Burning Man

The house is its own nightclub. Bass-driven music hypnotizes all the young men and women into obnoxious huddles and scenes. I probably fit my own stereotype but I never understood why others fully choose theirs. Shifting through the crowd I see Charlie and Max wearing boat shoes, no socks for some reason, and a size-too-small polo. That’s only on my left. To my right, three girls, who I also went to high school with, wear far too much makeup that glows with each passing of strobe light. Just like in the cafeteria, just like in gym class, they had their eyes glaring and arms folded at the pathetic sight of living before them. The majors being studied have leaked out of the lectures and latched their facets to all the faces. Again, others see me this way too, at least I think.  

“Jacob!

“Jacob! To your 1 o’clock!”

The music can only be so loud, “Oh hey!”

“Hey!”

“What’s up Margret?”

“I’m good! How about you?”

“I’m alright. Just doing me,” taking a sip of my drink. 

“Where are you at right now?”

“A basement?” I hate small talk. 

She laughs a little too hard, “I see your sense of humor hasn’t changed.”

“And neither your hair. I thought you hated being a redhead.”

“Believe me I do but I can’t keep dying it. I was blonde in the fall actually…”

How many people are even here? 50? 60? And no cops? It’d be pretty interesting if this were that type of night. Or better, someone who “wasn’t invited” crashes the party. Everyone wants the same thing whether or not they realize it. And yet, people have either the audacity, pride, or maybe just respect, to pick and choose who can and cannot join in. Is this how it starts? No, this has have been going on long before, it took only recent time to decipher it. It’s funny ― hilarious that amidst this realm ― she is still talking. 

“ … God I’d kill myself if that were my hair. She’s one lighter flick away from setting herself on fire.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Oh, that’s right! Doesn’t Sarah go to school with you?”

“What? Sarah who?”

“Sarah! The girl ―”

“UH-OH WHO LET THIS GUY IN THE HOUSE. WHO? WHO? C’MON NOW!”

A sneak attack hug checks me right up against a window. A simple shoulder tap would’ve been much better. 

“Hey what’s up Anthony!”

Even in the blue hue, his body is well-defined, similar to that of a gymnast. 

“ALL IS WELL, ALL IS WELL JAKE!”

Why is he yelling, “You seem like you’ve been working out? You look good.”

He laughs, “AH JAKE MAN YOU ARE ALWAYS ONE WITH PEOPLE! ISN’T HE, ISN’T HE MARG?”

She’s still standing here, “Remember we were all on the student council together?”

“Yeah and ―”

“OF COURSE! JAKE, REMEMBER FOOTBALL TOGETHER?”

“Yeah! Though, I was always a bench player ―”

“MARG, YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT THIS KID TRIED. THERE WAS AN OPENING SPOT AT KICKER AND JAKE HE DECIDED TO SHOOT HIS SHOT. REMEMBER THAT THIS IS JAKE AND HE NEVER SNIFFED A DOWN. SO, WHAT DID HE HAVE TO LOSE, HE’S JAKE…”

I guess I have to ask myself why I’m here. These people are good people without a doubt. I know because none of them have ever wronged me. Do I have to like them because of that? Whether it was some homecoming after-party or pictures at prom, I just felt they were always staring at me. And not in the sense of appearance but more like an energy presence. They wore Nikes while I wore knockoffs. I was never on the same frequency or vibration as these guys. And I’m somehow here now probably due to an unconscious curiosity or insecurity of mine. 

I focus on the window until the reflection of the basement morphs into a revelation of outside. There may be a balcony outside. 

“... JAKE STEPS UP RIGHT. HE STEPS UP AND NOT ONLY DOES HE MISS, HE KICKS THE BALL DIRECTLY AT MR. PEARSON. HE WAS JUST MINDING HIS OWN BUSINESS BY HIS CAR UNTIL BANG! JAKE CONCUSSED HIM IT WAS SO BAD.”

“Jake!” 

“He looked at me the wrong way Margret.”

“You meant to do that?”

Embarrass myself in front of 58 teammates and the entire coaching staff?

“No, no I just ―”

“MARGE OF COURSE HE DIDN’T! AND FROM THERE ON OUT THAT’S WHY HIS NICKNAME WAS K58.”

“K58?”

“58th string kicker Margret,” finishing my drink, “It’s hot in here. I’m going to just catch some air.”

