Dear Roger

Dear Roger, 

If you would have told yourself that you would become best friends with a guy from another country, culture, and views – you would have been skeptical.  You love meeting new people, that is why you’re becoming a pastor or so you thought. Living with a complete stranger for two weeks impacted your life.  I am proud that you took a chance to go on vacation and find yourself because you weren’t happy before. You wanted to please your parents but didn’t really consider your emotions. I’m thankful as I’m writing this that I broke out of that hellhole of pleasing other people. It really can bring a person down. Now we didn’t get here typing this future letter to not get into detail about your growth, so let’s start from the beginning. 

6 months ago, March – Sioux Falls, SD

Not 6 a.m. again, I really need to reconsider my morning routine because these late nights aren’t it. Every morning my mom sends me a “Good morning handsome” text and if I don’t respond within the hour, she’ll call to see how I’m doing and what I have planned for the day. I love my mom and she is the sweetest woman you’ll ever meet, but sometimes she still treats me like a baby and I just can’t tell her to stop. My father, he’s a pastor at the Church of Saint Agnes in St. Paul, Minnesota. He’s been with them since I was a kid and the community loves my dad. Every time a new person encounters his sermon or a general meet and greet, they leave with a changed heart. My father is a huge role model and is one of the reasons I want to become a pastor. He thought I would stay in Minnesota, but I was born and raised and went to the University of Minnesota and graduated with a Bachelors’s in Religion and a minor in French. Some days I still feel I should have done more with my minor, but alas all I know how to say is bonjour and count up to 30. I really didn’t want to be a religion major either, but I wanted to please my parents. Especially my father, his dream was to have me take over his church. I always asked him about Debbie, but he felt she should go more in the direction of accounting or teaching. Debbie didn’t want to do any of those things and immediately moved to the west coast to pursue her dreams as an actress. My father still won’t pick up the phone when she calls, but my mom and her chat every now and again. I was afraid if I said no to my father, I would be in the same boat too so I stuck it out as a religion major. It really did impact my life and I learned a lot, but my purpose isn’t fulfilled. Hopefully, this trip changes my life in some way. 

Right now I am living in South Dakota which isn’t too bad, but I know I won’t be here for long. My seminary classes start at 8 a.m. which is why my mornings are early. However, it doesn’t help that I host Bible studies that don’t end until 10 p.m. I really enjoy fellowshipping and growing my network, but my sleep is way too important. At least my vacation to Sheboygan, Wisconsin is in three days! My phone lights up and it’s my mother, let the day begin. 

Present-day, August – Sheboygan, WI

Now Roger how are you enjoying the beach? I hope the waves aren’t splashing you too hard, because I know how much you fell in love with the water during your vacation. But let’s not forget Aadesh, he really wasn’t having it with the water huh? Remember when you both decided to catch a wave and you saw him trying to get a selfie but soon after he lost his phone. That was really the test of your friendship or should I say the beginning. You two were from different parts of the world and it just so happens that you both had to share a hotel room. Definitely out of your comfort zone, but little did you know this man was going to change your life. 

6 months ago  March – Sioux Falls, SD

Officially two days before I’m on a plane to Sheboygan. The other day my sister Debbie called and asked why I didn’t choose a more scenic destination to enjoy the water and sun, but I wanted to stay lowkey for this trip. Plus money is slowly coming in, but not enough for an exotic vacation. And I did my own research and Sheybogan is known as Midwest Malibu, so that’s close to something scenic right? 

I booked my hotel at Harbor Winds, but I received a strange email from the manager saying that my reservation needed to be re-evaluated when I arrived. I didn’t want to worry and stay focus on finishing my assignments for class. 

Present-day August– Sheboygan 

It feels great seeing locals walk their dogs, laugh, and enjoy life. Something that you were striving for since you started college. Roger you are a man of truth, I mean you’re not perfect, but you speak what’s on your mind. When you met Aadesh, you weren’t afraid to stand your ground and create boundaries. Now your parents… you cave back into the same person that you loathed. I know your parents are shocked that you quit seminary school and decided to move out here, but they love you. They just need to see your vision come to life. Maybe they can finally meet your best buddy Aadesh that helped you discover new avenues. Don’t give him all the credit, there are major individuals that helped too, but just make sure you give all your glory to God. 

