Undying Humanity

"Please heal my wounds. This pain is too much, I'm afraid I can't muster up the strength or courage to continue."

    "You have no choice. You cannot turn back. I will set the path behind you ablaze and the only place left for you to run will be into the cold, dark. I have been gracious to you, I expect your respect and loyalty in return. Praise me, or I will make your pain worse."

I held back my rage. I stored it in my bleeding chest and my bloody fists. Carving my face into stone, I weakly muttered, "Greatest god, I deeply thank you for your gracious gift of immortality. I am... undeserving and worthless. And you have given me the greatest gift..." I quickly brought my hand up to my mouth as a violent, bloody cough overtook my words. My breath desperately attempted to make space in the dark air around me.

The ground rumbled below me and with a booming thunder my god yelled, "Say it like you mean it. I will not tolerate disrespect!" My ears began ringing and a sudden wind rushed through me. My face became hot, but the cold and violent wind bit at every other corner of my body.

I stood up quickly, "Oh- greatest god! I deeply thank you for your gracious gift of immortality!" With every word, my voice became louder. My bloody handkerchief that I was clutching to my chest was now completely soaked and began dripping onto the ground. "I am a mortal, undeserving and worthless. And you have given me a gift, unlike any other! And because of this I will serve you unconditionally and carry out your will!" I stood for a moment, frozen in fear. My left shoulder was heavy with the weight of its armor. The pool of sweat on my back soaked my tunic as if it were a turbulent puddle of rain. My quivering lips matched the shaking of my legs and arms. 

Suddenly, the all encompassing pain ceased. The air became still and quiet, and I fainted as I felt life rush to my head.

When morning came, I collected myself and my belongings. I unbuckled the strap of my spaulder and with my shoulder now free of the overbearing pressure, I found my way to the nearest stream and haphazardly removed my clothes. I found refuge in the redeeming waters and I watched the dried blood break free from my skin and make its journey slowly downstream. I exclaimed in delight, relief, and joy, "The water is nice!"

I took those few moments to appreciate what I could in the world. I let the sound of the birds and the stream, the smell of the air, the warmth of the sun, and the light in the world seep into the gaps of distress in my tattered being. I stayed there for a while, lingering in the water after I was done cleaning so I could feel the rocks against my feet.

My wounds from the night before came from the monsters that guard the tunnel outside of the region of Zenil which holds the town of Prelter; the destination my god had assigned me. The mission before me was deceptively simple. After I destroyed the towns of the 10 Transgressions, my god would set my sister free from her illness. This was the tenth and final town I was set to eradicate, the Transgression of this one being 'Indulgence.'

The night before, my mount and my rations were destroyed in the battle, so I set out to find a town where I could replace my things. I came upon a quaint town where the sounds of children laughing and playing filled the air. Winding stone paths connected one charming building to another and flowers lined soft dirt roads. The faces I met as I walked through the town greeted me warmly and my soul felt at ease. I made my way into an inn. Its stained glass windows had designs of roses and gorgeous landscapes, both detailed and simple all at once. The light cast by them made every step I took inside feel more and more magical, reds and pinks and yellows danced on the floor joyfully.

  "Will you be needing a room?" The sweet voice of a woman brought me out of my trance, and when I looked up I saw where the true sun must be. Her soft, red hair laid perfectly against relaxed shoulders. The twinkle of her honey eyes was blinding. As I yearned to look deeper in them, I felt my frantic heart pulling my gaze towards the floor. I felt as though if I stayed in her presence any longer I would be overwhelmed and overtaken by her ethereal gaze. Her pouty, pink lips pulled themselves into a soft smile, forming uneven dimples over her lightly freckled face. She stared at me quizzically as I took everything in, my mind too overwhelmed to form a coherent response. A long silence lingered between us before she repeated herself, "I'm sorry, I'm not sure if you heard my question. Will you be staying in a room tonight?"

"Oh. No, no. I just need to have a meal."

    "You're in luck! We have the best chef in all of Zenil, And he's in a particularly great mood today." She set down the broom in her hand as I made my way to the bar.

  Before long, a steaming plate of venison was set in front of me along with an assortment of vegetables, some small potatoes, and a tall glass of ale. She stood behind the bar, quietly arranging dishware and glassware as I nervously kept my gaze on her.

