Great Uncle Jeff

As Julian wakes up naked and alone in a stranger’s bed, the smell of bacon filled his nostrils. He immediately jolts out of bed in search of a toilet to puke in. After the last of last night’s shots emptied from Julian’s stomach. He crawled to find his clothes. As he was slipping on his shoes he heard, “Good morning cutie!” from the doorway. Julian froze and studied the half-naked man in front of him. He blanks of this one night stand’s name. “I have eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee ready for you”, says the boy with no name. Julian smiles and replies, “So sorry, I am a vegetarian and very late for a meeting with my mom.” With that Julian kisses the man and runs out the front door. 

On the street, Julian sends a text to his best friend Sierra, “OMG! Just woke up next to the hot redhead from the bar last night. He tried to feed me bacon.” Then he made his way to a corner coffee shop. While in line, Sierra messages back, “Awe, Luke!? He is such a hottie. Julies, tell me you DID NOT bail out on him.” Julian just replies with a devil emoji as he grabs his order. He then checks the time to find out he has four hours until his shift at job number two. So, he heads home to sleep. 

At 2:oopm, Julian clocks in at K (for kale), NYC’s vegan oasis eatery. He has three tables sat within twenty minutes of his shift starting. Salad after kale wrap is brought out until his break at 7:oopm. He munches on a salad while scrolling through social media. Then he checks his phone to find a message from Sierra, “Yo! You got some creepy looking letter addressed to you.” Then he notices a picture included of what looks like a Hogwarts letter with a wax seal of a pig sealing it. He notices the sender either, “Estate of Jeff Darhem”. Julian searches his memory of any Jeff Darhem and finds nothing. Before he can ponder much longer, his timer goes off signifying that his break is over. After his shift is over, Julian returns home and is greeted by Sierra. The two decide to spend the rest of their Sunday night watching Say Yes to the Dress and drinking wine. 

In the morning, Sierra is putting her lunch together as she reminds Julian about the creepy letter. He opens the letter and laughs. Sierra, now very curious, asks him what is so funny. “Pretty sure this is some scam. It is a letter telling me my great uncle “Jeff Darhem” has died and his “team” requested to speak to me. Such bull shi-”, but before he can finish, Sierra cuts him off. “HOLD UP! This could be real and worth like a million dollars!”. Julian rolls his eyes and hits her with, “Who sends a letter like this? Call me or send a text.” Then Sierra takes a turn rolling her eyes. As she walks out the door she turns back to say, “Have fun at your boring laundry job where you fold sheets all day. You never know you might be able to quit and live in the castle of uncle Jeff.” Julian flicks her off and responds with, “Have fun at your corporate soul-sucking job, where you have to get everyone coffee all day.” They smile and part ways. 

As Julian is on load ten or eleven of laundry at job number one, a hotel, he keeps thinking about the letter. Could it be true? It is not like he could call up his parents to ask them if he truly has a great uncle named Jeff. He then wipes sweat from his brow and continues the never-ending of washing, drying, then folding of the hotel bedding. Julian can not help but start to daydream of getting millions of dollars and leaving these crummy jobs behind. Once he gets off, he rushes home to shower. While in the shower, Julian can not help but think of two things. One, that he does not want to work his double shift at the restaurant tomorrow. Two, was there a number on the letter? He can not remember the details as he was quick to laugh the letter off. So, he finishes his shower, dries off, throws on a shirt and boxers, then heads to fetch the letter. 

As Sierra opens the door to the apartment, Julian is on his third glass of wine. “Long day?”, she asks. “So, what if I told you I called the number on this letter and they want me to go to some backwoods town in North Carolina to see what my uncle left me? Plus, they will pay for everything”. Sierra then pours a glass of wine, clearly pondering the question. “Well, when do we leave!?” she says as she slams her hand on the kitchen counter. Julian rolls his eyes and laughs, “It is not that easy, I can’t just leave and miss work like that.” Sierra tells him that he needs to tell them that a family member has died and he needs to leave for a few days. Julian reminders her that even with that, a great uncle that he did not even know about would sound sketchy. “Tell them your dad or mom passed,” Sierra tells him. “I can’t I’ve used that story a few times now”, Julian then stops to think. His mind is made up and he is ready to risk it all. They began to pack.

The next day, Julian and Serria sit first class on the plane. Julian feels like this is all a dream or a cruel joke. Sierra reminds him that this is his life now, as she downs her third mimosa. It is a short flight and when they exit the plane into the crowd of people, they see a sign with Julian’s name on it held by a driver. “Is this how Beyonce feels?” Sierra laughs. They hop into the car and are told they have a 2-hour drive ahead of them. Julian then gets a strange feeling in his gut and turns to Sierra, “What if this is a scam? They are taking us to some strange small town to murder us.” Sierra laughs, “Don’t even. I googled uncle Jeff and it is legit. He is the owner of a farm that supplies to a bunch of restaurants. He is worth like thirteen million, well you are worth thirteen million, maybe.” Julian fakes a smile and looks out the window. 

