demented. Somehow crawled through the issues life tested. With the war in my head I'd assume the direction. Of course plans never turn out how we expect them. Although every decision was with a positive intention. Life shot me with hatred as if the devil's present.

Finally coming of age it's time to settle down. Tired of searching for faith like a bloodhound. Just relax and reflect on the sounds. Close my eyes instead of fearing how. Peace is formed from within and once that's found. I've come to realize tranquility is profound.