"I haven't seen you around before. Are you just passing through or will you be staying?"

    I chewed the delicious food I had in my mouth quickly and replied, "Oh, no. I'm just passing through. I needed to pick up some rations for my travel as well as a decent mount." I took a sip of ale in a futile attempt to mask the shakiness in my voice, "Would you happen to know where I can find these things?"

She rested her elbow on the bar and placed her face in her hands, she grinned sweetly, and I felt my stiff face begin to loosen up and form a smile as well. "Of course! I'm finishing up my shift here in a bit. I can show you around the town a bit more and help you find what you need." I looked down to hide my now stupidly large smile.

    I looked up and before I could finish thinking, my mouth moved on its own, "I would love that." I felt startled at my own warm tone. The stoic, serious, and cold tone I normally held could not be found anywhere.

She perked up and began gathering her personal belongings. Her dress was unconventional for a tavern waitress, its lightness seemed to dance as she moved around the room. I finished my meal and she grabbed my arm the moment her coworker walked through the door and she led me outside. 

As we walked through the town, her hand remained lingering around my arm.

"I never caught your name."

"Oh! My name is Lara. I'm sorry, it completely slipped my mind to tell you. I was just so excited to talk to someone new. We rarely get visitors here, the tunnel guards often scare people away." She added a slight skip to her walk when her voice raised, as though her joy and delight was too overwhelming to contain in her body. "So, what might the name of this brave traveler be?"

"Augustine."

"It suits you well."

We walked and talked for much longer than necessary. She asked how long I have been traveling and how I managed to get past the tunnel. I answered vaguely, careful to hide my circumstances from her as I entertained her with stories from my travels. She cheerfully introduced me to every person we encountered as we walked through the town. They were upbeat people, at ease and welcoming, each one kinder than the last. 

  For the first time in a very long time, I didn't feel the typical isolation and despair that normally envelopes me. Although my laughs felt awkward and out of place and my words sounded as if they were coming from another person, this feeling reminded me of family gatherings and the drinking games I would play with my close friends. After ten cold winters, I feel the warmth of spring penetrate my calloused skin. 

  "If I may ask, where is your final destination? Do you roam around or do you have somewhere you are trying to get to?" 

     "I'm making my way towards the town of Prelter. Although, I'm a bit lost on directions."

  She stopped in her tracks and pulled on my arms to turn me around to face her. She squeezed my hands and her face lit up, "You're in luck! This is Prelter!"

  The moment she said that I froze. My heart dropped and I felt regret and panic in all of my limbs. I faked a laugh, "Wow! No way! That's incredible." I gulped and turned myself back around and kept walking, faster this time. 

The rest of our trip to and from the market is now lost in obscurity. Lara took me back to her home, she told me that her family had an extra bed because her brother was out of town for a bit. She showed me around, but every detail escaped me. I clutched the prayer crystal I kept in my pocket, anxious to convene with my god. When Lara went to assist her mother with supper, I stepped outside.

Holding my prayer crystal, I called upon my god. At once, a surge of light erupted from the crystal and I felt his presence wash over me, bringing along the void that surrounds me when we speak. Before I could talk, I heard his loud, booming voice erupt from the ground, "You have come across your final destination. I see it all, you are nearing your ascension! This must be such a joyous moment!" His voice held excitement and a hint of relief.

  "I don't believe I can do this. This town, these people, they're all so kind." I pleaded. “I cannot find it in my heart to harm these good people."

The space around me turned into what seemed like a dust storm, only much more red and much more violent. "This is the path I have chosen for you. The path of an unrelenting warrior. A warrior who will set all of his personal qualms aside to follow me diligently!"

"But don't I have a choice?"

"No, you do not." His tone was nonchalant, as if he had nothing to lose and no worries in mind. "So long as you bear my mark, the one I have put on your arm, you will never be rid of me. And I will make your life a living hell If you do not follow me, if you do not do as I say. I will ruin you and make you wish you could die."

"Without this mark, would I still be immortal?" 

  "Yes. That gift did not come from within me, it came from the essence of the earth. But only I have the power to wield it. And with this knowledge, you shall know my true power, what separates me from the pack. If you follow my wisdom, you will see the world come to a place it should be."

