Distortion

Andy pulled the blanket over his head, wrapping himself up like a mummy, despite the warmth of the night. His fists were tightly clenched around the blanket, holding it firmly in place on top of him. Small, salty tears somehow managed to squeeze out through the corners of his eyes, even though he had them squeezed shut so tightly that they ached. 

“It’s not real, it’s not real…” he repeatedly muttered to himself, over and over. Like he could somehow convince himself if only he repeated it enough times. 

He tried hard to convince himself that what he had seen was only a figment of his imagination. But he knew that the terrible violence he witnessed had indeed happened. He could feel it in his bones. 

Andy might have only been nine years old, but he was wise beyond his years. He instinctively knew that he needed to tell somebody about what he had seen. But who could he tell?

He thought about waking his parents. But they would never believe him when he described what he had seen. Not with everything that had happened over the last couple of years. And besides, if he went into his parents’ room and woke them, his dad Roy would be angry with him. Again. Andy couldn’t take that, not right now. 

He thought about calling 9-1–1 to report what he had witnessed. However, Andy felt that it would likely lead to a bunch of trouble. 

He would need to slip into his parents’ bedroom to get his hands on one of their cell phones, for starters. And his mother, Liz, was such a light sleeper, he knew that there was no way he could get one of their phones without her waking up. 

And while she would certainly be more understanding of being woken up than his father would, Andy didn’t dare chance it. 

Andy knew that he had an appointment the following morning with his psychiatrist, Dr. Chapman. He knew that he could tell her what he had seen from his bedroom window tonight; she was always so kind to him. And more importantly, she had always seemed to believe him when he told her things. Not like his parents. 

But Andy didn’t think that he could wait that long to talk to someone about what he had seen. It was just too much for his young mind to handle. 

He decided that the only answer was to tell his best friend, Ike. Ike would know what he should do; he always did. 

Ike was missing an eye from repeated trips through the washing machine. Despite having gone through countless spin cycles over the years, his white belly was now more of an ashen grey colour. Ike was a stuffed penguin given to Andy by his Aunt Clara when he was only about two years old. Andy and Ike had been through so much together.

Andy sensed that he was probably too old to have a stuffed animal as a friend. But he couldn’t bear the thought of not having Ike in his life. Ike was the only one that seemed to understand him. Andy desperately needed someone like that in his life, even if it was only a stuffed penguin. Ike was his lifeline, the one thing that kept Andy from slipping entirely over the edge. 

 Andy released his iron-grip on the blanket, flailing his arms around in a panic, desperately searching for his friend. Ike had managed to slip down the bed next to Andy’s knees, trapping himself between the sheet and the blanket. Andy freed the faded penguin and pulled him in close to his chest. Andy was squeezing Ike so tightly that the stuffing threatened to spill out of his ageing seams. Thankfully Ike was able to keep himself together. 

Andy managed to muster up enough courage to force his eyes open, now that he had Ike in his arms. He pulled Ike up near his face and began to whisper to him, keeping his voice very low for fear of waking his parents. He described in vivid, gory detail what he had seen out his window only minutes earlier and asked Ike what he should do. 

With his head cocked to the left and staring intently into Ike’s one remaining eye, Andy whispered, “Okay, Ike, that’s what I thought too. We can tell Dr. Chapman tomorrow. Of course, mom and Dad will never believe us. But Dr. Chapman will believe us, and she will know what to do.”

Andy laid back, still keeping a grip on Ike. He did not - could not - close his eyes. He was too afraid. Andy knew that with his eyes shut, his mind would keep flashing the images that he had seen out his window over and over. He was sure that sleep would not be coming to him for the rest of the night. 

Yet old-man sleep can be clever sometimes. Because somehow, despite the overwhelming sense of terror that Andy felt vibrating through his entire body, he drifted off for a few hours of deep, dreamless sleep. 

Andy suddenly jolted upright in bed, wondering what the noise was that he had just heard. He was bewildered, not even aware that he had fallen asleep. 

He squinted his eyes as the bright early morning light streamed through the same window that had brought him so much horror just a few short hours ago. He blinked a few times confusedly, and then he settled his head back down on his pillow, realizing that the noise was coming from the kitchen. It was just his parents doing something in the kitchen. He was sure that it was his mom, as his dad would have been off to his job at the bank long ago, judging by how much light was shining in. Andy couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his dad still at the house when the sun was up, especially on a weekday. 

