Contest #109 winner 🏆

Diner At The End

Submitted into Contest #109 in response to: Set your story during the night shift.... view prompt

63 comments

Contemporary Fiction Sad

It was around ten after Life when he came in. 

    Nightshift was the best shift, to the three that worked at the diner at The End.

    It let the dishwasher have a break when their feet started to hurt. It let the cook wear headphones while he worked. And it let the waitress write in her journal.

    The customer was no one special. An average joe with a bit of scruff and a plain, if respectable outfit. He sat at a booth near the kitchen and ordered a cup of coffee, some pancakes, and a side of hashbrowns. 

    As the waitress poured some coffee, he asked her, “Where am I?”

    She shrugged. “Where you’re supposed to be.”

    “No,” he shook his head. “I really don’t know where I am!”

    “I know,” she said calmly. “And like I said. You’re where you’re supposed to be.” She set a small pitcher of cream and sugar shaker down. “Food will be ready soon.”

    “Wait!” He nearly grabbed her arm. “May I have a pen and napkin please?”

    She brought him the requested items and went back to the kitchen. 

    “They’re always so jittery,” she commented to the cook. 

    He flipped a pancake and nodded. “He’ll calm down.”

    “I know. Are they on a break?” The waitress glanced at the sink full of bubbles. 

    “They’re having a snack.”

    The waitress nodded and wandered back out to check on the man at the booth. He was writing on the napkin, looking puzzled as he did so. 

    “Need more coffee?” She asked. 

    “I can’t remember,” he whispered.

    “Can’t remember what?”

    “It.” He shook his head. “It was important.”

    The waitress went to grab the coffee pot. When she came back, the man had his wallet out, sorting what had been inside. Business cards, credit cards, debit cards, receipts, all of them scattered over the tabletop. She silently refilled the cup and went to the counter to grab the food that was sitting there. 

    “You know you’re supposed to ring the bell,” she reminded the cook impatiently. 

    He pointedly put his headphones back in.

    The waitress rolled her eyes and dropped the food off. 

His name was Martin Serling. He lived on 22 Oak Lane in Somerville, Ohio. He was an electrician. He had a family. His wife’s name was Helen, his oldest son’s name was Greg, and his younger son’s name was Thomas. His business card read “Serling Electric, For All Your Shocking Needs!” 

    Martin stared down at the picture in his hands. It was the four of them during Thomas’s most recent trip home from college. He could see traces of gray in Helen’s pitch black hair. His was already much more pronounced, the fine blonde having gone mostly grey by the time he was forty two. The class ring on Greg’s hand was half hidden by the collar of Thomas’s shirt. 

He’s nine and his mom dies in a home invasion. He spends the next five years in therapy for the nightmares. 

He’s eighteen and he meets Helen during a mutual friend’s graduation party. 

He’s twenty seven and they’ve been married for three years when she tells him she’s pregnant with their first child.

He’s still twenty seven when she loses the baby.

He’s thirty four and chasing around after Greg in the yard when a child from across the street dies in a hit-and-run. Explaining death to a five year old is hard. Even harder still is attending the funeral. 

He’s thirty seven when Thomas is born. Greg is overprotective in the best way of his baby brother. Always worrying after every little sneeze and hiccup. The night Thomas almost dies in his crib is the day Greg tells him “I’m gonna be a doctor when I grow up” and Martin has never been prouder. 

He’s forty when his father dies. 

He’s forty two when Greg comes home with a black eye after a fight at school after some bullies targeted his best friend. “They were calling him all sorts of terrible shit!”

    “Greg, language.”

    “That’s what it was!”

He’s days away from fifty when Thomas comes out. Nervous and shaking during Christmas break.

    “I’m gay.”

    “Oh…”

    “I already packed and Greg said-”

    “What do you mean you packed?”

    “...”

    “Go unpack, you’re not going anywhere.”

    “Martin…”

    “What? We’re not. He’s our son, we’re not kicking him out over something as small as this. It’s not like he murdered anyone!”

He’s fifty two when his best friend dies of cancer. 

He’s fifty six when he wins an award for patenting a new wiring technique. 

He’s sixty when Greg finishes medical school with honors. 

He’s sixty two when he gets the diagnosis of mesothelioma. 

He’s sixty seven when he beats it. 

He’s seventy three when it returns. 

He’s seventy four when-

Martin blinked and a tear fell on the photo. 

“I’m dead.”

    “Yes.” The waitress said, gently patting his shoulder.

    “Is this - is this all there is?” He cast a glance around the empty restaurant. 

    “It’s the night shift,” she shrugged. 

    “The night shift,” he repeated dubiously. 

    “This is where those without a faith come when their time ends,” she explained. “You get choices.”

    “What choices?”

    “You were relatively a good person. You weren’t perfect but no human ever really is. You can go to an afterlife of solitary time in a house with a garden and books and music that are all just ok.” She handed him a pamphlet with the words MEDIOCRITY IN A HOUSE across the top in yellow. “Or you can try again. If you pick this,” she tapped the pamphlet, “ask me for the check.”

    “What if I want to try again?” It did look appealing in a sort of calm way. An eternity of calm repose. Like doing yoga for eternity. But bad, faux Indian guru yoga, like Helen’s best friend’s daughter’s sort of yoga. 

