Brightest Star

My mother was the brightest star to ever walk the planet. She as well admired the other star that shined but not as bright, the sun. She used to wake up extra early just to see it rise. She would go in my room and wake me up. She would carry me in her arms and take me to our porch. We would sit on the wooden rocking chair together and she'd smile as the sun came out.

She loved the beautiful colors. The shades of orange, pink and yellow made my mother's face light up. "Milo, I am as the sun", she would say. "I rise and I fall. But in the end I will rise once more."

She passed away years ago, cancer. Through all the chemo, radiation and the pain she rose and fell. But in the end she didn't rise. She fell, hard. Ultimately, she never became like the sun. Although she was gone, I still woke up everyday before the sun just to see it rise. It was something I became accustomed to.

Today the sky was bright shades of orange, her favorite. My mother would tell me that when she died I could see her in the sky. Even though I never saw her, I knew she was there. And I would talk to her.

I took a seat on the rocking chair, coffee cup in hand. "Hi mom. Just found out I got accepted to Brown, I start in the fall. Thought you should know. Dad still thinks I should stop doing this, talking to you. He feels it isn't good for me. But to be honest, this is the only thing keeping me sane."

I take a deep breath, taking a sip of my coffee. "Stacy misses you. She always says you were the mom she never had. She got a volleyball scholarship to Brown. I guess we won't be apart. I don't know how but you were always right about her. You always she'd be my first love. And she is. She is so much more than that."

It was 8:00 am. Soon I would have to get ready for graduation. Today I get my diploma, something I know she would've love to be here for. She always said she couldn't wait to see me one the stage, shaking my principal's hand as he passed me the piece of paper that meant I accomplished something great.

The front door opens and closes, "Morning bud."

"Morning dad."

"Talking to your mom?"

"Yeah..."

I was closer to mom than I ever was with dad. She was the one who spent more time with me. Always read me her favorite books. Anything Shakespeare, Emily Dickinson, Edgar Allen Poe and Jane Austen. After she'd read to me she would say "Literature is the most interesting and significant expressions of humanity". She taught me everything I know. The person I am today is because of her.

"The sky's beautiful today, don't you think?"

"It's because of her. Marie makes the sky look extraordinary."

I look at him surprised and a smile forms on my face. He never talked about her. Her death affected him a lot.He lost his job because he wouldn't show up. He stayed in bed all day, he wouldn't eat. The only thing that did help was therapy.

He sits on the bench next to me, letting the morning wind wake him up. His face lights up and then his smile fades. "I'm sorry bud."

I look at him confused, "Sorry? For what dad?"

"Sorry for not being there. For telling you to stop talking to her. That wasn't fair of me."

"It's okay..."

"No, it's not. I lost my wife, my best friend. But you lost your mom. You were so young."

"You were hurting, I knew."

His mouth opens, as to say something but the knot in his throat stops him from saying a word. He looks down, "I go to her grave", his eyes tear up. "I go to her grave every year. On her birthday, our anniversary, mother's day, on your birthday. To talk to her. Tell her about you, about us, about life."

"I never knew. You barely talk to me about her"

"I've kept it a secret. I didn't want to seem like a hypocrite. I always made you feel bad for talking to her, when I was doing the same. I guess it was because I hated the fact that she's gone."

"Dad... she was your world. And you lost that. I would never judge you. I don't know how I would react if I lost Stacy."

"Yeah but you shouldn't have to pay for my pain. I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

He smiles, "So... you excited for Brown?"

"Yeah I guess", I sip my coffee.

"What's wrong with Brown? It's a good school, and Stacy will be there."

"I know but I don't wanna leave mom."

"Bud, the sky is everywhere. No matter where you are she's there."

"What about you?"

He smiles shaking his head, "I'll be fine. You can visit me on breaks. You've always put other first before yourself. Think about you for once."

Even if my dad told me not to, I always worried about him. I was the only thing he had. I didn't want him to feel alone. I wanted him to know I would never leave him. That I'd always be with him.

"Yeah...", I nod my head. "I guess sometimes I just forget."

"I know bud, I know", he shakes my hair making me laugh.

"I'm not 10 anymore dad."

"You will always be my bud, no matter how old you get."

We look at the sun once last time. It warms our faces as we smile. And just for a moment I think I can hear mom. And she's saying what she always said, "Milo I am as the sun. In the day it shines as bright as it can, providing for everyone. And even in the night when you can no longer see it. That does not mean it isn't there. Even after I am gone, I will always be with you."