Hope

The crimson colour of newborn sunlight accentuated the nine-month lump in Elsie’s belly. Twelve whole minutes, she counted, had passed since her last contraction; enough time for her husband, Caleb, to get into his best three-piece suit. She vowed never to lack appreciation for those candid moments in which nature did its job without causing her excruciating pain, and she would have done so if not for her husband’s stubbornness.

“I just don’t know why you can’t take a break.” She said.

His eyes barely diverted from his undone necktie. From behind, his well-groomed suit and confident posture told the story of a promising businessman, and yet the wrinkles that ran deep through his underlined eyes told one of a different nature.

Thirteen minutes passed.

“We’ve been through this already, Els. This promotion, ’ll double my salary and we’ll finally be able to leave this tiny flat, you know, raise our little girl in a proper house in the suburbs. It’ll change our lives.”

A new house sounded nice, like a dream almost, one in which faulty pipes and loud neighbours were no longer a part of. But that’s all it was, a dream, words empty of meaning as if uttered in a childish attempt at self-soothing.

Fourteen minutes passed.

“And what’s next? You’ll become the president? World domination? What about us?” She insisted, her tone slightly raised.

“Well, in a few months I’ll be the chief adviser, rising little by little until I run that whole goddamn thing,” he replied, his voice as calm as ever, “and then, our beautiful girl won’t have to worry about a thing.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that the office is going nowhere — but I am.”

“Come on, Els, that’s just the hormones talking.”

Fifteen minutes passed.

Elsie composed herself as though not to cause a scene in the early hours of the morning. “I’ve been meaning to tell y-”

A gush of pain streamed through her stomach as though a boulder had just fallen from a thousand miles high directly onto her lower abdomen.

Her husband leapt halfway across the room and caressed their soon-to-be daughter over Elsie’s belly button. “Els, are you okay?” He asked, his eyes opened wide and fidgeting from side to side, so much so that she almost believed he thought of anything but work.

It lasted no longer than thirty seconds, although she could’ve sworn it felt like having every organ below her heart experiencing catastrophic failure for an eternity. She laid on her side, facing away from Caleb and said, her voice brittle, “J-Just g. Don’t y-you have a promotion to get?.

“Okay listen, let me make it up to you. How long has it been since our last date night? Two? Three years—”

“Four.”

“Right, four years. How about we end that streak tonight? I’ll pick you up at seven and we’ll go to that sushi place you love, N-Na-Naka—”

“Nakazawa.”

“Right, that one, sounds like a plan to me.” Caleb finished, kissing her on the lips before leaving. It was a goodbye kiss, a gotta-go smooch without context or meaning behind it, the type of affection she had gotten used to over the years, without feeling, without substance.

***

Caleb’s co-workers congratulated him as he made his way out of the building. Empty words no doubt, he thought. Regardless, he’d gotten the promotion he’d wanted since he joined the company, a few steps closer to the future he always envisioned.

The sky was tainted black and the stars hid behind enormous skyscrapers that got lost in even darker clouds. It’d been long since he last saw the stars, he thought. The streets, however, were as colourful and lively as ever, with crowds swarming restaurants and cars herding behind bright headlights although the thick haze made it hard to see past a certain point.

His phone buzzed. 9 p.m it showed in bald numbers. Eleven missed calls and twice as many text messages. Crap, he thought. He rushed through the streets, bumping into several passersby in the process. His phone buzzed once more. It was Elsie.

“Before you say anything, I’m sorry. I got carried away at work. But, hey! I got the promotion! Anyway, I’m running home, I hope you got your best dress out!”

“Don’t bother,” Elsie responded, her voice clearly angered, “I’m right across the street.” She hung up.

Caleb looked back, then to his left, then to his right, and finally across the road, there she was, her blonde hair damped by the humidity, barely visible through the misty mantle. She flounced toward him, gripping a set of wrinkled papers in her right hand. Something wasn’t right, he could tell.

The horn of a moving car bounced throughout the busy street, he searched for its origin. In the exact time it took him to blink, the sound of tires screeching through the wet concrete echoed within his head. He opened his eyes, the city had stopped, and so did his heart. Elsie was no longer at arm’s length but five, perhaps six, feet to his left, laying on the sidewalk under the bright light of a lamppost.

“No… No, no, no, this can’t be happening,” he tried to convince himself as he sprinted towards her. “Call an ambulance!” He yelled onto the crowd.

Vivid red decorated the moistened pavement where she laid, motionless. Her hair frolicked on her face, it looked like she was asleep, he wished she was.

“Come on, Els, not like this,” he wept, his hand resting gently on their baby’s nest, “I need you, we need you.”