    “Then go help the dishwasher in the back.”

    He glanced up at her. The waitress was warmly lit in a strange way. Deep red-brown skin, oak brown eyes, and her hair tied in dozens of braids that were pulled back into a low ponytail. Over her shoulder, he could see the cook.

    “What’s his afterlife?” He asked.

    “Not an option for you,” she said. Martin decided that that was probably something he didn’t want to know, based on her tone. 

    How long do I have to decide?”

    “Until the night shift ends.”

    Greg glanced outside. He must have been there for hours but it was still the same inky black. 

    “Do you want anything more to eat?” The waitress asked. “More coffee?” She held up the pot.

    Martin shook his head. She nodded and left him alone. 

Martin read the pamphlet twice. The clock on the wall never changed. He drank another cup of coffee, and, remembering Helen’s lectures on his cholesterol, had a bowl of fruit. He couldn’t really say if they had any taste. If any of it had any taste. 

    With a final glance outside, he picked up his empty mug and bowl and headed into the kitchen. The cook barely glanced at him except to point at the sink full of bubbles, where the dishwasher of indeterminate gender, age, and ethnicity stood. Their head was bowed, hair tucked up under a baseball hat, arms plunged in the sink. A heavy duty apron was tied tightly to keep the water from soaking them. 

    They silently pointed at a second apron on a hook. 

    Martin set the two dishes down and put it on. The dishwasher shuffled slightly to make room. Martin rolled up his sleeves and began to wash dishes. 

    The clock on the wall changed. 

    The night shift was coming to an end.

August 28, 2021 21:16

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63 comments

06:28 Oct 15, 2021

I love your story, it was a well deserved win. I really like the way you created a slow reveal for Martin and he figured out what he was doing in such a short amount of time, the is just a nod to the masterful way you handled the pacing of your story. I loved the little snippets of his life that he writes down as he makes sense of his surroundings packs a serious punch when it comes to developing your character and making us empathize with him. Everything about your story worked so well and compelled me to keep reading. Great job.

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17:52 Oct 14, 2021

Wow! I loved this, we all wonder what kind of afterlife we'll have, but a diner is a new one for me. The memories of his life added to it as a countdown to the eventual death. A normal kind of life, occasional challenges and reprieves. As someone who has just finished the breakfast dishes though, I hope that's not all I have coming to me! :)

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Atiur Prodhan
02:41 Oct 14, 2021

wow woow

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Bob Dee
07:07 Oct 13, 2021

I love that story be I dont think it's real story :(

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Jeffrey Zamora
23:26 Oct 01, 2021

ok cool

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Steam At 5
13:07 Sep 28, 2021

https://registercw.com/tgYEjD3z

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Steam At 5
13:07 Sep 28, 2021

https://registercw.com/tgYEjD3z

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Freya Matheson
00:18 Sep 28, 2021

I keep rereading this story over and over. The concept is so creative, and the way you tell it is so beautiful and engaging. Seeing Martin's life play out, you feel lie you know him. Really, truly incredible. Wow wow wow.

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Iris Orona
15:53 Sep 27, 2021

Wow! This story made me think deeply of God and miracles! Thank you!

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Wynette Worthy
19:09 Sep 26, 2021

I love the way you were so descriptive! I could picture it all happening!

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Patrick Juhl
19:31 Sep 22, 2021

Ms. Rodgers, I am starting a fiction podcast called Untold, and I think that Diner at the End would be a wonderful fit for the pilot episode--if you would be interested in contributing it! You can reach me at PatrickHJuhl@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing back from you!

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Cart Wright
22:23 Sep 21, 2021

I enjoyed this story very much.

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Cynthia McDonald
23:10 Sep 18, 2021

I really enjoyed this story quite a bit. Its' so original, and the characters so real in just a short period of time. A very unique take on the subject.

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Jana Diriyeh
10:16 Sep 18, 2021

An intriguing story! Great job!

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Carla Ward
14:46 Sep 17, 2021

Funny how diners and death do seem to go together. I don't know why, but it's an easy thing to envision. Maybe it's the transient nature of a diner. It's like a traveler's waystation, but without trains or buses. I enjoyed this because you pick up clues to Martin's character through the discoveries he makes from his wallet. You want him to make the second choice even though you don't know where it will take him, but you know it will somehow give him room to grow and become more than who he was. Well done.

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14:19 Oct 22, 2021

This is fine... kinda weird but it's ok...

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Yvone Mthembu
10:52 Sep 17, 2021

Brilliant Believable Big up

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Grayce Samson
19:46 Sep 16, 2021

I love this! The pacing is smooth and I love the way you handled the subject. My one note is on “No,” he shook his head. This wouldn’t be punctuated as a dialogue tag, because shaking one’s head isn’t a way of saying something. Punctuating the dialogue with a period “No.” He shook his head. would be correct, as you are following the dialogue with an action.

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Steam At 5
16:09 Sep 16, 2021

https://registercw.com/tgYEjD3z

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Fridah Owegi
18:08 Sep 15, 2021

Wow, this is a very creative story! I love the way slowly, as the readers, we learn more about Martins' life and how to got to where he is. This is very interesting, inspirational, and amazing! Congratulations on the win

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14:40 Sep 14, 2021

This story has got such Mystic Pop-up bar vibes! Great story!!

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