Praying for Tomorrow

(Sensitive Content notes: mentions of weapons and death)

            We carried her boat as we neared the Yalu River. The Chinese villager spoke to us in broken Korean. He would take Ji’s sick mother to the other side where she would be safe in China. Ever since the outbreak of Tuberculosis in North Korea, there had been a significant lack of treatment for his mother. She hugged her son because she knew she could not take him with her. Though she loved him very much and cared for him with every fiber in her being, she would die if she stayed. We watched the boat sail away, the Chinese man rowing it with his oar. There was no way of knowing if this would save her. When she was out of sight, Ji broke down into tears and dropped to the ground, praying for his mother to be cured and healthy. My poor, wretched friend Ji suffered throughout the night worrying for his mother.

           The most difficult part about this act was not getting caught. We woke up early the next morning along with the rest of the farmers. Ji was quiet and worked awfully slowly as he harvested the near spoiled fruits and vegetables. There was not enough food being produced in these crops this season. It was saddening to gather what felt like nothing. Ji and I were able to bring back a small portion of rice and potatoes for a meal. My lovely wife, Soo-Jin, who I have devoted my life to, prepared our meal. She knows I helped Ji’s mother cross the Yalu River. She was unhappy with my aid for his mother, only because she cares deeply about my safety in this strict country. She recognized the harsh work Ji and I endured today in the heat of the summer and allowed us to eat more than herself. As she placed my plate in front of me I locked my eyes on her tired ones. I shook my head and used my spoon to shovel an equal amount of food. I did not let her protest.

           Days carried on and so did Ji’s worry for his sick mother. There was no way of telling if she was safe, if she was getting the treatment she needed, or if she even made it to China. As much as I wished to pray for his mother, I knew right now it was more important to pray for us not to get caught. I was devastatingly worried, and it kept me up most nights. Time and time again I would go over that night in my head to ensure I had not made any mistakes.

           “Are you awake?” I hear my wife ask me as I lie awake in bed, running through my thoughts and to her voice.

           “I cannot stop thinking about it. I am so worried we will get caught.” I exclaimed to her, as I have done every night. It is beautiful that no matter how many times I repeat the same confession of worry, she listens. She never runs out of answers to cure my unwell thoughts. Her presence alone is enough to calm me.

           “Darling, it has been too long for them to act. I am sure they have deleted any past footage from that night because they found nothing. Do not let your mind worry. Focus on us.” She speaks with certainty that allowed no room for unease. I knew that one day I would get her out of this country and somewhere safe. I did not care if it cost me my life. My Soo-Jin deserves a life outside of this. Where she can work where she wishes, eat any meal she desires, and never have to be uncertain about her next day.

           Ji woke me up early with his howls of panic. “My bracelet, my mother’s bracelet is gone!” She gave it to him the day before we sent her off. It was a red bracelet tied to a maedeup knot with a sapphire bound into the middle, representing colors peace. He always takes it off before a shower to not damage the thread. Before we get into the bathing houses, we leave our clothing in a separate room next to everyone else’s. Ji believes someone stole it. To anyone else, that bracelet does not have much significance. So, I helped Ji look for his lost bracelet.

           We looked all over and asked the other farmers. We also searched through his dirty clothes, but unfortunately, it was gone. When we got out onto the field to harvest the crops, the security officer stopped Ji as he was walking out. I almost kept walking, but turned, curious about what was happening.

           “Does this belong to you?” The security officer held out Ji’s bracelet. Poor Ji was so excited to see it, he wasn’t thinking logically. He exclaimed with joy that the bracelet was in fact his. The officer was displeased by this information. I watched in terror as officers were called to the farm. “Ji Hyun-Sik, you are being detained for aiding in an escape.”

           No, this wasn’t right. Had there been cameras we didn’t see? Did they simply know it was him from just a bracelet? I was forced to back away when the officers commanded everyone to get to work. I felt my heartbeat quicken as I thought up every possibility that would come next. I found it difficult to breathe as I thought about what they would do to Ji. My best friend since I began working, yet I couldn’t do a thing as I watched them take him away from me.

           As soon as I could, I left and ran to find my wife. “My dear, they took him away! They took Ji!” I watched her face falter in despair. We hugged each other to comfort one another. “I pray with my whole being I am not to be taken away from you, Soo-Jin.”

           “I am so sorry. I will hide you away and never let them take you as they have with Ji. You are mine to protect.” As much as a wished this to be hopeful, I knew what was to come next. I held Soo-Jin’s face in my rough, worn hands and spoke calmly.

           “My wife, I wish you no harm for the crimes I have committed. I wish you a safe and comfortable life away from any strict and unlawful rules. I know with strong certainty in my heart that you are strong enough to escape when I couldn’t. Do not dwell on my absence, for you will always be imprisoned with what once was. When the officers are focused on taking me, you run. Run as far as you can go. The Chinese villagers, they will take you in, I just know it. Your soul is pure and genuine, and they will see that, and they will save you. I know you are scared but I know you are tough. Just because I am gone does not mean you must be.” Tears glazed over her eyes and fell down her saddened face. I knew her thoughts of despair. “When I am locked away, I will make sure to pray for your success every hour. I will tell every god in our universe to ensure your safety. Again, I tell you do not to worry about me. My fate has come to an end and there is no stopping the men who take me away. I will not let you waste your time on my actions and their consequences.”

           I did not let her speak nor protest my words. I kissed her and she kissed me back with more passion I had ever felt in my entire life. When she broke the kiss, she held my face in her hands now. “I love you, and I will never forget you. Wherever I escape to, I will speak your name so the world remembers you.” She spoke so clearly to me. I felt her words down to the core of my very soul. No one else in the world could affect me like this woman has.

When the officers took me away from my love, I had to look away. That beautiful face should never have to see so much pain. I did not blame Ji for giving them my name. I knew well that they would have had to torture him till near death before he ever would have given away the identity of the man who helped saved his mother.

Every chance in that awful prison I got, I prayed. I prayed until my execution date. I prayed for my wife as the guards held their guns to me. I prayed that my wife may never meet the same fate as I.