Aron

Aron woke up in a cold sweat, for the last few weeks he had been having the most terrible nightmares, torturous scenarios had been plaguing him, another night of broken sleep, the fuzzy head, the bulging eyes. He walked to the kitchen of his cosy flat and flicked on the kettle, he leaned on the kitchen side and glanced out the window, he had many times felt stuck and trapped by his current situation, however he lived on a steep island attached to the mainland by a solitary road and a beach, he was near the top, looking down at the steep town that had gradually built up over the years, many of the locals had cashed in and left with hotels and bed and breakfasts taking over, but his view looked down and out to sea, for Aron it put things into perspective, the stunning beauty, the jaw-dropping views and sheer magnificence of mother nature. After pouring a coffee he walked in to the smaller of the bedrooms to wake his son up, he often told people how awesome his son was, he never made much of a fuss and was very well behaved, his mother had left him to Aron and for some reason the locals that remained seemed to shun them. Aron was not fussed for himself but knew his son deserved better.

He gave a kiss on the forehead and had told him to dress while he prepared some toast and orange juice for breakfast, he looked from the kitchen at him eating, he was in awe, how can his mum just leave him, i know she hates me but surely no one can be that heartless? He smiled and hugged him ‘we will have some fun today, we will stop of at the park on the way to the beach’ he smiled, he lived to make him happy and retreated to the bathroom to shower, as he got in he picked his phone up, he turned the water on and stared at it was it worth the argument? He phoned his ex girlfriend, since they had split she had been nasty, bordering poisonous, he was trying to ride it out and get to a happy place for their son. ‘what, what do you want now?’ a furious voice answered, he always felt meek when speaking to her, in truth he accepted a lot of troubled behavior that he had put down to her past but her attitude was now borderline evil ‘we are heading to the park if you wanted...’ before he could even finish the invitation he was cut off ‘when are you going to stop this, you are selfish and need to grow up and change’ the phone went dead. It was almost usual for that to happen, Aron continued and washed and dried himself, he had been to tired to wash his clothes so wore the same clothes he had been wearing for the last few days whats the bother they will be getting dirty later anyways.

They were both ready and Aron stared at his son, ‘i am so proud of you’ he whispered before they held each others hands, he was always surprised by how cold he was, sometimes he wondered if he was doing enough for him, half the reason he wanted his mum back in the picture was to check to ensure he was fulfilling all of his needs. They set of, starting their picturesque decent. Not two minutes into the steep decline some locals outside the fish and chip shop began glaring, he pulled his son in closer and met their stares why do they have to do this? He continued down the meandering road, both were in silence but taking in the beauty, the cliffs in the distance and the stunning greenery that hung over the path and road. A car drove by, someone shouted outside of the window ‘freak’ he turned to face the car travelling into the distance, there was nothing he could do, no time to react ‘I'm sorry son, I don't know why they do this.’ Aron felt cold and saddened, despite is being a summers day and the blue painted the sky there was a chill to the wind, for it was near the end of August, and this chapter of his life was coming to a close, he would have to start preparing his son for school, what chance does he have alone, if we are treated like this together? a pain raced through his chest, he could take being down trodden and abused, but every parents worst nightmare is having that future for their children.

They reached the park, again it hung over the amazing backdrop, it wasn’t massive but had swings a roundabout, climbing frame, but two things made him continue to return, the happiness on his sons face and on occasion the innocence and love of children prevailed, not bound by social constraints some of them would play and have fun with them or include them in their games. There was a young mother and a little baby girl, she had a pretty little bow on, they were on the swings. Aron and his son wandered over to the swings to join them and Aron smiled at her, the mother suddenly stopped pushing the child and picked her up, they left much to the little girls frustration. Aron sighed but would not let this stop him from having fun. His son loved the swings and always asked to go as high and fast as he could, he often pretended to be an airplane while the wind rushed against his face. After a while they went to play on the climbing frame, when a group of youths in tracksuits and hoodies walked past, one had shouted something but Aron ignored whatever had been said, until a can of energy drink came flying past narrowly missing his leg ‘what the hell did you do that for?’ he shouted and awaited a response, the group stopped, laughed and carried on. His son sat on the climbing frame, his legs were about head height, Aron went to apologize again until his son softly spoke ‘i know, its not your fault, i know you do your best for me’ his son looked pale and weak, his black scruffy hair caught by the wind, Aron felt like he was failing, then a friendly voice greeted him, it was Mr Jardininski, someone Aron used to work with, he was a kind old man and very much an outsider in this community too ‘how are you holding up? i see this place is still no kinder towards you’ he grimaced ‘no, neither is his mum, its hard you know, maybe one day i will get a baby sitter and we can catch up over a drink’ Mr Jardininski smiled, but there looked to be a pain behind it, maybe he didn't receive to many offers for company, ‘sure, it was good to see you again, i hope things get better for you’ he embraced Arons shoulders and slowly walked on.

Then he heard a voice he certainly didn't want to hear ‘what are you doing?’ bellowed his ex girlfriend ‘look please don't do this in front of him, we just want to have a good day’ she welled up and went bright red ‘this isn't just about you, i get this is your warped way of dealing with this, but can’t you see, it drives people away, people are embarrassed, our son would have been too, why can’t you face this like a real man, why do you think you are the only one that sees him? do you honestly think i would have let you have sole custody of our son if he was alive?’ Her words cut through the air, a group of people had gathered, he had been used to being humiliated by her but not like this ‘he isn't embarrassed by me, he loves me and you gave up on him!’ anger crept in to his voice, he was finally standing up for himself, until she slapped him, ‘look around, where is he, we were told to let you play out the fantasy in the hope you snapped back into reality, he died, and having you constantly reminding me of the past, bringing up all of the guilt and sorrow means i have to replay it all over again, him in the accident, the damage and withering away, letting him go, I don't want that every day just because you cannot face it, we weren't good parents and he paid the price’ she had been screaming, and he took a step back, he felt groggy, almost as though an express train had hit him head on, he looked to the climbing frame, it was empty, he turned sharply on his heels, he had lost him, maybe he ran away at the sound of them arguing, ‘where is he?’ Aron said frantically, ‘You know where he is, we lost him a long time ago, you have been living with his memory, our guilt.’

Aron froze, suddenly his delusion came crashing down, it all had made sense, this is why he was an outcast, people didn't understand. The truth started bleeding into him like a disease attacking every cell in his body. All of a sudden his heart felt like it was made from steel, it was so heavy it felt like it would fall through his chest, he could feel the blood stop flowing in his arteries and veins, then all of a sudden this well of grief hit him, proliferating around his being, he sunk to his knees and let out his first tears of sorrow, his former partner and mother of his child embraced him on the ground from behind, time froze ‘what have we done?’ he had no control over the emotions surging through his body, maybe this would be the end of this hellish nightmare, the grieving process could take place and we could finally look to build a future each on these destroyed remains of what was once a happy life ‘I’m so sorry i done that to you, i should have done more when he was still here, I should have been more careful’ Aron sobbed, the grief had fully taken over and illuminated the parts that had been erased from his memory for self preservation, however a selfish thought protruded through the grief how could I have let him down like that? Maybe now we can move on and start a life for ourselves, together and one day make him proud.

On that day one life was saved, the calls stopped and the bitter realization that they had no future together crept in for Aron, he was aware she had moved on and had married and was expecting, for him, the damage was done, he may as well have joined his son, for his love and heart left the day he learned the truth, some people may seem strong, but once a mind and soul is corrupted by sorrow there is often no salvation just a single crippling thought blocking any attempts of joy it should have been me, i should have done more..