It took no longer than five minutes for the sirens to furnish the streets — although he could’ve sworn they took an eternity. Within seconds the paramedics had already placed her on a stretcher, an oxygen mask lunged into her mouth. He looked at the man in the driver seat of the car that had caused this, he seemed unscathed as if nothing happened, for a moment he wished it not to be true and that they’d just leave him there, but abandoned that thought as he mounted with the other paramedics.

The dull light of the ambulance illuminated Elsie’s face, still as beautiful as ever, but lifeless. Caleb wanted to pick her up, tell her to snap out of it, he wanted to tell her he loved her, that he was sorry and another million things he hadn’t said enough.

“Please save her, save them, you’ve got to save them,” he begged the paramedics. The lady across from him nodded and smiled. Clearly a fake smile, he thought, one trained to be shown in the direst of situations but that invoked no relief.

***

Caleb’s hands shook to the rhythm of the lone scintillating light in the ceiling as he held to the wrinkled papers his wife so fiercely gripped before the crash, now tainted with sprinkles of dried blood. Divorce, read the bold title. A million questions crossed his mind, none of which he was sure he wanted the answers to — perhaps he already had them.

Two hours passed.

His feet jigged impatiently in the waiting room. Across from him, an old lady cried, she’d been like that since he arrived. Next to the vending machine in the corner, a man, about the same age as Caleb was, he figured, paced back and forth nervously. To his left, a young boy rested on his mother’s lap, a needle tied to a bag filled with transparent liquid perforated his arm, he seemed calm, somewhat between being awake and deeply asleep.

Three hours passed.

A young lady sat to his right. She was wearing a white beanie and a light blue hospital gown. She held a poorly kept copy of The Divine Comedy in one of her hands. He noticed a pale dressing encircling part of her forearm, barely noticeable within her discoloured skin. Her face was gaunt, with barely anything in between her cheeks and her defined jawline.

“It’ll be fine,” she said cheerfully. Her smile rejoiced the weakness of her body.

“Huh?”

“Whatever you’re going through, it’ll be fine.”

“Right…” Caleb murmured.

The girl extended her palm, her smile seemed to have gotten even bigger, and said, “Hi, I’m Trixie, but all my friends call me Trix.”

Caleb avoided eye contact. “Sorry, Trixie,” he said, “not the right time.”

Four hours passed.

A nurse emerged from one of the many hallways, her face looked distressed as if she were about to break him the exact news he didn’t want to hear. Caleb sprung onto his feet haphazardly. He held his hands together to prevent them from shaking as drops of cold sweat ran down his forehead. Each step the nurse took felt like a thousand needles being forced against his skin. She finally came to a stop about seven feet away from him by the old lady that, by that point, seemed to have run out of tears. They talked for a while, it seemed like a dragged out conversation, one that, at each word, seemed to take a toll on both of them.

“This is never easy to watch,” Trixie said, tenderly, her eyes fixated on the two women.

“What?”

A loud thud echoed through the walls of the waiting room. Caleb looked over once more. The old lady had fallen on her knees, her eyes showed a blank expression as if a void had consumed them. The nurse helped her up and kept talking. Caleb was sure the nurse was saying the nicest of words, but the old lady didn’t seem to be listening, only nodding out of reflex. It was then that he truly understood his desperation, how afraid he was to be on the receiving end of whatever devastating news were given.

Five hours passed.

The seats across from Caleb had now been filled with a young couple. They held hands throughout the whole time yet refused to look at each other in the eyes. To his right, Trixie’s eyes scanned the damaged pages of her book.

“Say, Trixie—”

She held her indicator up. “Wait, not the right time.”

“Right, sorry.”

After coming to a stop at the end of the page she turned over to him and extended her palm once more. “Hi, I’m Trixie, but all my friends call me, Trix,” she said cheerfully.

Caleb shook her hand, a lopsided smile gave emotion to his face. “Nice to meet you, Trixie, I’m Caleb.”

“Nice to meet you, Caleb!”

“Say, Trixie, aren’t you a bit too young to read something like that?”

She pondered for a second and finally answered, raising her shoulders, “Maybe, that’s the only one they’ve got left. See, I’m like a professional reader, so I’ve read every other book they have here.”

“You have?”

“Of course! I’ve got most of them in my room still, you should see them one day!”

“Sure, I’d love to.”

“You better! I only show it to my friends!”

Her eyes diverted back to the book, and Caleb’s to the many corridors, waiting for someone to come bearing the bad news.

Six hours passed.

Trixie closed her book abruptly and looked over to Caleb. “Say, Caleb, do you think people go to hell when they die?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“See, I don’t think so,” she said, her expression made it seem as though it were obvious, “what about those who never live enough to be good or sin?”

“I guess you’ve got a point. What do you think happens then?”

