To Forgive is Never Easy

To find a way to forgive that which someone knowingly does to another is never easy to be forgiven. It can hurt more when one tries to forgive that it can open up old wounds that were long since healed long ago.

The action that took place was one that was very hard to either find a way to be forgiven, much less ever forgotten. It was part of something that was stolen from the other person and it was also so painful, it was easier to try and forget.

The abandonment and the struggle one felt, was in such a way that most would judge the person who had done what they did, never letting anyone live down that which had been done.

The split between family members, the victim and the accused, the way it was seen and handled, those that pointed fingers at both was so overwhelming, and added to the shame and the fear that both were experiencing.

If one never heard the whole story and heard both sides, one would never allow all to know the truth behind the moment. It was as if some would blame all who had been there and had actually gone through the traumatic experience. Then even after hearing all parts of the story, they may still find some way to cause worse damage due to their insensitivity and blunt fault finding.

If it was easy to forgive for what has happened, then the healing begins. The moment is acknowledged and seen as something that can happen to anyone, yes to anyone. No one is ever immune to any form of trauma or painful event.

The feelings of desertion, of feeling left to defend their own self against the one that stole something from the other person, their sanity and their innocence. To invade one's childhood, to allow one's self to cause such that even to mention it in naming it would bring painful memories or better yet, nightmares to resurface.

This pain was seen as being used more like a defense method than as part of the trauma itself. The way one learns to discover the latter, and to find a way to come to terms with that which happened is handled differently by each person in their own way, if this is even possible for some or for all.

When the burden of such is too much to bear or becomes too much to bear, then we cry out and ask why. We blame ourselves for it happening, we respond and react to this in a way that only those who have experienced it will truly understand. Those who claim to understand much less actually know, can never truly understand or truly know.

It can be painfully real; it can bring on shame in all the aspects of life, it can prevent those who are victims to never be able to share affection or show love in a positive way. We try to fight the idea and say it was all a dream. We try to hide that which is a part of the moment or event, and hope no one ever finds out.

We go through guilt or denial of that which happened, we become angry with those who hurt us or angry with our own selves, because we believe it was our own fault. To forgive is never an option. It would seem we force ourselves to just go on as though nothing ever happened. But we know the reality and the reality will never let us forget.

It is bad enough when it is a complete stranger, for the trauma that is brought on can be painful and ugly in all ways, but when it is a family member or someone, we thought we could trust, then it causes us to no longer trust anyone ever again.

When the family member decides to cross the line or to force such upon the intended victim, then this may cause the victim to shut down or contemplate suicide. The refusing to relive the moment, is traumatic already, and having to speak about or mention it over and over can become part of the living hell one has to live with and deal with.

We close our eyes and keep saying, "It was only a bad dream", or "It never actually happened", or worse yet, "I am to blame for what happened". Then the victim begins to wonder what they did to make the person choose them and choose what they did to them. They begin to question so many things either about themselves specifically or about others around them.

They may try to run away from all that reminds them of the moment, they may try to bring harm to other innocent people who had nothing to do with their traumatic event. They may try to cause harm or hurt themselves, just to "deal" with the feelings and emotions they experience.

Even with therapy and meeting with someone who can help them come to terms, it may not always work. They may find ways to justify or state they feel violated and are never going to be able to find the best to handle the event. It can bring about pain and suffering never imagined possible for one to handle.

No one should ever have to go through such nor be exposed to this as it can cause irreparable damage that cuts deep into one's soul and heart. It can make things for the victim become harder to deal with on so many diverse levels. It can produce scars that can be more painful each time they are reopened and are brought to the surface, in such a way as at the time the event originally happened.

It can be the one thing that causes setbacks and causes one to never go forward. It can be the thing that reverses all that was part of one's life before, changing the course or direction the victim was heading in.

The only way to move beyond that which has hurt one, is to forgive and release themselves of the burden, of never allowing themselves to feel they are to blame, when they are never to blame, and of course to pray asking God to forgive them as He Himself has forgiven us of all things.