As he lay in the bed, he could not stop his thoughts from racing back to the night before. He had gone to bed, as usual, kissing his mom goodnight and then heading up to his room. Their deal was that as long as he was in bed by 8 pm on a weeknight, he was allowed to read in bed for up to 45 minutes before his mom would make him turn off his light. Andy loved having this time alone to immerse himself in the make-believe worlds of books. 

For Andy, reading was a way to escape his daily life. Not that his life was so bad. He sometimes felt guilty about wanting to escape life when he knew that he had it pretty good. He had heard about some of the real problems that other kids at his school had. 

His parents were still together, unlike so many of the other kids. They had an incredible home in a brand-new development. The house was spacious and tastefully decorated. Andy did not know how much money his dad made as one of the so-called “big shots” at the bank he worked at, but he suspected that it was a lot. At least, Andy hoped that he earned a lot, as he was not around the house very much. 

Despite all of the good things he had going for him, Andy still felt the need to escape his life. This feeling started when they moved into this house. And the stories in books were a perfect way for Andy to forget about things for a while.

The thing was, sometimes, when Andy looked out his bedroom window, he would see things. Things that should not be happening in a nice neighbourhood like this. Things that 9-year old boys were not meant to see. Things like what he saw last night when he woke up in the middle of the night. 

How he wished he would have just stayed in his bed instead of getting up and looking out that window. And really, he knew better than to look out that window. Especially in the middle of the night. 

But Andy also knew that he had no choice. He had to look out the window. Looking out his window was like picking at a dried scab; it was something he did, even though he knew that he shouldn’t. He couldn’t help himself.  

Andy got up and pulled on pair of pants and a t-shirt before heading downstairs to the kitchen. 

“Morning champ,” his mother sang happily. “You sleep well?”

Andy nodded ‘yes’ vehemently like he was trying to convince her. Maybe he was also trying to convince himself. 

“Yeah, I slept great!” he lied, not wanting to worry her. 

“Excellent, you needed the rest. You want some cereal for breakfast?”  

“Sure. The chocolate one?” his face pleading. 

“Oh, okay. I suppose it’s alright. You know that I can’t resist that look you give me.” She laughed playfully, pulling out a bowl and the cereal for him. 

He had a big grin on his face as he pulled open the fridge door to grab the milk.  

“You need to eat fairly quickly and get your school bag packed up. You have your appointment with Dr. Chapman first thing this morning”.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. I had forgotten.” Andy lied to his mom for the second time of the day, all before breakfast. 

Andy was quiet and reflective, even more so than usual, as his mom drove him to the doctor’s office for his appointment. 

She glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror while stopped at a traffic light. “You okay?” 

“Yeah. Still just sleepy, I guess.” Another lie. It seemed like once he got started lying to her, he couldn’t stop. He was dismayed at how effortlessly lies seemed to fly from his lips. 

The truth was that he was imagining the upcoming conversation with his doctor, trying to figure out how he was going to explain what he had seen the night before. Last night he was sure that she would believe him. Ike had been very convincing. But now that he was about to face her, he felt a lot less confident. 

His mom pulled into the parking lot of the small medical office building, pulling right up near the front door. She reached into her purse and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill, handing it back to Andy. 

“Like usual, just have them call you a cab to get you to school after your appointment. I have to get to work,” she instructed him. 

“I know, Mom, I will.” 

She leaned in towards him for a kiss. He gave her a quick peck on the lips, telling her to have a great day as he hopped out of the car and headed into the building. 

Once inside, he knew exactly where to go. After all, he had seen this doctor so often lately. He started seeing her shortly after they had moved into the new house. He felt like that was when all of his troubles began, but he didn’t understand why. Because other than the new house and neighbourhood, everything else was pretty much the same as before. 

Upon arriving at the entrance to his psychiatrist’s office, he pushed the door open gently. He was still deep in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to tell the doctor about what he had seen the night before while looking out his window. 

He was greeted warmly by the friendly receptionist. He liked her, feeling that seeing her was always the highlight of coming here. She told him to go on in as Dr. Chapman was ready for him. 

