ETERNITY

ETERNITY

“The ambulance is here for you.”

            I heard a voice and there was a bright light, but nothing else.  “What do you mean?” I asked.  “I don’t see an ambulance and there’s no one around.”

            “That’s because you’re dead,” the voice replied.

            I was stunned for a moment until I realized that I had no feeling.  I couldn’t see anything but the light.  “What do you mean? Who are you?”

            “You’re dead. Kaput.  Finito.  How else can I explain it?”

            “Why are you here, then?”

            “Waiting.”

            “Waiting for what?”  I wanted to know.

            “For your spirit to leave your body.  Sometimes these people can revive a person and then I have to leave until it’s time.  If you die, I’m the one who guides you in.”  There was a pause.   “Yep, it’s official.  You just entered the after-life, my friend.”

            This was bizarre to say the least.  “How could I be dead.  I’m still talking to you.”

            “Wrong!  We’re communicating through thoughts.  It seems to be talking since that’s the medium you’re used to.  By the way, I am an archangel assigned to your case.”

            I was still at odds with the whole scenario and wanted to know more before this whole episode went any further.  “You’re telling me I’m in heaven?”

            “After-life.  After earthly life to be precise.  Heaven is a word created by humans.  We refer to it as the Assembly of Spirits,” the archangel stated.

             “Oh, yeah, that’s much better,” I gibed.  “I just can’t wrap my arms around this whole concept.”

            “You have no arms.”

            “OK, my mind.  I can’t grasp what’s going on.”

            “It’s simple,” the angel tried to clarify the dilemma.  “You are part of the after-life of all the spirits that have passed on over the course of time when those with a spirit left their earthly existence.  That includes what you refer to as animals as well.  They’re all here.”

            I didn’t know what else to say.  “Do you have a name?” I thought to ask.

            “Not really.  I’m one of a multitude of archangels assigned to this type situation.  I mean, there are so many deaths each day, it would be impossible to keep up with if there were fewer of us.” 

            I thought for a second.  “OK, for the sake of brevity, I’ll call you Archie.”  I was pleased with my choice of names.

            Archie spoke, or, rather, thought. “Why are you concerned with brevity? You’re here for eternity!”

            With those words, it finally struck me.  This is it.  Heaven, or the Assembly of Whatever.  I didn’t feel the joy that one might imagine the transition to the after-life would foster.  I was confused and somewhat disheartened.  I expected more.  Naturally, this was only the beginning so I asked Archie what came next.

            “Next?” his voice seemed quizzical.  “There is no next.  It’s not like there is a future or past here.  Everything is the present.  No tomorrows or yesterdays.  In fact, no more later-on-today.  You will always be in the moment.  Actually, if you think about it, it reflects your life on earth.  Even though you would contemplate on yesterday and tomorrow, there really wasn’t anything tangible except the moment you were in.  The rest was either reflection or conjecture.”

            Again, disappointed.  “I’m not so sure I like where this whole thing is going,” I said bluntly.

            “It sounds to me like you believe you have a choice,” Archie countered.

            “Touche, Archie,” I replied in my best French, pondering what else I could wrest from this new friend of mine that might make my time in eternity more palatable.  “How about being around my parents and family.  You know, relatives, pets, et alia,” I lapsed into Latin.  “When can I see them?”  I added quickly, “OK, I know.  I can’t see.”

            “Right on that count, doubtful on the other,” Archie was quick to reply.

            “What?  I don’t get it,” I offered dejectedly.  “I thought that was the prize, the pot of gold.  Being back with loved ones after death.”

            “Another of your created human myths, likely fabricated as a glimmer of hope to make passing seem more acceptable, even desirable to some.  Let me use an analogy.  Let’s say I took a glass of water and poured it into the ocean.  Then, five or more years later, I took another glass of water and poured it into the same spot in the ocean.  What do you think the chances are that the second glass of water would encounter in some way the water from the first glass?”  Archie sounded satisfied with his example.  “Your spirit is being poured into all the spirits that have come to eternity from the beginning of time.  There’s no magic place where one can meet.”

            Even more confused now, I asked the next question without hope of a favorable response.  “I guess then I won’t see God.”

            Archie laughed the loudest laugh I had heard since I reached eternity.  “There is no god, at least not like humans believe.  God is the pre-eminent spirit, responsible for the positive energy in the universe.  God is not an entity.”

