Apologetic Irony

Apologetic Irony 

(This story contains mild swearing)

An unexpected letter arrived through Toney’s door. He didn’t recognise the handwriting? but he could see it was a personal handwritten letter to himself.

‘Who could be writing to him? and was it good or bad news?’ After all the only letters he tended to receive these days were bill related and boring. He was actually a little nervous and excited at the same time. 

He rubbed his thumb and finger together over both sides of the envelope feeling its thick strong crispy texture, hearing the quiet crinkly sound it made as he did so. 

He noticed there were small bumps and dents and a slightly softer feel to this off white almost cream coloured envelope, it seamed to have some kind of pattern to it, he believed it was a modern recycled quality paper that had been made with the environment in mind. Giving the impression it was from a kind and thoughtful person.

He pondered who he might know who would use this kind of paper to write him a letter. He couldn’t think of anyone, especially as most people either called or texted him these days.

Of course, he should probably open it to find out who had written to him, but he was savouring the mystery. 

His lips started to curve into a smile, then suddenly dropped back down as another thought crossed his mind. What if this letter wasn’t meant for him? He turned it over to see the front again, it had one of the new stamps with King Charles head, it felt strange and surreal to see this, his whole life he had seen stamps with the late Queen Elizabeth’s head on. He missed those stamps, for one thing, she had always been much prettier to look at. He chuckled to himself at that thought, then looked down to the address and started to read ‘Toney Smith, 9 Aston way, Southampton, Hampshire …’ 

yes this letter was meant for him, even though there could have been other Toney Smiths around, he was the only Toney smith at this house. 

He nodded to himself and thought as he flipped down the switch on the kettle to boil it, ‘right I’m going to get myself a cup of coffee and sit and reveal this mystery to myself.’ 

While the kettle was on he grabbed his favourite mug (The one that still had Queen Elizabeth on it), from the cupboard, a teaspoon from the drawer and the milk from the fridge. He added two spoonfuls of sugar, one heaped teaspoon of coffee (he liked it strong and sweet), and a small amount of milk to the mug, before putting the milk back in the fridge. 

His excitement and anticipation was building up inside, as he poured the hot water into the mug, gave it a stir then carried it over to the table where he had left the letter. Taking a sip of the hot coffee, as he walked over to it.

He sat on the kitchen chair at the table and put the steamy coffee mug onto the cup mat. 

He picked up the letter again with “here goes Lizzie, let’s see who this is from? wish me luck!”. He looked at the Queens smiling face on his mug, as he said this out loud.

He carefully unpeeled the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded letter. He opened up the paper and started to read through it, while holding it in one hand and grabbing his coffee to sip in the other, he read the following:-

‘Dear Toney,

I realise it’s been quite a few years and I’m sure you will have moved on in your life. 

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for what happened between us. I don’t blame you in the slightest, even if I did appear to at the time. I know it was wrong of me and I’m hoping by explaining to you, that you will be able to forgive me. 

It is my deepest regret, to have hurt you the way I did. We were young and foolish and it should never have happened.”

Toney stopped reading for a second, his brow furrowed in deep thought, about where this was going next. ‘Who had hurt him? How long ago? and had he already forgiven them and moved on with his life since? 

Surely whoever this was should have moved on too?’ Intrigued to find out more he carried on reading.

‘I was completely in the wrong, being drunk was no excuse for my behaviour, I should have had much more self control than I did. 

Not a day goes by when I don’t regret that night, it cost me greatly and I lost everything, when I lost you over it. 

I should never have got physical like I did, blaming him and blaming you was so wrong of me. 

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me Toney, I’ve never loved anyone like I loved and still do love you. 

I realise you will have no doubt found someone new to love you in all this time, and I don’t expect you to have forgiven me, I know I wouldn’t have forgiven me. 

However I still find myself hoping that you can forgive me, you was always the better person in our relationship. I’m hoping that we can talk this out together in person? 

If you are free to meet up. Please can I request you to come and meet me at ‘Roosters bakery’ on the high street on Saturday 30th November at 11.30am, I’ll be waiting at table number 3 for you until 12.30pm. 

I hope you can find it in your heart to come along and let me apologise properly to you. I miss you more than you know. 

Still forever yours 

Love Chris xx’

Toney’s heart, sped up at the name. Pumping so hard he could feel it in his head, as anger took over and he remembered how she had hurt him. He heard himself say out loud;

“Yeah you got physical all right! you cost me my best friend bitch” Toney said to the letter. Physically shaking at the buried memory.

Chris had been his first love, 20 years ago. He had fallen hard and fast. 

She had hurt him much deeper then he had let on, at the time when he found out she had slept with his best friend Dave. 

He was so livid with anger and agony over it all that he had appeared very calm and cold hearted on the surface. While his blood boiled, rapidly raising into his throat ready to explode from his voice box like lava bubbling at the top of a volcano. 

Torn directly in two, It had really stung like a never ending hornets sting, when he had confronted them both. 

Dave had gone as white as a freshly washed sheet and she had gone beetroot red in the face.

Dave had come out with some bullshit about not being able to control himself anymore, having had a crush on her himself, completely forgetting the bro code. 

She had come out with utter crap about not thinking straight due to being drunk, and how Dave had been there for her when Toney hadn’t, and the whole thing had just unintentionally happened. 

Toney himself being beyond deeply hurt, feeling utterly used and destroyed by the double betrayal, had let his anger speak for him when he had coldly stated.

“well I guess that’s all ok then isn’t it? 

You couldn’t control your dick, and she was drunk and lonely because I wasn’t THERE for her. 

So I’ll make this easy on all of us shall I? 

“you pack your shit and get out of our flat and she can help you find somewhere to live, hell! you could probably even get yourselves a shagnest together. 

