The Return

It had been over thirty years since John had seen Tammy. But now that he was a widower, he thought seeing her again would be nice. Through some clever searches on Google, he knew she was no longer married, either.

He stood on the sidewalk across the street facing her house. He was not sure if he would be welcome or not. She may be upset. Especially the way he ended the relationship thirty years ago.

Back then, John had confessed to, his then, fiancée, Linda, of the affair he was having with Tammy. Linda had always had a suspicion, but it still stung when he came out and told the truth. Linda made John pick up the phone and call Tammy right then and there to break things off. He did, and that was the last time he talked to Tammy. He remembers her crying. He recalls wondering what her husband thought after she hung her phone up. He remembered that he felt like crap.

Now, he is one-hundred yards from her house, trying to gain the confidence to walk up to the door. He wanted to make sure that Tammy knew he had never forgotten about her and how sorry he was for the choice he had made. He always thought he took the easy way out and made the wrong choice. Staying with Linda was a mistake. And it was realized after years of remaining with her.

John finally gained the courage to cross the street and walk to the front door. He took one deep breath in, and slowly let it out. He placed his finger on the doorbell. He pushed. He heard the ring of the bell inside the house, followed by a dog barking and a person yelling that someone was at the door. A few seconds later the door opens.

Standing in front of him was a young lady dressed in a casual white t-shirt and jeans. She had long straight black hair, brown eyes. The woman in front of him looked just like Tammy from thirty years ago. He assumed her to be Tammy’s daughter. 

“Hello,” John spoke, “Is Tammy home?”

The lady smiled, “Yeah, hold on. I’ll go get her.” She turns around, “MOM! Someone’s at the door for you!” she yelled.

The next few seconds that passed seemed to move in slow motion. John’s hands were getting sweaty, and he could feel his heart beating faster. He observed down the entry way of the home the most beautiful woman in the world walking towards him. It was Tammy, looking just as she did thirty years ago. “Yes, can I help you?” she asked.

“Tammy?” John looked at her with wide eyes hoping she would recognize who he was.

She stared at John and felt she remembered him from somewhere but could not place who he was or where she knew him from. She looked deeply into his eyes, “Oh my god,” she said softly, after remembering who he was. “John?”

“Hi Tammy.” He was relieved that she recalled who hie was. The look on her face, though, did not make it feel as if he was welcome.

“John, what are you doing here?” Tammy was in shock that he was at her front door. In the back of her mind, she always felt that he would return. She did not think it would take thirty years for him to do it. She thought she meant more to him than that.

“Tammy, I wanted to see you.” John is trying his best to justify why he showed up. “I know it’s been a long time and, honestly, there has not been a day that has passed that I have not thought about you.”

Tammy stood there leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. You could tell she did not feel the same way as he did. “John, why are you here?” she asked again, visibly disturbed that he was there at her home.

John was disappointed. “Sorry, Tammy. I thought you would be happier to see me. I’ll leave you alone.” He lowered his head and turned around to walk away.

Tammy may not have been happy to see John, but deep down, she was glad that he had never forgotten about her. “John,” Tammy started to cry. She walks up to him in the driveway. “It’s been over thirty years. You can’t just expect me to welcome you back. Especially when you ended things between us the way you did. You hurt me. And I thought I meant more to you than that.”

On one hand, John was happy she stopped him and did not let him leave. On the other, her words were making sense. He started to feeling remorse again for parting ways over the phone the way he did. 

“John,” Tammy continued, “for the first few years, I kept hoping you would show up, just as you did today. But as time went on, I gave up hope, and I gave up on you.”

“Tammy, I did what I thought was best at the time.” John was trying to justify his decision. “You were married, I was engaged. It just seemed to be the right thing to do.”

“So why did you come back, John?” Tammy still had not received an answer for the original question.

John looked at her with sincerity, “I wanted to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Tammy abruptly interrupted him. “Apologize for what?” Her voice started to get loud. “For leaving me in a dead-end marriage? For leaving me to suffer and try to raise a child alone?” Tammy realized at that moment that she had never told John about the baby that was his. The lady that answered the door was actually John’s daughter.

John did not catch on about the child comment at first. “Tammy, I’m here because I knew, no, I know, I made a mistake thirty years ago. I believed then, just as I believe now, that we belonged together from the beginning.”

“John,” Tammy started to cry, “back then you were everything to me. Back then I would have left my husband. I would have left everything I had just to be with you. But you said no. You broke up with me and I was left without you. I was left without the future that I had always hoped for. It took me years to forgive you, and to forget about you.”

Tammy’s daughter was looking out the window. She saw her mother crying and stepped outside to see if she could help. “Mom, are you okay?”

Tammy tried to compose herself. “Yes, I’m fine.”

John started to think about the comment of raising a child alone. “Tammy?”

She looked at him and nodded her head. She was trying not to give away too much because she had not told her daughter that the father-figure she grew up with was not actually her real dad. Tammy’s daughter had gone the last thirty years thinking she was the child of that man, at no time knowing that her mom never told her the truth. Now her real dad is standing in front of her. 

John looked at Tammy, “I’m not here to disrupt anything. I just wanted to let you know I have not stopped thinking about you and to say I’m sorry. If you tell me to leave, I’ll leave.”

She looked at him and then turned to her daughter, she started to cry. “You’re too late!” Tammy began to hit John in the chest lightly and eventually started to cry harder. “You’re too late.” she murmured one more time.

Tammy’s daughter walked over and put her arm around her mother. She looked at John, “I think you should go.”

John looked into the eyes of, who he now knows is his offspring, “Okay. I will.” He turned around and started to walk away down the driveway. 

Tammy, still crying, “Wait!” she yelled. “Wait. John, come here.”

He turned around and returned to where the two of them were standing. 

“Jamie,” she said looking at her daughter, “can you give us a minute?”

Jamie turned and walked back into the house.

“John, I should have told you about her.” Tammy is now coming clean regarding her daughter. “At the time, I felt you no longer wanted to be part of my life and I didn’t want you to feel like I was dragging you back into something you didn’t want.”

Tammy paused for a moment. “Yes, she is yours. But please, John, she doesn’t know, and I think it’s best if she didn’t know. She’s a wonderful girl and she grew up just fine. I really don’t think it would be a good idea for you to just jump back into our lives, or into my life, and try to make things the way they were. I have my life now. You have yours. Let’s keep it that way.”

John’s heart sank into the pit of his chest. He was trying to hold back the tears, but deep down he knew she was right. “I’m sorry, Tammy,” he said. “I guess I was hoping we could just try again.”

She looked at John and reached for his hands. “It’s too late. I’m sorry, John. It’s too late.”

Tammy turned and walked back into the house where her daughter was watching through the window. John watched Tammy hug her daughter and smiled. They turned and walked away. John started to walk down the driveway. His heart broken, once again. This time it was not for the sake of him not trying. It was because she did not want to try.

Tammy paused for one moment and turned to watch John walk away. Tears started to fall from her eyes, and she remembered the love of her life that she lost several years ago. Now, she has pushed him out, never knowing what could have been and never giving love a second chance.

John sat in his car for a few minutes trying to gain his composure. It is difficult to see when your eyes are filled with the tears of a broken heart. After a while he drove away. Now he knew there was closure. He knew the answer. There were no more questions. 

John never talked to Tammy again.