I wanted to marry my college girlfriend

The title says it all. There was a point in my life when I wanted to marry my college girlfriend, and a point she probably wanted to marry me. My current girlfriend and hopefully soon to be fiance believes I didn't see a future with her; and it's a secret I'll take to my grave.

It started my senior year. My girlfriend at the time, Christina and I had been dating for about 3 years. I met her my freshman year at a dorm party and after 6 months of occasional hook ups, I worked up the nerve to ask her out. In the beginning it was wonderful. She was my first serious partner and I hers. We were the couple that other friends envied. In the turbulent world of college dating, we were solid as a rock.

That changed our senior year. Following a long search for a job leading to my graduation I was given a lone offer halfway across the country. Christina, on the other-hand was an excellent student and had a masters program lined up since the previous summer. I felt forced to accept my only job, and it was too late to apply elsewhere. There was an artificial end date on our relationship and we began to act as such.

I had started questioning my decision to stay in a relationship my entire college career. Christina had gone cold, often becoming completely quiet whenever anyone brought up the future. By the time graduation came, I was ready to be single, and I imagine she was as well. She drove me quietly to the airport with my suitcase, with sniffles being the only break in the solemn silence.

We had talked about staying friends, and who knows what happens in the future, but we knew it was the end. Within 2 weeks I was partying and dating, hardly talking to her as we promised we would. After 2 months I became increasingly home sick. I had friends but none close, and the girls I talked to I didn't connect with like I did with Christina. Like so many post-grads, I missed my college life.

I began trying to re-engage with Christina via text and call. I could tell she did not want to talk but the neglect only made me try harder. Months went by where Christina would respond to my paragraph long messages with a few words 2 days later. It was sad, I was sad.

Things came to a head during my first homecoming weekend. I could not wait to see my friends, my college, and my ex-girlfriend. I asked her to pick me up at the airport, she refused. I asked her to meet me at a tailgate, she said she was busy. I invited her to our mutual friend's house party, and she reluctantly told me she was planning to attend.

I drank like I was a freshman given his first taste of freedom. By 11 pm I was to drunk to remember a thing. I woke up on my buddy's couch at 8 am, still too drunk to appreciate the hangover I was about to experience. Checking my phone I saw a text from Christina at 1:30 am. "Text me when you wake up and we can talk."

My stomach dropped. What did I do? Did I say the magical words to get a second chance or make a fool of myself. You can guess what happened. My friend came out and informed me of my embarrassing night. After continuingly chasing her around, I told all our friends how I needed their help to win her back. After hours of this, my friend was able to get me home.

I reluctantly set a time to talk to her, knowing it would be the last. We met at a coffee shop. She was quiet and somber just as she was a the end of our senior year. I tried my best to put on a happy face. She said she was talking to someone else and it was time for me to move on. I protested. Why couldn't she see what I saw. A new beginning. A future of a more mature us and a bond that could withstand and obstacle.

She was firm, but comforting. "You'll be ok," she said. "I know you, you'll find someone better for me than I ever was." The words rang hollow. She left and I cried. I never spoke to her again.

She was right though. I moved on. I moved back to my college town and found who I think is the love of my life. We've been dating for a year and a half and I'm as happy as I've ever been. It wasn't easy. Bad dates, lonely nights, and questions on if I'd die single filled my thoughts for years.

Yet here I am. Stronger because of my experience and confident in my decisions. I learned something valuable from Christina. If something is worth fighting for you find a way to make it work. She wasn't right for me, nor I for her. When I think about her from time to time, I hope she's happy. I wonder how her life is progressing, but not wanted to call to find out. Some things are better left in the past.

I'm saving up for an engagement ring. My girlfriend and I are planning a trip to Iceland in 6 months and I want to propose to her then. She knows about my previous relationship, but not my time trying to win her back. It's the only secret I keep from her, and I don't think there's any reason I should tell.