Caught in a dilemma

CAUGHT IN A DILEMMA

“What am I going to do next?” she sat in her bedroom, with the quick pregnancy test in her left hand. It had double lines, it had turned out positive.

It was just one night with her married friend and she was pregnant. They had been friends straight from her first year at university, they had got to know each other through his brother who was her course-mate. And when Marvin had finally made up his mind to move to US, London, he had asked to see her for the last time.

“That’s where my wife lives and I have finally decided to shift permanently, I will be leaving with my daughter,” he told her. They had decided to hang out at a club, they had many bottles of liquor and that’s how they all got very tipsy and ended up in his house where she spent the night and they had unprotected sex. And in the morning, since he had to leave that same day, he just gave her transport back to her hall of residence and rushed off because it was almost getting to his departure time. She had got angry at him and blamed him for what happened and so cut communication with him.

And besides everything, she was at a Christian university where there was a policy which penalizes girls who get pregnant out of wedlock. She was in her final year in the first semester, at this point it meant she had to choose between keeping the baby and getting expelled or getting rid of the baby and going ahead with her education.

At that instant, tears started running down her cheeks uncontrollably, she cried for some time because she didn’t know whom to turn to for help.

“Cathy, “she immediately cleaned her tears and rushed to cover herself under her duvet before her roommate got inside the room.” Cathy, we had planned on going out…”

“Am not feeling well, please give me some space,”

“Okay, in case you want to talk, am ready to listen,” and she walked out.

I knew she could not help me apart from judging me because I was already dating her twin brother. There was no way I could tell her about how I was pregnant and someone else and not her brother was responsible. There was no way I was going to miss my last year for an unwanted baby. 

My father was a reverend, and thinking about both of my parents, they would be deeply disappointed in me. I knew my father would disown me in case he found out and would blame my mother for not taking care of me. A course-mate of mine had got pregnant and her father had kicked her out of the house and she had to live on the streets when the man responsible denied to be the one. Her mother had long abandoned her and she had young siblings who couldn’t support her. She had also been expelled because the news spread out so fast and the administrators had immediately pushed her out. And she had breathed her last while giving birth. At a tender age she had lost her life and surprisingly the guy responsible was also expelled from the university because it had been investigated and it was obvious he was the one responsible but he had managed to find another university and was unbothered.

I knew I was now destined for the same thing so I immediately picked my shoes and rushed out of the campus even if I had a lecture to attend. I had always heard of rumors that there was a hospital a few meters from the university that secretly handled abortions and so I made my way there. I told the receptionist that I wanted to do a checkup so I needed to see a doctor. There were a few patients in the line. And when my turn came, I shivered, it was my first time to talk about the issue seriously. Before I used to talk about it and laugh but here it was, so serious and I had decided to do it.

“Next,” I heard the doctor call from inside the room. There was no one else but me, however I didn’t know what to say to him so I turned around and headed for the entrance. As I stepped out, I realized I would end up on the streets so I ran back and immediately got inside the doctor’s room.

“Yes, tell me what is wrong with your health,” he said. He seemed easy to talk to but I found a hard time to tell him. He could call the police to arrest me because abortion was illegal and there and then it came to my mind that I was an adult and instead of the streets I would end up being charged for attempted murder and in prison with the an unwanted baby.

“Can you say something? Am a doctor so you just be free. If you have any signs of UTI or any STD tell me, I will be of help. Don’t fear me,”he was so kind to me, I had to just try my luck.

“Doctor, I want to abort, “I blurted out. It took me a lot of courage to make such a short statement. I saw his reaction, he was shocked of course. It was obvious I was a student and having sex was not a good idea.

“Come again, “I was shocked by his response. I wondered why he was acting like the statement was new in his ears.

So I said it again, this time it was kind of easier to say, “How much is the abortion fee?”

“Can I have the phone number of the man responsible?” his responses were the least I expected.

“Is that the procedure am supposed to follow?”

“Can I have it?”

I had deleted Marvin’s phone number, we had taken a month and some days without talking, and “what if I don’t know who is responsible?” 