“UH-OH DID JAKEY HAVE TOO MUCH TO DRINK?”

The alcohol blessed me with enough alacrity to laugh back. With some shifting and excusing, I get to the balcony doors. Someone faintly calls me but not in time, I’m already outside. Amazing how centimeter-thick windows and 4-inch walls dictate it all. The soft cricket chirps, cicadas roars, and the ear soothing lack of man-made sound helps my borderline drunkenness. I take a chair, sit down, and ignite a cigarette. I don’t smoke but the moment feels right. 

Inhale. Exhale, “Night is not so dark really.”

Inhale. Exhale. 

Inhal ―

“Yo Jake!”

I’ve been alive too long, “Hey Chuck! How’s everything?”

“I do what I do you know me.”

The door slides open again and out comes two more, Anthony, and a girl named Maddie. Objectively beautiful but fits the same story as the rest. 

“Jacob! No way!”

“Maddie, I never thought I see you again.”

“What are you doing out ― ah you smoke?”

“It’s a metaphor.”

“What?”

How do you not get that reference, “Just a joke. You are where right now?”

“Alabama.”

“Ah, you in a sorority?”

“Yeah, Alpha Delta Pi.”

I wonder what the ancient greeks would say about us. I bring Chuck into the fold, “That sounds fun! Chuck, you still working that investment banking ―”

“Jake! Jake! You wouldn’t believe it!” berates Anthony out of nowhere. He’s now officially drunk.

“What?” playing along.

Slurring violently, “It’s Maddi,” he whispers as Maddi is two feet away, “Didn’t you guys date?”

Damn his voice knows who to kill night, “Yeah we did for a bit senior year. Remember?”

Maddi avoids eye contact, forcing a laugh, “Yeah, yeah….”

“What even happened?”

I appreciate Chuck’s directness, “She cheated on me.” 

“WOW! THAT’S BAD MADDI! THAT’S REALLY, REALLY, REALLY…”

I was so happy. I never should’ve been in a relationship and yet decided to along like with everything else. She gave me an out. 

“... REALLY, REALLY, REALLY…”

Chuck, still tall and lengthy though his eyes seem different. Not unhealthy but his eyes look like Anthony’s, and Margret’s. Amazing how we would slap each other with cheese slices in lunch, team up on a petty teach together, but haven’t spoken words in years. 

“... I MEAN WHO WAS THE GUY…”

Chuck and I are like a lot of others though. We didn’t face a fallout. Life kind of did life if that makes sense. People come and people go directly or indirectly. 

“... Oh c’mon Anthony quick being a dumbass…”

What is it that does this to us? Something occurs between the ages 14 and 20 that makes everything the melting pot most life is today. An investment banker? A marketer? Too many “ers.” School? The drinking? Maybe, the drinking and school? Either way, people kill themselves without a rope, a gun, a balcony no in days. Just get a bad teacher, a lot of homework, and societal judgment. 

“Jake?”

“Huh-what?”

“You good?”

“Yeah, just zoned out Chuck.”

“Jacob,” steps forward Maddison, “listen you know…”

Finally, I see her eyes. They are blue and that’s all.

“... but we are good now?”

I smile, “Maddison it was high school and we were children. Don’t worry at all ―”

“OH BIG SOFTY ―”

“Jake no!” 

“AHHHH YOU DICK!” 

With the butt end lit, I put my cigeratte out right in between Anthony’s eyebrows. Someone needed to shut this guy up! 

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”

“Screw you, Anthony! Screw you! You smell like cat liter, your hairline sucks, and I cannot stand the volume of your voice man. Jesus Christ we are two feet away and you are screaming like ―”

I knew what would happen. Anthony’s intoxication and muscles team up to pound a dozen punches to my face, kidneys, and chest. Chuck is helpless and Maddison just cries in horror. He grabs my collar, gassing me with his beer-breath, and pushes me off the railing. Thank God for asethtics. The drop was maybe six feet, if that, and the bushes keep only some scratch marks on me. 

“Jake, Jake!” calls out Chuck and Maddison, “Are you okay?”

My breath is short and I sense the outflow of blood from my nose. It’s warm and painful. I look up at the three, and for some reason, I laugh. I laugh and laugh hysterically. No need to say goodbyes. No need to walk back inside for small talk. I live only a mile down and the night is perfect for a walk.