Who are You?

"Someone is watching..."

A strange uncomfortable chill sent shivers down my spine - a feeling which I will never grow accustomed with. It has been this way from the day I was delivered to Earth till two decades later that not even childhood amnesia can completely wipe off.

Trying to shrug off the paranormal idea, its overwhelming presence always gets the best out of me. From the first breeze of morning dew until the ghost town silence of night, peace of mind has been foreign. Living in ambivalence, each second feels like a minute and every minute an hour. Time is running though out of place and every step as if walking outside stark naked in the Garden of Eden after consuming the enthralling forbidden fruit.

Feeling confused and disturbed is an understatement. This has far surpassed solving a conundrum. Doubt heightens as to think that even great detectives could find the slightest trace to reveal a clue. Most might think of it as a delusion or paranoia which somewhat convinces me the same but deep down, I know something is up. I could hear my thoughts whispering to my ears and reciting in my mind, breathing becoming a tough task and my soul living in the unknown.

Yet in all of these, it is no match and goes far beyond that. I have exhausted all my means – seeking help from family and friends to experts but nothing came out of it. Like a labyrinth which I can't escape from, I ask “How far will I be able to go with this dilemma? Will I be able to deny and accept to move on? Will this ever even end?”

It is something beyond anyone's comprehension...and I fear the high chance of it lasting for a lifetime.

"I've had enough! I've had enough! ENOUGH! PLEASE!" A few stacks of publications stumbled messily on the floor caused by the sudden impact of my fist as it hit the mahogany desk. Some flipped open to random pages whilst others remained closed but its previously sharp edges now dented. I was a bit late to realize its fall was due to my thoughts distracting and drowning all the noises around me.

Lifelessly staring at the mess, I left my seat heaving a frustrated sigh and dragging my legs towards the shallow pond of compiled papers scattered a moment ago. Slowly crouching down, I can feel an overwhelming weight on my shoulders and hands. From there, I was well aware that I’m in my most vulnerable state – at the very verge of despair that even lifting a piece of paper was enough to shatter me to pieces. While struggling to get myself together, a certain book caught my attention. Its cover wasn't that appealing but a small section of paper peeked out behind the hardbound like a child eagerly waiting to be found.

At the peak of my interest, pressure faded and instead was replaced by curiosity. The paper kept my attention drawn into it as if hypnotized. Giving in to the temptation, I delicately pulled it out from the book but the thin ripped medium had nothing more on it than a few blue-inked cursive characters written legibly in the middle.

"I know who you are."

At the very exact second I read it aloud, a voice thundered the same words within the four corners of the room as if an earthquake outraged the entire place causing my heart pulse to raise at an alarming rate. Familiar shivers froze from every inch of my body, small lumps electrified its surface, chapped lips drained away pigmentation and cold sweat rolled down at a painfully slow pace - a sensation that's exceedingly intense than ever before.

All at once, the lights went off and everything was pitch black. No windows, no doors, no openings like being trapped in an unceasing nightmare – a perfect depiction of my life. Then out of the blue, a faint illumination came into view as thin air formed a silhouette of a human being though the features were hardly recognizable. Being in the state of complete shambles, a desperate scream tried to come out but could not find the voice as if every function of my body seemingly lost all its senses. Nailed in place, the figure's presence demanded absolute authority with long careful strides closing a foot distance between us.

"W-Who are you?"

Stuttered words slipped out of my quivering lips while staggering to rise up back on my feet. Uncertainty and anxiety saturated my mind with thoughts knocking on death's door. Horror reflected in my eyes as life flashed like multiple glass remnants of memories before me. In intense terror, I closed my eyes tightly whilst digging fingernails to my sweaty palms.

A few moments in what felt like forever, a soft tap was placed on my stiffened shoulders. Surprisingly, I didn't shudder at the contact. Rather, it was comforting and warm.

"I know everything about you. The past, the present and the future..."

The thundering voice from earlier turned serene like drizzles after the calming of a storm. I thought I heard a few more words uttered that only my soul can discern.

Skeptical by what was heard, my eyes opened in shock and wonder. Questions started to resurface in my blank mind. But this time in amazement and awe, I realized that the opaque shadow from earlier has shown more of the profile’s defined details.

A compassionate smile welcoming me – a smile that freed me from the prisons of fear, doubt and insecurity.

A gentle presence that lifted me up from the uncertainties I have been carrying my whole life.

A soothing peace and solace effortlessly silencing noisy thoughts.

A real encounter? Dream? Hallucination? It doesn’t matter anymore.

For I am drowned by the immense feeling enveloping me. Stunned by what was once… 

A strange uncomfortable chill…now a reassuring relief loosening all strained senses.

My soul living in the unknown…now answered with undeniable reality.

Living in ambivalence…now moving forward with focus and conviction.

Lasting for a lifetime...no more but with timeless renewed faith conquering it.

I finally found who I really am.

All questions lingering over the years answered by a deafening and astounding revelation.

"...I am your Author."