She looked puzzled, “I don’t know yet, I haven’t gotten that far. Do you think we come back as animals? I hope we do! I want to come back as…. as…. as a bear!”

“A bear? Why a bear?”

“Duh, they’re so cute, and fast, and sleep a lot!”

“That’s pretty neat, I suppose.”

“Do you want to see something neat too? You’ve got to promise not to tell the nurses, or they’ll be angry!”

“Sure, I promise.”

She reached inside a pocket in her gown and pulled out a chocolate pudding, “Tada! I stole this from the cafeteria this morning, they never saw it coming.”

An array of flashbacks rushed through Caleb’s head. Chocolate pudding, such a little thing, his wife’s favourite dessert. They used to get it every other day, one of those big bowls they sold in the convenience store next to their old studio, and just watch movies until she fell asleep in his arms.

“Did I say something wrong?” Asked Trixie.

“No, no, of course not. It’s just that my wife loved those?”

“Loved?”

Caleb nodded in agreement and looked over to one of the corridors. “You see, she’s not doing so well right now.”

“I bet she’s still hanging in there. Here! Have my last one, you need it more than I do.”

“You sure?”

“Of course!” She looked around as if to see if someone was listening and whispered, “I’ll just steal some more tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Trixie.”

“Don’t mention it, that’s what friends are for!”

He opened the pudding and separated the plastic spoon from its cap. Every spoonful came with vivid memories of times that once were. Tears he couldn’t explain rushed down his face, onto his now wrinkled white shirt.

Seven hours passed.

Another nurse came out of the furthermost corridor, her face was blank, emotionless. He wondered what that meant.

“That’s for you.” Said Trixie, the same smile she’d been carrying all night still prevailed on her weak face.

“Mr Caleb?”

He leapt from his seat, “That’s me, yes. Are they okay?”

The pause was small, perhaps there was no pause at all, but it certainly did feel like she was picking her words correctly as if preparing to say everything he didn’t want to hear.

“The baby is absolutely fine, she’s now resting in the incubators—”

“And my wife? Is she okay?” He interrupted.

“Minor injuries, Mr Caleb, she’ll be fine in no time, she was really lucky.”

He almost didn’t believe her for a second, but her expression did not change.

“She’s still weak, but would you like to see her now?” She said, making way for him to follow.

Caleb looked back at Trixie, her eyes glowed and her smile was as vivid as ever. “Thanks, Trix.”

“Of course! Also,” she pointed at the empty chocolate pudding in his left hand, “shhhhhh!”

“Oh shoot,” he placed the pudding in the inner pocket of his jacket, took two fingers to his lips, as if holding a key, and sealed them shut.

The nurse led them through one of the many halls inside the hospital.

“I see you’ve met, Trix.”

“Yeah.”

“A little pest, she is. But we all love her. She’s been here for five years now, but never once did any of us see her cry. She sort of… lightens the mood around here.”

Caleb smiled. “I can see that.”

“Right, here we are, room 18. Take the time you need.”

They made eye contact as he came in, although Elsie’s gaze quickly diverted to the 90‘s movie that was playing on the TV by the window.

Caleb took a seat next to her and held her hand.

“Look, Els, I’m sorry. For me, for work, for everything.”

“Are you really?” She replied, her voice understandably frail.

“I am…”

“What made you change your mind so fast?”

“I… well, I met a special young girl out there waiting for you.”

She looked confused. He took the divorce papers and placed them on her bed. “I was too stupid to realise what was truly going on, and I will sign these if that’s really what you want. Just let me tell you that I really love you and, as dumb as it may be, if you give me another chance, I’ll be here for you, for our girl, for us. I’ll be there to watch her first steps, her first words, her graduation, and I’ll be there with you, on the front row. I promise.”

She turned over to him, smiling in a way he hadn’t seen in a long time, “You just always know what to say, don’t you?”

A soft knock interrupted them. It was the nurse. She was holding a white blanket, using her arms as a platform.

“I’ve got someone here that would like to meet you.”

“Is that—”

“A perfectly healthy young lady,” she said, as she handed it to Caleb.

Elsie and Caleb looked at each other, speechless. She was perfect. She clearly had her mother’s beautiful round face sprinkled with Caleb’s light blue eyes.

“What’s her name?” The nurse asked.

Caleb felt dumb. So many early mornings and late nights at work that he hadn’t even stopped to think about her name.

Elsie tightened his hand. “How about… Hope?”

“That— That sounds perfect.”

He looked at his wife, then at their little Hope and realised that, no matter what else would go on in his life, no matter how many times he’d have to show up late to work because he kissed his girls one time too many, and no matter how many promotions and future opportunities that would sacrifice, there was no other place he’d rather be at that little moment for it was the most important one in his life.