They arrive at a beautiful white plantation-style home. On the way, they passed miles of farm animals and open fields. Sierra is hesitant to get out of the car and looks at Julian, “Um. If this turns into a Get Out situation, please save me.” Julian assures her that they can leave right now. She thinks about it, but then curiosity gets the best of her. They get out of the car and make their way up to the front door. It opens and a tall man dressed in an all-white suit steps out. “Don’t worry about your bags, come in quickly!” They exchange a look as the man herds them into the house. The interior matches the exterior of the home. Old, but beautiful. The man looks at Julian, “Welcome Julian, please follow me to the office so we can get down to business.” He leads them both to a burgundy painted office with a huge dark wooden desk. The man motions for them to sit as he takes a seat behind the desk. 

“Julian, this is all yours”, he starts and Julian is at a loss for words. “It took us some time to find you. Not easy to find an orphan, but we have an excellent team. Your great uncle Jeff was your mother’s uncle. He passed four months ago and in his will, he left everything to you. Just need you to sign this paperwork.” The man then pulls out a stack of documents needing Julian’s signature. Julian is silent for a moment then asks, “What is the catch? Why would some person, family or not, leave me this house.” The man cackles, “Oh dear boy, it is more than this house. This is just one of many that your Jeff owned. He has a unique farm that provides so many restaurants the best of the best.” 

“A unique farm?”, Julian starts, “Please tell me that is plant-based. The sight of meat or even the thought of slaughtering innocent animals makes me want to vomit.” The man shakes his head, “It’s meat, but what makes is unique is-.” Julian gets up and thanks the man for his time. Sierra turns to him, “Julian, wait. Think of the money. You would be set, you don’t have to eat the meat.” Julian stops and shakes his head, “No, I can’t do it. I just can’t.” The man then stands up from the desk and commands the room. “There is one catch. The uniqueness of this farm.” Both Sierra and Julian are puzzled and stare blankly at the man. He continues, “Along with the farm, we provide a service. One that adds an extra special ingredient to our meat.” Julian looks in disgust, “WHAT? What do you mean?!” The man stares deeply at Julian and tells him to sit back down, but Julian refuses and demands an answer. 

The man crosses the room to the window. He looks out for a moment then turns back to Julian, “Have you ever had an enemy? Or someone you hated so much you would pay anything to have them gone?” Julian’s mouth drops and he sits back down. Sierra asks, “what are you saying?!”. Then man grins and replies, “No point in keeping any more secrets. We provide a service to those who have an issue with someone. They pay us. We take them out. Then the remains are mixed into our famous pulled pork.” Julian looks around the room and then starts to laugh, “This is a joke right?” The man smiles and walks over to a table at the back of the office. He motions to it and tells his guest, “Seems like you have some thinking to do, have some tea.” He then leaves the room.   

Sierra jumps up and starts to pace, “This is crazy.” Julian is baffled. Sierra continues, “This is unreal.” She makes her way over to the tea and pours two cups. Julian speaks with a shaky voice, “I can’t do this. I could never allow animals to get slaughtered and certainly can’t do that to humans. This has to be a joke, right? We should call the police!” Sierra sits down and hands him his tea and takes a sip of hers before she speaks again. “Yes, this is crazy, but let’s not piss off Mr. Man and become barbeque. Let’s just sip some tea and kill some time, then you can tell him that you are not the right person for the job. Then we call the police!” Julian agrees with her and sips his tea. He can not believe this is happening. He goes to stand, but the man in all white comes back into the room. “Have you made a decision?” Julian goes to talk but feels very light-headed. Suddenly the room starts to become blurry. Sierra sets her tea down and stands up. 

“Don’t worry Jules, it will be over in a few minutes”, Sierra says as looking down at him. Julian shakes his head and starts to cry. Sierra smiles, “Julian I would like you to meet the person that my corporate job makes me get coffee for every day, Mr. Jeff Darhem.” The man in white, Mr. Darhem, smiles at Julian and nodes. Sierra continues, “Looks like I have earned my promotion! So for that, thank you, Julian. Three years ago a pathetic orphan who is afraid to let anyone in came to me. At first, I wanted to be real friends, but then this opportunity at work came up.” Julian feels like the room is spinning slowly now. He can not move and tears come out harder. Sierra leans into him, “ You could have joined me, but no, you are too worried about people’s feelings. Humans suck. We are providing the world with a great service. We weed out the bad seeds. If you truly cared about feelings you would not run through men as you do. You would not lie about her family, hell you don’t even know who they are.” Julian then drops to the floor, gasping for air. Again, Sierra leans into him, “Shhhh. Poor Jules, you need time to marinate and we are the BEST at that. You’ll be next week’s lunch special.”