Her essence

It was another cold dreary November day. The trees looked dead and lonely from the loss of their leaves and nothing to look forward to until spring. I felt just like them alone and waiting. Waiting to run into that special someone, actually anyone. It had been a long time. Oh yeah since Her. I pushed her out of my mind instantly, I needed to forget. So here I am in the stupid mall again. Shopping for little things trying to forget Her. She violated my brain again. It was over, she had made that clear. So I had to move on and now I was ok with that. But just because I was ok did not mean I was alright with moving on.

So in the mall again. What was I looking for again. O yeah socks, I needed socks anything to keep my mind off Her. It was crowded as usual. I was surrounded by other people going about their boring lives. Women dragging kids and silently yelling as if that was any less annoying than actually letting it all out. I was surprised that they did not hurt themselves doing that.

I was walking aimlessly to Target way at the end of the mall. I was slowly window shopping, first this side then that side. Seeing everything and yet noticing nothing. I needed some exercise I had been hiding in my apartment too long. My friends had an intervention and told me to get out of my apartment or they would physically remove me. There were six of them so I gave up and now here I am looking for socks.

Then about halfway to my destination it hit me like a brick wall. What was that? Oh no, no not that. I had walked past a woman and she was wearing It. A lot of It. It floored me, It had entered my nose and my body froze and instantly I was somewhere else. It was the smell of Navy perfume. She wore it, I loved it. That perfume was intoxicating, it was my Achilles heal. I could not fight it. I could not control it. I half fell, half guided myself onto a bench and just lay there gasping for air. Her memory crushed me just as the dead leaves had crushed under my feet as I had entered the mall.

My vision became blurry and then I faded out. Then I was back. Back to a time when she was mine. Back to the first time I had given her that perfume on her birthday five years or so ago. She was so excited. I could still feel her embrace. I had taken Her to our special restaurant on forty first street where we had first met on a blind date.

The meal had been excellent. The night had gone perfectly. She was dressed for the occasion in Her little black dress with the pearl necklace She only wore for special occasions. She looked lovely as ever and I had complimented her beauty with roses which brought out the color in her cheeks. Her dark hair fell ever so softly on bare shoulders. She was a vision and she was mine. It was the happiest I had ever been. She had excused herself to go to the ladies room to freshen up before we left for the movie theater to round out the night.

She had been waiting for this movie to come out it seemed forever, and it landed perfectly on Her birthday. What luck for me nothing could have gone better. She came back from the ladies room and that was the first time I had smelled that heavenly scent upon Her. It was glorious.

She looked at me and somehow felt what I was feeling. The raw attraction that was between us. She moved closer and said softly, provocatively, "Let's skip the movie we can go another time." As She grabbed my tie and slowly led me out the door to the taxi I knew this night would be the one. We would unleash the passion we had for each other in a night of unbridled lust.

That perfume from that moment on was Her. She wore it religiously after that. She had worn it to all of our anniversaries, Her birthdays and mine. She knew what it did to me. Every breath of It took me back to the first time. It was like I was holding Her gently in my arms again with Her body pressed against mine and the faintest brush of our lips. Just a whiff of that scent had sent me careening down memory lane and left me wasted upon this bench gasping. People were staring and I could see the pity in their eyes. I bet they thought that poor wretch, look at him he is dying.

I was done. I slowly got up and tried to get my bearings. I slumped back twice before I made it off the bench. As my addled brain tried to come back to reality I saw Her everywhere. That scent had taken control of my eyes now. There she was talking to a clerk, no there she was going into that store. No there were three of Her giggling at me and pointing. I looked just like some drunk as I weaved my way back to my car.

As I got behind the steering wheel I knew I had to do something I could not drive like this. So I forced it out. I blew my nose hard to get the smell out. I forced myself to remember what she had said when I had proposed marriage. Marriage was not for Her and She had made it plain that She had grown tired of me and was moving on. That did it the pain pushed it out. My broken heart had pushed it out. I was in reality again. No socks today, maybe tomorrow. Just as long as I don't run into another woman wearing Navy I don't think I could survive it.