Staying rational

2:05pm. Not only am I late but I’m going to die. 

An irrational fear. 

That’s what Allison called my fear of elevators. Irrational. 

I stare at the dark paneled walls that had been a vibrant orange when I first entered the elevator. Now, in the dark, it was hard to see what color they were. I keep imagining what they looked like with the dim yellow light illuminating them, to keep my heart from exploding out of my chest. But like everything else it’s too hard to think about. 

I ran my hand through the once shaggy carpet and tried again. Not to think about my current surroundings but how I had gotten here. 

Less than 24 hours ago, Allison was flipping her auburn hair off her shoulder as she teased me. 

“I’m surprised you even make it up to my apartment. I wouldn’t walk up 13 flights, even if it was an emergency,” she quipped. I rolled my eyes at her but felt embarrassed. My hands wrung together, as they started to sweat at the thought of entering one of those death traps. I told her it’s good exercise and she scoffed. 

“Are you training for the Olympics Mikey?” She plucked a little white flower, the only one near us in the field of grass. I took in a breath of fresh air.

I wish I would have held onto the moment longer as I breathed in the stale air. Was I getting CO2 poisoning? I started to breathe erratically and then reminded myself I had been in there for less than 6 minutes. The light headedness was my own body playing tricks on me. Still, I kept imagining the scenario where they find me suffocated over and over. 

My hands started to beat on the door again, but I didn’t scream. My anxiety spirals me down the lack of oxygen scenario and I become too afraid to use too much precious air.  

This was my first time. My first time since I became an adult getting on an elevator. The first time I wasn’t going to be a few minutes late to Allison's due to my fear of these damn contraptions. I hoped she’d be the last person I saw, so I could say “I told you so,” before death. 

I looked at my phone again. Like the elevator was my own personal hell, the service was bad in here. All of my messages to her or anyone failed. My hands pounded on the shiny metal door one more time. 

I stared up at the ceiling, at the panels. Maybe I could reach them, but I had no idea what to do from there. The abundance of movies I’ve watched where the elevator stops working and I still have no idea what to do. 

I can’t remember how far the elevator had gotten before quitting. I start to imagine falling 13 stories, and becoming a cube of metal that not even the firemen can pull apart. 

My hands became sore, but I hit the door again, while wasting a little more oxygen for another scream.  

I started to stare into the dark as I tried to recollect what happened after she teased me. Why I decided that getting inside this metal box was a good idea. 

The blue sky seemed endless yesterday. As it stretched across the vibrant green park. Children were playing and it was so peaceful. I can hear her lecture. 

“Our elevators are always properly maintained. It’s safe. When's the last time you heard of someone dying in an elevator anyways?” All valid questions and yet she wasn’t the one sitting on the floor of this hunk of metal waiting to see when her last breath was going to be. 

My head swam as I stared into the abyss, imagining scary faces and weird poltergeists who purposely turned out the power. I started to picture bloody,  hungry maws that were reaching for me in the dark. Quickly I tried shaking my head to forget the grotesque images, but they stayed in the back of my mind, like the CO2 poisoning or falling to my death. 

I reached up to the mirrored bar and ran my hand across the smoothness to get a grip. 

I wanted to do this. I wanted to face my fears and do something I had never done before. I wanted to surprise Allison. That's why when I reached the beige lobby, I pressed the silver button instead of turning the door handle. 

What a mistake that was. 

A few seconds later I heard one of the worst noises imaginable in this situation, aside from snapping cable or a person laughing next to me in this empty crate.

My phone vibrated, the blue screen that indicated it shutting down illuminated the elevator and then nothing. I swore as I tried to turn it back on, but there was no use, my phone -quite like myself- was dead. 

What are you supposed to do while waiting for rescue or death? When you can’t go anywhere and your heart is beating on your chest so much you think it might crack? I tried to count the seconds, but it started to feel like hours and I gave up. 

Consciously I never noticed how many noises were around me all the time. But sitting in here, without even the buzz of electricity was driving me insane. I wanted to speak outloud to myself, but found that it just sounded weird in the quiet.

So I started to think about yesterday again. 

Allison wore a white sundress, with red flowers. The sleeves hung off her shoulders and she wore a big abstract necklace. I thought about her smile, her one tooth that pokes out a little bit farther than the rest, the way her skin wrinkles under her eyes. 

This only made me think of how close she was though. We were in the same building and she might not even know it. Why didn’t I tell her I was coming up on the elevator? I wanted it to be a surprise. 

Me not showing up and possibly being dead will be a much more dramatic surprise, though one I don’t think she’ll’ enjoy. 

After hours of sitting there, I took off my zip up jacket and piled it up, then placed it on the ground. Slowly, as to not rock the elevator, I laid down, resting my hand underneath it and closed my eyes, trying to just think of Allison. 

Less than a minute later I heard a noise outside of the elevator and jolted up. The noise was followed by a man's voice and then finally the familiar buzz of electricity. Suddenly the dim yellow light shot on, blinding me for a second. 

I sat there, rubbing my eyes as I heard the metal door peel back and reveal an older man in a dark blue mechanic’s shirt, and Allison, who rushed in to hug me. 

“There you are!” She hugged me and I put my head on her shoulder. The man looked at me with a sincere smile under his mustache.

“The entire block had a power outage. We haven’t had one of those in a while and our back up power was on the fritz too, sorry it took a bit to get it all figured out.” I nodded and led Allison out of the elevator of doom. 

“I saw the elevator was stuck on two and came down here as soon as I could.” Allison gasped, looking slightly red in the face.

“You took the stairs?” I asked and she nodded. 

“A first for everything I suppose,” She laughed.She grinned at me with pride in her eyes and said I looked okay for someone who just faced their worst fears. I hid my shaking hands and nodded with a light smile on my face. 

“What time is it?” I asked them both, pointing to my dead phone. I figured we had missed our 4 o’clock reservations.  

“Like I said, it took a while to get everything fixed. It’s 2:25.”