Happy humping and good luck!”

He’d then, walked away and not spoken to either of them since. 

Now 20 years on his heart had once again been stabbed, stretched twisted and split into pieces, over the memory. 

He considered whether he actually wanted to meet up with her after all this time? He decided it definitely wouldn’t be a good idea, but then the curiosity got the better of him. So he decided he needed to meet up, if for nothing more than to get closure for himself.

 ***

Saturday arrived quite rapidly. He still wasn’t sure it was a good idea to meet Chris again, but he also wanted to hear what she had to say for herself. He wanted to torture himself further, to know if her and Dave were still a thing, and if it had all been worth the betrayal and heartaches.

He arrived a little early to Roosters, and saw there wasn’t many people in. He noticed there was a man sat at table 3 with a bouquet of flowers. ‘Someone has a date’ he thought to himself. He didn’t want to disturb him, so walked over to the table next to him and sat there to wait instead. 

He figured he would be able to recognise her, and she would probably recognise him too. In the meantime he was near enough to table 3, to either move over, when the guys date arrived or wave to her, if she realised the other guy wasn’t him? That was a big point, it had been 20 years what if neither him nor Chris recognised each other? People did change after all, but then would she really have changed that much? he didn’t think he had. 

He ordered a coffee while he waited, pondering over how much either of them could have or would have actually changed.

Half an hour went by, the time was now 11.50am and she still hadn’t arrived. Of all the days to be late, maybe she’d chickened out? He thought ‘Typical of her she always had made him chase her, well not this time if she didn’t arrive in the next twenty minutes he was going to go. For now he’d grab another coffee and wait a little longer. 

As the waitress was bringing his coffee back, he noticed the guy on table 3 with his flowers, was also still waiting for his date. Thinking to himself ‘poor dude’. Table 3 was checking his watch, ‘looks like he’s been stood up too!’ He thought to himself. ‘Must be something in the air’. He gave him a sympathetic nodded smile. 

The guy gave a weak smile in return then looked down to his watch again, shaking his head to himself. 

Toney decided he should go over and keep him company while they both waited. 

“Mind if I sit here for a minute?, my date is late, I’m starting to think I’ve been stood up” Toney asked.

“sure”, it doesn’t look like mines gonna show up at all!” The guy replied.

“Sorry to hear that mate!” Toney wasn’t sure what else to say. 

The other guy continued. “It’s my own fault really I suppose, I’m not sure it was a good idea to ask her to come and meet me after all this time” the guy said. 

Toney frowned a little, there really must be something in the air. Two long lost reunions in the same bakery what were the odds?. 

“How long has it been?” He asked

“Must be about 20 years? give or take, I expect she got married, had kids, she did want them after all, even though I didn’t.” Toney went to speak but the guy carried on ;

“that was one of the reasons she left me, that and the fact I got a bit physical when I was drunk that night!” The other guy stated, after a brief pause he continued “I know I was wrong, I lost it before giving her a chance to defend herself against the rumour that she was cheating on me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not generally a violent guy and I’m not blaming the drink either. But I should never have hit her, even though it was only the once. I’ve never hit anyone else ever, nor would I! I think my drink got laced with something? Or maybe I just drank too much, but it’s the fact she never gave me the chance to explain afterwards. 

“Which I don’t blame her for, I was the one in the wrong, there was no justification for my over reaction to a mere rumour. It lost me the best thing that I ever had in my life, her! 

“she just left and blocked me after saying ‘I guess this is goodbye then.”

Toney wasn’t sure how to respond on the one hand, it was never right to hit a woman, on the other having your drink laced with something, if he really wasn’t the violent type could have caused a violent reaction in the guy. He finally found his voice to respond with,

“That’s heartbreaking mate! Maybe she was too scared to come and face you? But also tough break.” Toney empathised, patting him on his shoulder. 

“Oh I agree, I was just hoping she’d feel safe enough to come to a public place to talk and let me finally explain, but I guess not. It’s a shame really.  

“ironically Toney was always the one to be the peace maker for everyone she knew, explanations were always her thing.

“That’s why I found out her address, and sent her a letter with a part apology, so she’d know I meant it. the amount of times she’d say ‘Chris just…’ Before he could finish, Toney realised what had happened.

“Wait go back, did you say your name was Chris? And you sent your girl who’s called Toney? an apology letter, to meet you here? was the meeting to be here at table 3 by any chance?”.

“Yeah I told her I’d be waiting at table 3, even got her these flowers, wait how did you know I’d said we should meet at table 3?”

“Aaaahhh dude, I think we’ve both been waiting for the same girl” Toney started laughing. 

Chris looked baffled 

“what do you mean?”

“Well..” Toney started, holding out his hand to Chris.

“I’m Toney! and I received a letter from my ex the other day. I think you sent your Toney’s letter to me and I thought I was meeting my ex Christine, here at table 3 today at 11.30 for her apology to me for actually cheating on me”. 

Chris took Toney’s outstretched hand and shook it. He started to grin at the revelation, picking up the bouquet he placed it in Toney’s other hand and said with a chuckle, 

“Well then I guess these flowers are yours, fancy a beer at weather-spoons?”.

“Why Thank-you, they’re lovely” Toney fluttered his eyelashes at Chris jokingly, while adding,

“I’d love a beer”. They both broke into fits of laughter over the fact neither of them had actually been stood up, but instead were waiting for each other, for the last hour. 

“Maybe, we could grab lunch with that beer?” Toney asked? Turning towards the door to leave. 

“Anything the lady desires” Chris responded, placing his arm around Toney’s shoulder with a soft pat on the back, as they left through the door still laughing together. 

The end