“I will be back in a few minutes. Please wait here, “he got up. And that’s when I knew he was calling the police. I couldn’t help but to fall on my knees and beg for mercy. I cried and begged him not to call on me the police.

“Doctor am just a student, everything was a mistake, and I don’t want to go to prison. Please forgive me, I heard you do abortions here so I came. Please don’t…..”

“Did I say am calling the police? Am going to call the doctor responsible for such issues because that’s not my department, “I heard him say in between my sobs.

“Thank you doctor, thank you very much, “I felt so much joy. Finally I was going to be able to finish my bachelor’s degree in peace.

“But first I will need your details, “he convinced me to give him my personal details so in case things go wrong they can trace my people but he promised they would be careful as much as possible so they don’t have to call any of my people because it would also put them in trouble. And after getting the details he gave me a note and sent me to the office in charge. However things changed when I met the doctor in charge. She clearly told me the hospital doesn’t handle abortions and it was only rumors. 

“We don’t handle abortions. It is illegal to abort,” I grew pale, once again I was back to the sadness I arrived with at the hospital. She looked me straight in the eyes, “do you realize tis murdering an innocent child? Why would you want to kill an innocent kid? If you go ahead with the abortion, whether you find another hospital, the chances are high you will never be able to give birth again or you will die due to severe bleeding.”

And I left the hospital feeling so weak and frustrated. Many thoughts ran through my head, I had no one to talk to. With the consequences and experiences my friends had gone through, I would rather die than face them. I decided to starve myself so the fetus would get frustrated and I would get a miscarriage. I spent two days without eating but noting went wrong. I goggled all sorts of stuff on how to abort but nothing worked on me. Three days after my visit to the hospital, I still didn’t know what to do next and I considered overdosing because I thought either it would help me get rid of it or exist peacefully. However the afternoon of the third day I got a call from the hospital I had visited regarding the operation.

Doc: I think we can help you abort

Me: who’s this?

Doctor; it’s the doctor at Norvaland hospital who took your details

I had forgotten someone had even taken my details. I wanted to know more eventually.

Me: but you sent me to someone you said was responsible but…..

Doctor: I found a hospital which can help. I realized you really need it so I looked around. You mind coming around in thirty minutes and we discuss the payments and necessary programs…

I eagerly accepted, I was willing to even fly there at that minute if I had wings. I immediately got ready and hoped onto the first motorcycle and straight to the hospital. And I found the doctor at the reception waiting for me.

“You are good?” oh he was so sweet, but he was way older than me. There was no way I would like him.

“Am good doctor. I hope you are good too,”

“Am always good. But am still here waiting for a patient, could you go to my office and wait for me there? Its open, you just open and enter,” he handed me a note with a number,” that’s the office number.”

Who was I to refuse? I confidently moved there, I knew at that moment everything was going to be alright. I hymned lyrics of ‘across the bridge’ as I moved to the office. And when I opened the door, with who I saw inside, I just ran off. At that moment I almost ran insane, a few steps away and someone was caught by strong arms, i couldn’t tell what was happening around me but anyone could tell all attention was on me. I screamed to be let free and cried out loud. 

“Calm down,” I could tell it was a male voice but I didn’t care about who it was. All I wanted was to run away, far away.

“Let me go, “I cried, “I have to go.” And when I had been overpowered and I ran out of energy, I fainted. The doctor had tricked me and used my details without my permission. And when I got up, he was the first I saw, he was seated on the chair besides the bed I slept on.

“Please leave me alone, you betrayed me,” I went on to cry.

“Ok,” and he got up and walked out. And it was my father and mother who walked in after he left. The damned doctor had instead called my parents and it was obvious he had already spilled the milk. The doctor had called them and asked to see them physically and that’s when he talked to them about my situation. I guessed he had told them about the consequences of having an abortion and so they never thought of being tough on me but it was not all.