6 months ago March – Sioux Falls, SD

Ah, one more day! It’s officially happening. I turned in all my assignments, signed off on some other important tasks, and now I can focus on packing. Am I the only one that is a last-minute packer? The thought of having to go through clothes, shoes, toiletries, snacks, the list never ends. My flight was leaving at 6 a.m. so I needed to really make sure I used my time wisely and go to sleep on time. My father called and doesn’t understand why I’m going on vacation. He feels I should stay at home and figure out my next sermons. Here lies the problem – my father doesn’t explore much. He feels if the Lord didn’t call him then it’s not meant to happen. Occasionally he’ll go to the next town or state to help out different churches but remains at  St. Paul which makes no sense to me. I don’t have time to really discuss my life decisions so I make our chat quick. 

Present Day August – Sheboygan, WI

Aadesh and I grew up in similar households and really embarked on a journey where we didn’t know the outcome. When we put our egos and differences aside, it really opened the doors to new perspectives. Aadesh has two younger siblings and showed them that they didn’t have to fit certain stereotypes to be successful. My sister already took that first step and she’s younger than me. That is why I believe age is nothing but a number. 

6 months ago March – Sheboygan, WI

When I arrived at my hotel, they said my hotel reservation wasn’t in their system. So the manager suggested I room with a stranger. I was shocked and appalled. I booked this room months ago, “I can’t live with a complete stranger. This isn’t college.” The manager was very apologetic with his actions and even gave me three nights free on my next visit, but I am not going to another hotel, so might as well meet this stranger. I arrived at my room and this man was chilling on the bed flipping the channels on the television. “Hi, I’m Aadesh, nice to meet you! Sorry for the mess, I didn’t know you were arriving today.” I responded, “Not a problem, I’ll just keep my stuff over here.” He went back to flipping channels on the T.V. and for the rest of the evening, we just minded our business. 

Since I was going to be here for two weeks, I needed to make most of my time here. I invited Aadesh to go out to eat or hang out at the beach, but he seemed to keep to himself. I really didn’t understand him except that he was filthy. He really didn’t clean his side of the room and was loud in the mornings. Like me, he wakes up at 6 a.m. and enjoys playing Hindi music. I feel like I’m in college all over again. 

Eventually, I found out he went to the University of Minnesota when I saw one of his sweatshirts. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to ask about his time there. “Hey I noticed your sweatshirt, I went there too! When did you graduate?” He responded, “I graduated in 2013 and studied TV production. You?” He caught on from my facial expression because I also graduated in 2013. What a small world we live in. We bonded over fond memories and inquired each other of familiar faces, professors, staff, etc. It was a pretty great night. Soon Aadesh and I were hanging out and reminiscing on the fond memories. We had so much in common and we were both shocked that we didn’t hang out in school. I would say we grew close pretty fast, but there were still differences between us that weren’t ironed out just yet. Guess what? It wasn’t even huge mainly about his living style. 

Present-day – Sheboygan, WI

Two weeks can really make or break a friendship Roger. I know sometimes you reflect on how people enter your life at certain times, but it happens for a reason. Do you remember the deep conversation you had with Aadesh? 

6 months ago March – Sheboygan, WI 

My parents constantly kept reminding me of seminary school and the things I needed to do to prepare for my new sermons. I was becoming annoyed. This was my vacation and I took it for a reason, to get away from all this. Aadesh noticed my frustration and asked what was going on. I explained everything about growing up, going to school, seminary, my purpose, and my confusion. He was a great listener and he shared his story about his parents expecting him to take over their business and keep it running within the family. He didn’t want to do that and had to leave his home and move out to the West coast. It was the best decision he made for himself and not his parents. Still to this day, they try to convince him, but he holds his ground. I was very jealous and admired his audacity at the same time. I needed to get over the guilt of not pleasing my parents. I also found out Aadesh won two awards for his short films and is currently working with a major network on a new project. It was at this moment that I knew, becoming a pastor wasn’t my dream anymore. I needed something more from my life and it wasn’t going back to Sioux Falls. How was I going to break this news to my family? 

Present-day August – Sheboygan, WI

It wasn’t easy having to go back to Sioux Falls and drop out of seminary. But now you understand why and it’s okay if plans change. Father wasn’t happy at all. He stopped speaking to you for about a month. It hurt you deeply, but you knew one day he would come around. Your mom has always been the neutral one so she was more susceptible to your new plan, but wanted you to please your father too. Debbie applauded you for finally standing up for yourself. Aadesh was a brother from another mother and cheered you on for the next five months. You finally decided to move out here and get acquainted again and found a job that helps pay the bills. In the next 6 months, I do believe you will find your calling. These things take time but enjoy the process. Never resort to being a people pleaser again. When you read this letter, know that you will be in a better position and place in your life. You’ll cherish these memories forever and will have a story to share.

Sincerely, 

Future Me