He took his usual place on the comfortable recliner as Dr. Chapman greeted him and took a seat in a chair facing him. After getting the pleasantries out of the way, the doctor asked Andy how he was feeling. 

He told her that he was glad to be here, as he had something urgent to say to her. She leaned forward, listening and watching him intently. Andy pulled Ike out of his school bag, perching the old penguin on his lap. 

Andy described what he had seen through his bedroom window. The doctor’s facial expression never changed, and she never interrupted Andy by asking him any questions. Instead, she let him get the whole story out.

Once Andy had finished, she asked, “And do you think that what you saw last night actually happened?”.

He cast his eyes downward. “Yes, of course, it really happened. I saw it.” 

Even though he was not looking directly at her, Andy had noticed something. There had been a very subtle shift in her body language. Andy was very observant with these things. He could very plainly see that she did not believe him. 

“So if you thought that sort of gruesome violence was happening, why did you not get your parents? Or call the police?”

“Because I did not think that they would believe me,” he answered without looking up at her. Then added, “but I thought that you would.”

“I believe that you believe that what you saw was true, Andy. But - if it did happen, wouldn’t there be visible signs of the tragedy this morning? It sounds like there would need to be blood all over the place and that the bodies would still be there...” she trailed off. 

Andy shrugged his shoulders, “I guess. I don’t know. But I know what I saw!”

“Okay, Andy,” she replied, “Thank you for sharing with me. First, I will need to have some follow-up discussions on your particular case with some of my colleagues. And then later I will speak with your parents so that we can come up with the best plan to deal with your experiences. In the meantime, try to make sure that you get enough sleep. It seems to me that you might be sleep-deprived.”

“Yes, ma’am.” 

Andy stuffed Ike angrily back into his bag, heading back to the reception area. He was mad at himself for letting Ike convince him that the doctor would believe him.

The receptionist asked him if he wanted her to call him a cab as usual. He nodded glumly. Even the good-natured receptionist could not improve his mood right now. 

Getting into the cab, he gave the driver his home address instead of the school address. Andy had done that entirely on a whim and without even understanding why. He had never done something like that before. The cabbie nodded and drove him home. 

When he arrived, he took his keys from his bag and let himself into the quiet house. He did it as quickly as possible before any of the neighbours spotted him. He worried that they would likely wonder why he was there on a school day and possibly contact his parents. 

He went into his room and sat on the edge of his bed, holding his head between his hands. He was so unsure of himself, wondering if he was losing his mind. He kept seeing all of these horrible things happen, but only when looking out his bedroom window. And no one ever believed anything that he told them about what he saw. 

Instead of believing him, they sent him to see various doctors. Maybe there was something wrong with him? Was he crazy? Perhaps they were going to put him away in a mental hospital? He had seen those on the television a couple of times, and he thought they looked like horrible places to be. He did not want to go to one.

Suddenly, it hit him. He knew what he had to do. The only time that he saw these terrible things was when looking out his bedroom window. It wasn’t him that there was something wrong with; it was the window.

He jumped off his bed and sprang open his closet door. Rummaging through it, he found what he was looking for; his baseball bat. 

There was simply no stopping him now. He took the bat to the window, striking it with all of his strength. It took a couple of hits before the first crack appeared. Then, with the next blow, the window exploded outward, raining shards of glass onto the roof of the front porch. 

Andy didn’t stop there. He kept beating at the window frame until every tiny shard of glass had fallen, all of it scattered on the porch roof, glinting in the sun. 

The brilliant sparkle of the glass in the bright sun did not fool Andy. He knew that the truth; that particular window had been very dark indeed. 

Andy walked back to his bed and smiled. The window was gone. And his problems with it. He took a long glance at Ike, realizing that it was finally time to move on. He pulled Ike out of his bag, looked at him solemnly, hugged him tightly, and then tucked him up on the top shelf of his closet. 

Despite his young age, Andy had already learned a crucial lesson that so many of us fail ever to realize. We all have windows that can distort our view of reality. But, sometimes, you need to muster up your courage and smash through those windows to see how incredible the world and the people in it can be.

Sometimes you need to break things to move forward.