            “Jesus?” I hesitated

            “Rubbish!  Another guy with a large following, and definitely not any type of deity.  We brought him here when he died, then came the fictitious tale about him rising from the dead.  No way!  We got him the first time,” Archie answered.  “This is all new to you David.  It will take time to adjust your feeble human mindset to adapt to what goes on here.”

            I ventured forward with a simple judgement.  “It doesn’t appear that anything goes on here.  It’s like lying in bed in the morning, wide awake, and not getting up,” I offered one of my own analogies.  “And how did you know my name?”

            Archie sounded disgusted.  “Really?  You believe there’s a deity to see or magic to occur but doubt the ability of an archangel to find out something as simple as your name.  Come on man, you can’t be serious!”  

            It did sound stupid, now that I thought about it.  “OK, are we going someplace else?  I mean, there should be some credit for the good I did while I was alive.  I graduated top of my class in high school and magna cum laude from Notre Dame, a religious institution I might add.  We went to church on Sundays.  I was good to my family and friends with a long history of donating to charities.  What else do you want to know?”  

            “You are part of the recently departed,” Archie said.  “I saw all that stuff in your file while I waited for the EMT’s to revive you.  You failed to mention the time you cheated on your taxes, or told your wife you were going to work when you actually met some bimbo, and kept the money your mother gave you to donate to the missions,” he smirked.  “But all that vanished when you died.  There’s no extra credit or bonuses.  That’s over and done with and now you are here in eternity.”  He paused.  “Okay, back to the task at hand.  Do you know anyone who died within the last two weeks?  It would be the closest I can come to hooking you up with a spirit you know.”

            I didn’t want to sound ungrateful but it wasn’t my idea of sharing time with another for eternity.  I wanted family.  Besides, I didn’t know anyone who died.  “Will I be able to communicate with others like I am with you?” 

            “You have to remember, Dave, that there are umpteen trillions of spirits inhabiting this place.  You’ll hear sounds, sort of like the muted hum of the crowd in a baseball game when there’s no action.  Rarely will you hear the roar of the crowd unless someone famous dies and he or she happens to end up in your group.  I happened to be assigned when Lenny Bruce passed and I brought him to his group.  You should have heard the roar!  He really is a funny guy.”

            I hoped I could persuade Archie to help me out.  “How about putting me with a famous person?” I begged.

            “Did you hear me before, champ?  Recently departed!  Nobody famous in that class, that has been assigned to me at least.”  Archie seemed disconsolate.  

            “What, are you low man on the totem pole?”

            “There’s no status here.  I’ve just had a bad run.  Years ago, I had few top-notch people.  Jimi Hendrix, Charles DeGaulle, Vince Lombardi, all at the same time.  My favorite that year was Janis Joplin.  She took to eternity like a duck to water.” 

            I was enjoying the rapport with Archie and tried to extend the conversation.  “Did you have a favorite?” I pried.

            If it’s possible to hear wheels turning when you have no ears, I heard Archie’s mind working overtime.  “You know I go back to the beginning so it’s hard to choose.  Attila the Hun was a cool guy but a little distant.  Julius Caesar was a jerk.  I was glad he was dead.  Shakespeare was a smart guy but I couldn’t stand the way he communicated.  I dumped him the first chance I got.  Abraham Lincoln, another peach, and Mark Twain, clever, down to earth.  I’d probably go with Einstein.  He was smart, you know, like a genius, and funny, with a great sense of humor and a slew of anecdotes that could captivate a crowd.  

            “Name dropper,” I muttered.

            “OK, David, we’re here.”

            I didn’t want to leave Archie.  “Will I see you again?”

            “No seeing, pal,” he corrected me.  “But, I doubt it.  First, I’m sure I’ll be busy, especially if people keep starting wars, and kids have opioids available, and the foolhardy remain attracted to suicide.  Second, I won’t know where you’ll be after your group is assimilated into the Assembly.  It’s like reading your alumni magazine.  Your class is readily available when you graduate but ends up many pages back the farther you get from graduation.  I’d like to say I’ll remember you, but I won’t.  I mean, you’re no Lenny Bruce!”  I thought I heard a chuckle.

            I bade Archie farewell and wished him well in garnering more celebrity assignments.  I settled into the surroundings and heard the monotonous hum Archie described, and stayed tuned in for that roar that would eventually come.  I couldn’t help thinking “Thank you God. Thanks an awful lot,” though I’m sure sarcasm would fall on deaf ears as I stay, wide awake, in eternity.