Three Weeks of Sleeplessness

Dear Diary,

Once again it's two am and I am wide awake. I decided to document all the things that I have tried and the result of these remidies, starting with today, Sunday. I will use the following format for easy reference. 

Day

Insomnia Remedy

Results

Sunday

Counting sheep

I counted over five thousand sheep and became bored beyond belief. Sleep eluded me so I started over with number one. I finally fell asleep at 9:00 AM

Monday

Glass of warm milk

I was overcome with anxiety because I did not brush my teeth after drinking the milk.  I pictured my next visit with the dentist. My dentist gave me the bad news, I had cavities in all my teeth. Extraction was the only option. I would never be able to eat a steak or an apple again. I took a short nap during work because I was exhausted after being up all night.

Tuesday

Glass of warm milk, followed by brushing my teeth

I spent several hours running my tongue over my teeth and admiring the fresh minty flavor. In the morning I was exhausted and brushed my teeth again before I went to work. I took a long lunch so I could get some sleep.

Wednesday

Lavender tea

I felt so restless after drinking a cup that I decided to drink it instead of coffee the next morning. I felt more energized than usual but by noon I needed to rest.

Thursday

Camille tea

I felt very sleepy after I finished my cup. I walked into the bedroom and climbed into bed and proceeded to stare at the clock for the next six hours.

Friday

White wine

The wine was delicious so I had three glasses. Before I knew it I was calling my ex. He did not appreciate the call.

Saturday

Red wine

I limited myself to one glass. I called a late-night radio show to discuss politics, the disc jockey informed me that my number would be blocked in the future. Then he hung up.

It has been a week of sleepless nights; I am barely functioning during the day. My boss started asking me if I was having trouble at home.

Sunday

Rum and cola

I put in an exercise video and worked off some energy before going to bed and staring at the alarm clock.

Monday

Whiskey and caffeine-free cola

I sat on the back porch and counted stars until the sun came over the horizon. There are a lot of beautiful stars. I should get a book on the constellations.

Tuesday

Vodka and Orange Juice

I spent the next three hours googling the pros and cons of orange juice versus grapefruit juice. Orange juice has more natural sugar and many people find the taste more pleasant. I drank some grapefruit juice but added sugar, negating the advantage of fewer calories.

Wednesday

Melatonin supplements

The instructions said to take thirty to sixty minutes before bedtime. I followed the instructions precisely and ended up vacuuming my entire house. It has never been so clean.

Thursday

Deep breathing and slow breathing exercises.

I hope that I have developed some exceptional lung capacity with all of the deep breathing. In addition to the deep and slow breathing, I also tried holding my breath. At the start of the night, I was able to hold my breath for five seconds. Five hours later, I was able to hold my breath for one minute and thirty seconds. I am impressed with the improvement.

Friday

Warm bath

This remedy came highly recommended. I could not fall asleep but at least I am clean.

Saturday

Soothing ambient Sounds

I tried a waterfall and when that didn't work I tried the babbling brook. I picture myself drowning as I went over Niagara Falls. I remember reading about people who went over the Falls in a barrel. I wonder where they got the barrel.

It has been two weeks of sleepless nights. My pillow is not as big as the bags under my eyes. My boss wants to talk about my performance.

Sunday

Total Darkness

I replace my stylish silk drapes with blackout curtains. The faint glow of the street lights is no longer visible. I removed the night light in the hallway as well. I stubbed the large toe on my left foot when I got up to use the bathroom and stubbed the little toe on my right foot when I got up for a drink of water. I am grateful that I did not break my leg.

Monday

Night lights with a soothing blue glow

I imagined aliens had landed and the blue glow was from their spaceship. After checking the house for intruders five times, I put the soothing night lights in the trash. I replace the original night light in the hall.

Tuesday

Lavender sachet under my pillow

I should have realized this remedy would fail after the debacle with the lavender tea. I went to work more energized than I had in a long time, but I fell asleep at my desk at ten o'clock.

Wednesday

Watch documentary

This method should have worked because I chose something that I find very boring. I watched the life cycle of the tsetse fly that inhabits tropical Africa. The fly causes Sleeping Sickness and I was sure that I would get sleepy just by watching. Instead, I developed the other symptoms of headache, itchiness, confusion and poor coordination. I could blame my trouble sleeping on the tsetse fly but I already had that symptom. Now I have a great respect for the people who live with these pests.

Thursday

Sleeping Pill

I have been afraid to take this medication because one of the side effects is grogginess during the day. I finally realize that I have been bleary at work anyway so I might as well take the medication. I do not get any sleep this night but my doctor suggests trying the prescription for three days.

Friday

Sleeping Pill

I do not get any sleep and I am tired all day.

Saturday

Sleeping Pill

Sleep still eludes me. I think a lifestyle change might be the answer and change my working hours. I will work the late-night shift and sleep during the day.

Dear Diary,

It is now Sunday night and I need to go to work in half an hour. Usually, I have no problem taking a nap during the day but today I was wide awake. I am probably too nervous about my new job. 

Diary, I would write more but I can't keep my eyes open. . .