   With haste, I pulled off my tunic and swiftly grabbed the hilt of my sharp sword as I placed my arm on a large rock before me. "Augustine?" The god called me out by name.

 With all of the power and strength I had in my body... "Augustine!" I brought my sword down to my arm, slicing quickly through muscle and skin until it hit bone. I yelled out in pain as the god pleaded with me. "You have no clue what a huge mistake you're making! You will be miserable for the rest of your life, I won't be here to heal you!"

"But I get to decide that! I want the power to decide when I'm miserable and what I do!" Gritting my teeth, I brought the sword up once more. The pain I felt was excruciating and my arm was much tougher to cut through than I expected. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. As this was happening, the god set a fire surrounding me, inching closer and closer with every breath I took.

  "You are taking all I have given you for granted!" Now, there was desperation in his voice that I have never heard before. I turned my face away and clenched my sword tightly with sweaty palms. I brought down the sword again, hitting more bone. The force of my swing bounced my sword back up, cutting me along my jaw.

"You have taken away my humanity!" I yelled at him from deep within me, a place I didn't know existed. I set my sword on the boulder before me and pulled out a serrated knife from my belt. The mark he burned through my upper arm ran through my muscle and bones, all the way to the other side of my arm, and I could see its deep, maroon  stain through my open wound. I wedged the knife into the gaping split in my arm and began sawing the bone.  "I will never forgive you!" The blood from my jaw was now dripping onto the ground where I was kneeling, falling onto my lower thigh and the dirt below me. I felt my right arm tire and ache and sting from the same place where I was amputating my left arm. With the awareness that I will never feel this arm tire and ache and sting ever again, I soaked in the grief as I began to lose sensation.

I cut and cut and cut as I heard the sound of the knife sawing away at the precious bone. "Augustine! No! I have no one else!" He cried out. "I had to destroy everyone before you! You are my last hope! You are the reason I risked everything I had to be able to wield the power of immortality!" His voice was becoming more and more desperate the further I cut through the bone. Still, I felt no hesitation. The further I cut, the closer I knew I was to freedom.

"You broke me, you broke..." I began losing breath. I spoke slowly and felt the vibration of my heavy voice in my throat. "You broke my will." The saliva welling up in my mouth was difficult to swallow with my dry throat. I felt the tension of the bone become weaker and weaker as I pushed through to the bottom. I threw my knife to the floor and for a moment I rested my forehead on the rock. My tears, sweat, and blood stained its cold surface.

"Augustine, you are all I have. You were the only candidate, we are fated! We are connected!" His voice became louder and more choked up with every word he spoke, and his pain echoed through my head. I lifted my head and picked up my sword.

    "Connected by what?" My voice was now low and steady, reflecting the resolve I held in my heart. I raised my bloody sword in the air and brought it down, now with more power and control than I knew I was capable of. My sword cut through and found a thick string in my arm, slicing it as though it was the string of a lute. My sobs grew louder and like a dog crying for help, I yelped and cried. "The only way you are connected to me is with the chains you are pulling me down with!"

    "Augustine! Don't throw away everything you have accomplished for me! Don't you see this pains me more than it pains you?" I shook off his words as the world around me grew more silent. All I could hear was the ringing in my ears and his voice that had taken root deep in my soul when he put this mark on me. I had now lost full feeling in my fingers, and with that it felt as though my hands dropped the chains I had been gripping on to for the past ten years. The chain that connected me and the god.

    "I'm sorry." I brought my sword up, steadying my vision and quickly analyzing the power and precision I needed to avoid doing any more damage than I had already done. The blood pouring out of me was split by my sword, paving my way to freedom. I brought the sword down, and this time the force from the sword bouncing back was stifled by the skin, muscle, and bone it met on the way out. "There is nothing I can say. You and I both know, what is done is done."

As I brought my sword up, I felt a sense of excitement, life, and joy pulse through my body. I brought the sword down for the last time, freeing myself from his grasp.

 I fell, and the dirt embraced me as the air around me returned to its lively self. I released my sword and reached out for my shirt. I pressed it against my empty arm. 

I heard insects singing, I heard the wind blowing; I heard the sounds of the earth celebrating my freedom. I took a deep, painful breath, and then I smiled.