“I just need to know who’s responsible, I guess I have to marry you off before you finish school, “my father concluded. That’s how I learnt that my father had lost a sister due to over bleeding after she had an abortion. She died alone in her room the same day, she never tried to talk to anyone and handled the whole issue on her own. And his father blamed their mother for their sister’s death. He started treating her terribly, in the end she suffered a stroke which claimed her life in a fortnight. And for the rest of their father’s life, he lived blaming himself for her death and he lived miserably till he died. And with that, there was no way my father would think of getting angry.

“Catherine, do you think I will live happily after you lose your life? “He kept surprising me. I thought he would be disappointed and angry because he was a tough man. “You are not the first to get pregnant in school, we can find another university and you start again. You don’t know how sad I and your mother would feel when we lose you.”

And I thought my mother would be disappointed too but she comforted me. I realized I was making a mistake to think of stupid ideas before giving it a try.

“He is married, “I blurted out. I had to give it a try and see what their reaction before conclusions. This time he was disappointed, they were both disappointed. 

“We are going to take care of you so don’t think of getting rid of it. But I will still need to meet him,”

He pushed harder till I had to call my course-mate and ask him for Marvin’s contact number which he gave me and I handed it over to my father. And later on, we agreed I keep going for lectures since there was no university admitting students at that time. I knew I couldn’t keep dating Charles my roommate’s twin brother so I ended the relationship. My roommate was so disappointed but I never told anyone my secret. I slowly adjusted my dress code so in case the belly doesn’t protrude, no one will suspect. 

And while the semester went on, that was when the country was hit with the Covid-19 pandemic and we were sent into the lockdown. The lecturers however insisted on having online lectures which was a good thing on my side.

And one morning, I usually slept till 11am to avoid morning sickness, but when I heard voices from the living room, I knew there were visitors so I got up and went to greet.

My three siblings had been taken to the countryside where my mother’s parents lived and were to return after I had given birth.

“I don’t know,” she always didn’t know, and I wondered why I had asked her. I pushed my way to peep into the living room.

My eyes fell on Marvin, to be honest I was so happy to see him, I felt the baby turn at that moment. It hadn’t turned since 8pm the last evening. It seemed it had also realized its father had finally come. I couldn’t tell why he looked so attractive this time round, yes he was a fine guy but not her type. Now here I was admiring him and wanting him. And before I knew he locked eyes with me, he smiled. My heart leaped, I had never felt like that for Charles at any moment while we dated. I hid behind the curtain before my parents would see me because he turned my eyes to me.

“Why would he look at me like that yet he’s…?” Someone tapped me on my thigh, and when I around, it was carol. Carol was Marvin’s daughter, I had only seen her in pictures. And these two were a duo, he never trusted his wife with his daughter.

“I want to pee,” she said. Before I could turn to take her, “we are done, go talk to him, your mother will deal with her.” My mother came after him and she walked away with carol.

“You were not going to be successful, “he smiled, I felt my heart leap again,” they don’t abort my clan’s babies.”

“How’s your wife? “I stood before him. And he instead got up and hugged me, “I kept asking my brother to convince you to talk to me but he kept asking for a reason why you cut me off and I couldn’t tell him so I didn’t push harder.” And hearing that, the hug I wanted so much, I wanted to break it but he didn’t let me. “Please let me hug you, you are carrying my baby, you would have told me. I would have come back there and then.”

“By the way the airport is closed, how did you return? “I managed to leave his arms. He asked me to sit, next to him. Somehow I felt nervous and wanted to run but he held me. “I know I was your first guy, am responsible for you and am here and am never going to leave.”

“What? Your wife….”

“When my wife passed away during labor, I kept my ring on. Till I met you, “he kept looking me in the eyes while I tried to dodge them, “I know you will say am a liar but you should have been able to tell when I said I wanted to see you before I left. You had a boyfriend and you never noticed how much I loved you so even when you cut me, I decided to try and forget you. And when your dad called me, he tried to threaten me not knowing am more than willing. Though the lockdown came, I found a way and am here, cath. And with the fact you are carrying my baby, am going to make you fall in love with me and by all means, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I have Carol but she’s a nice girl, you will like her. Please take care of our coming baby. Am sorry for what went wrong but, please let me love you.”