Could You Love A Sailor?

(Write a story about someone looking to make amends for a mistake.)

I don’t care how many years go by. I don’t care how many times I try to convince myself that directly, it wasn’t my fault. In my mind, heart and soul, I know I was involved, deeply involved.

It began with me all those years ago. The golden years when life was a lark and I was enjoying my first conquest. No that is wrong, a conquest is when you go after something and win. I never went after Charlie, he was always nearby, waiting in the wings. 

I pretty much ignored him most of the time but my friend Maggie and I used to break up in laughter when we would pass him in the hall or anywhere and his eyes would light up and a big smile would fill his face. Yes, we both knew he was interested in me. He was a grade ahead of me in school and often part of the group of friends I hung out with but we didn’t date until he was a senior. That last year we really found a special friendship. I think I was bored with my life and my friends and Charlie was so happy we were a couple. I think this will sound really conceited but I enjoyed the fact he was always there, whatever I wanted or needed, Charlie was there.

~~~~~

I remember the night clearly. The night that would change it all. We were in the West Theatre supposedly watching a movie but we were snuggled up and kissing on and off. We were much more interested in each other than in the movie. Charlie was in a strange mood and finally suggested we leave the movie, go somewhere we could talk.

As I think back now, I can almost feel how playful I felt, powerful almost, no shyness or hesitation to say anything that came into my mind. I had Charlie sewn up, he was mine as long as I wanted him. It was a very cool feeling to realize you could affect the life of another, make them happy or sad, instill passion and control the whole thing.  

We left the movie and walked around the lake that evening, stopping to sit at benches or on the grassy hillsides. Charlie wanted to talk and so we finally found a place away from others and he told me about his plans.

“There are only six weeks left before graduation,” he said, “I’ve decided to enlist in the military but I have no idea how I will stand missing “us”.” He looked so sad and worried, I thought this quite silly as we both knew everything changes after graduation. Kids go off in every direction, colleges all over the country, military for some, but all of us would try to become something different than our high school lives. It just was the way it was!

The mood was somber for Charlie and I didn’t like him ruining our fun evening but he blundered on, “I’m going to sign up next week.” “I’ve decided on the Navy,” he said with such a serious expression it made me laugh out loud.

I did actually laugh out loud, I was annoyed the way the conversation was going. There was no “fun” in it, it was boring and way too serious. That’s when I made such a stupid comment it still bothers me today. I was so crass and insensitive, I wanted to jump up and run with the breeze, just lighten up!

I said, in a very serious way, “I guess we are all done then.” “I could never date a guy in those funny white bell bottom pants and that silly white hat!” I said it rather forcefully and went on to be even a bigger brat, “Now a girl would be proud to be dating a Marine, they are the bravest!”

I cannot tell you more about that evening except shortly after, within the week, Charlie joined the Marines! I secretly felt all powerful and I enjoyed the feeling very much.

Charlie went off to boot camp and I enjoyed my summer vacation. By the time Charlie returned from boot camp, I was seriously dating someone else. I never gave another thought to good old Charlie!

~~~~~

Life went on, I eventually graduated and went off to college. In a long letter from my Mother, I learned that Charlie had been involved in a battle that ended in the loss of both of his legs, a land mine or something like that! It shocked me to my core!  

I don’t think anyone knew he joined the Marines for me. A stupid demanding spoiled girl! But I knew it and knowing it brought deep depression. I struggled through that year at college seeing a doctor for my depression. During my therapy I decided to change my major from music and dance to something meatier. Something more of value. I went on to become a physical therapist or occupational therapist. I helped persons with physical difficulties. I was trying to mitigate the past, the foolish prattle of a spoiled girl by becoming useful, doing something valuable.

I never went home, my life was now two states away. Occasionally Charlie was mentioned in one of my Mom’s letters but just in passing, nothing in detail. I wondered so often how he might be doing, I wondered if the VA was doing right by him, I wondered how he felt, if he loved, what his life had become? As preoccupied as Charlie had been by me in high school, that is how preoccupied I had become with thoughts of Charlie.

~~~~~

I am not sure where I found the courage, or maybe it was just the overwhelming need to know but when the announcement came for my class’s 10th year reunion, I responded with “yes” please reserve me a place at the festivities.

I went home that summer, I did not care a bit about the reunion, it was a convenient excuse to go and try to resolve the questions in my mind. I needed to know if Charlie hated me or had I just faded away to nothing in his mind. I had learned from my Mother that he still lived in town, he had married a nurse, he has a family.

At that point, I felt no further need to see him. He was ok, he had survived! Maybe it was hard but his spirit was so strong he had done the necessary things to make a life. Maybe it was time for me too, to put this all behind me. Maybe there was another Charlie out there and this time I would not be so stupid.

On the last day of my visit, my old friend Maggie and I were having a goodbye lunch in a local restaurant when I looked up from my salad and there was Charlie, across the room. When he saw me, he didn’t look down or away, he looked long and hard right at me and his eyes lit up and his face filled with that terrific Charlie smile!